30 years old . A failure so far.

Submitted by cplind975 on
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I don't want to waste your time here because I have done everything that most of the others have done. So I will just put my highlights.

1) Used to do PMO in the office toilet 2 years back.. Not anymore.
2) Signed up my wife in all types of courses just to be alone at home.
3) Have downloaded and deleted P after every session for years.
4) Never been truthful about this habit to anyone.
5) Never been there for anyone, friends , family , wife.
6) Skipped many vacations just to do PMO alone.
7) Hiding myself and PMO after a nice party or on nice holiday cruise
8) Never stopped PMO even during special days like Christmas or new year
9) Have made countless resolutions and relapses that i don't trust me anymore.
10) Lost my self respect , reliance , ability , dignity , etc for PMO but no shame or regret so far.

I am not signing up here to be a winner again . I really don't want to loose my mind and go insane.

That is why I am here , just to keep accounting and check If I am still sane.

Today might be my first day clean on the numerous streaks I have been through


For every single failing,

For every single failing, there's a possibility to stand up. You are standing up for yourself, give yourself some points for that!

Have you checked out this guy: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=5vPvWHTcl80&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D5v...
Awesome guy that puts it plainly and honestly.

I think we all feel like failures, there's a lot of shame understanding, that so much time has been spent on... nothing. But youre nit in denial, sometimes it's harder to admit the truth then to just keep on trucking. Doesn't matter how old you are. Today is also my "first" day, of numerous first days, and I loose heart. But then I read your story and understand that I'm not alone in this, no one is! It's fucking hard, it is, there's no way around it, but we want freedom anyway. Moving from pain to less pain, from fear to fearlessness, but that means facing our fears and pain.

Don't be hard on yourself, if you see your problems as a horse that is pulling a cart, that your sitting in, do you hit the horse, or the cart? Wink



Your Comments were really warm. At last there is someone similar.

I will account what I do everyday here from today.


It's amazing how compelling the distraction of constant novelty is, eh? Your life seems gray, only porn offers a thrill, and yet your real life is passing you by. And all because your brain didn't evolve to handle constant erotic novelty and therefore overvalues it. Did you read this?  Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner? | Psychology Today

Get educated about what your brain is dealing with so you understand you're not suffering from a 'character flaw,' but rather, a normal process gone awry. The good news is that if you wired to real sex before Internet porn, your recovery is likely to be faster than you think once you can be consistent.

Any chance your wife would try this during your recovery? Karezza is for addicts (too) It could help bring you closer.

This radio program has good suggestions for helping you to reset your brain: http://yourbrainonporn.com/content/wwwgettingstrongerorg-host-todd-becke...

You know about these forums, right?





Day 2

It feels very nice to be on a Day 2 after a long time. Wife is gone for work. Its time for a relapse. Time to write another lie email to office for being late

. But fuck it I am not giving in. It hurts. But i am not going to do it. It feels like 4 ants are walking inside my brain besides the heavy hangover feeling . Just the thought of a relapse makes my Johnson sucked up like a tiny thing although it is soar from last weeks disasters.

I read the complete article you send me yesterday. Thanks to Gary. I finally feel some companionship here.

It's very tough at first

but usually the worst cravings and withdrawal symptoms are over in the first two weeks.

More on symptoms here: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

There are definitely things you can do to ease the pain. Time in nature, socializing with real people (not online), vigorous exercise, etc. all help. More ideas here: ♦Solo Tools

However, time is the most effective healer.

Day 4

I am taking up running. Yesterday i Was moving furniture so was very tired and not enough time to whine. Today morning there was a huge erection in the morning. It was so fat, I Was shocked. I even stopped watching tv, I think if I take my focus of female for someways, I will get this dinosour erection. It also stayed for 3 minutes There is some soreness in head and very high tiredness. I know the worst is not over . But I am hanging..

Day 5

Finished my first 5 km 45minute run. Pretty hard. Not a fancy erection today but lasted for few seconds.. But craving has started . After this comment , I will take a shower and get out to work.