CylusBA's blog

Day 1 - relapse

Submitted by CylusBA on

I broke down, even thinking about what I was doing and just not caring. Unfortunately I don't feel much regret or shame during or after a PMO craze. I tend to not focus on negative feelings. So I'll remind myself of the positive things that have happened after I describe what I believe caused my relapse.

Day 6 - Aaaaaaarrrggg no O

Submitted by CylusBA on

I'm feeling a weird frustration and the desire to run around the block of few times and bench press a couple cars. My mind feels oddly sharp, but the bastard keeps telling me to work on my fellowship application for grad school.

I'm also feeling a re-kindling urge to join a jiu-jitsu gym and hit things. This hasn't happened to me since my SO broke up with me and we were separated for 8 months before getting back together.

Day 4 - Some success

Submitted by CylusBA on

Have felt a bit of a pull toward porn today, stronger than since I quit about a week ago. I can handle it, but it is annoying. Yesterday my and my SO had a successful karezza experience yesterday. It didn't go all that long, maybe 30-45min. A regular "O" focused encounter usually lasts us about 45min to an hour. For the moment I don't feel all that frustrated about the lack of the topper. That may be because of my recent feelings of a lack of satiation after any type of O - as it goes, not much of a problem up to this point.

Day 3 - Quick thoughts

Submitted by CylusBA on

Karezza may be more important to me than I thought. At least in the way that makes sex less of a duty and chore and something that is meaningful while being directionless. I didn't get any tonight - though I could have, but I decided that it was okay not to do something even though I knew I wouldn’t fall back to PMO for relief. I feel much better about waiting until the time feels 'right' and less frustrated at giving up the opportunity.

Day 2 - More Thoughts on my Relationship with SO

Submitted by CylusBA on

Though not much time has passed, thus some discussion of advancement or struggle is not forthcoming, I did want to post more in depth on my relationship. If only for my benefit after I manage to cure myself. I've only been in one serious relationship, in fact - only in one romantic relationship. It has to this point been an enjoyable experience with few drawbacks (We're still together 10+ years).