So I woke up after a stressful day (I still had fun, but without days off, even fun can be stress inducing) around 1 am and I was extremely horny.
I felt like "I'm going to have a wet dream anyway so why not avoid the trouble of changing my drawers." So I masturbated. I must tell you nothing has changed and I want it to be 2 weeks or longer before anything like that happens again (probably it will be much longer.) Any hint of it creeping in as a regular "stress reliever" could spell trouble and I'm not having too much in the way of cravings today so I think it will be a cinch. Let's face it, I just completed a run of over 9 months of total celibacy, I don't know how many days that is. No porn, masturbation or orgasm and through the toughest times as well, so this isn't such a bad thing and doesn't seem to have the same consequences as when I used to do it every 3 or 4 days. There is still the desire and possibility, I just have a much stronger control of all that.
Most of any fallout was some lingering guilt about not making it to a year of celibacy but you know what, I didn't start out with a desire to become celebate, just to attempt a rewire. To my chagrin I still have some pornographic fantasy that pops up. I don't think the rewire is totally complete but I also know I'm in way better shape mentally/physically than ever and I'm pursuing my life's passion with gusto so there has been steady improvement in my quality of life.
I'm starting to meet more women now too and that could also be a factor as well as the seasonal weather change. I look better and feel better and I think women notice that. I'm also playing more gigs and that gets me noticed. I've also got over 90 days of no booze or pot and that feels good. Overall things are good, even if I'm exhausted and still have a ton of homework due the next week and a half. It's going to get done and then I can relax.
Thanks for reading,