Day 16

Submitted by derobe on
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Day 16 now.

Spent the weekend with my girlfriend, I've so far been having sex with her during my no pmo (which is really just been me giving up porn and masturbation)

Unfortuantely 2 nights ok i masterbated to orgasm whilst i was with my girlfriend. I don't feel like i should start again though, as i was with her and my challenge was to not masterbate whilst on my own.

However i am getting urges towards porn and masterbation again today. I don't want to return to internet porn though. I really think it's just a new level of danger, and i believe i can resist and rid myself of it. After a weekend of sex (3 instances) though, i have noticed changes again.

I noticed a change in my craving for sex after my first orgasm with my girlfriend, and also my general desire for her changed. Not into anything bad like i didn't care for her or want to be around her. But it's different when i'm really horny and want to have sex with her.

Right now it's hard for me to imagine never watching porn again - i'd got used to watching others have sex and it's proving hard to let go of. It's great to have sex as well but i really did enjoy watching porn sometimes. I mean really is it that different to some of the other activities we do for pleasure? Eating, drinking, watching TV? The biggest difference is that you do it in private of course.

I don't really have an urge or craving to open up a porn site in my browser right now, but i'd happily put on a dvd or something. Something with an actual concept etc.

Is this dangerous? I'm not sure, I mean I believe internet porn is dangerous. fullstop. certainly. But porn in general i'm not so sure. Every now and again? Watching a dvd? Maybe not as harmful, or is it? Ah i dunno, I just don't think i'm ready to completely give this up, i guess i'm a bit like a marujuana smoker who stops chain smoking 4 times a week, to just having the odd spliff twice a week.

My thoughts.

Derobe.

P.s thank you for the link to the barry schwarz TED - a great video that really gives an insight into why internet porn (and it's unlimited amount of 'choice') is really bad.

Comments

Why did you decide to quit

porn in the first place? That will answer your question as to whether it's bad for you.

Remember, the challenge isn't the content...it's the delivery and the fact that your brain now fires up extra loud for porn-related cues. Once those links are established, static images can trigger the same cravings as Internet porn.

Most guys need a long time for the sensitized pathways to fade. The other benefits of quitting come along first (return of normal pleasure, better self control and clarity, etc). But those "sensitized addiction pathways" will urge you to rationalize using again long before your brain is really healed, and it can be a steep slippery slope.

This article explains better: Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner?

 

A great read Marnia

Thanks for that link.

Motivated me some what to hold out.

Today I searched for 'safe porn' i guess what i was looking for was something that was porn that didn't feature any of the grabbing and triggering features of the common porn sites. Really interesting how different porn sites can appeal to me on the topic. I remember there was always one i used to enjoy the most because of it's initial layout and features on it's homepage - no messing, just a mix of videos on the screen, girls of all colours, shapes sizes, different scenarios. Hovering over any of the videos would show a few clips of different scenes in the video itself to be previewed - it really is just too easy these days, it's worrying really i guess i wonder what effect this is having on society as a whole right now.

Anyway on my search for safe porn i came across this website - [removed by monitor]

The woman who has created it admits to being a porn user and that she enjoys it. But her website is based on the difference between porn and real sex. Interesting I thought, maybe I can do that too - i mean I really like watching porn, and if i can balance that with real sex then i will have the best of both worlds.

But.

To conclude after reading the link you posted to that article it again reminded me of some of the why's. Why i am doing this. I do need to again go over my whys however, in fact i probably should work on making a proper 'why' list, that i can refer to when i feel like viewing some porn. Because right now, I've lost some of the things that were so great at keeping me from relapsing when i first re-started this.

I continue my journey,

Derobe.