New encounter

Submitted by diamondsoul22 on
Printer-friendly version

So, I hung out last night with a new guy. We spent several hours together- close to seven. There was nervousness at first but eventually he put his arms around me to cuddle and it took off from there. A lot of bonding behaviors. He was openly expressed how much he enjoyed cuddling with me. There wasnt very much conversation relatively speaking. The time we spent together seemed extremely relaxing on my Nervous system at first but a couple of hours in it began to heat up somewhat. He began kissing my neck and without me even realizing it at first I guess because he was very gentle he was kissing my nipples and breasts. It felt really good but at the same time I wasn't quite ready to cross a sexual boundary. When I realized what he was doing I expressed the best I could that It was crossing a boundary. nevertheless, on one or two more occasions he was doing the same thing and it was very hard to resist him.

on the overall it was a great bonding experience. He's very easy to cuddle with. Towards the end of the night I told him I just wanted to relax because I could see we were both kind of heated up. So we just layed down and held each other and even fell asleep for a while.

I would like to see him again. I'm just concerned that our encounters may become too sexual too quickly. I really would like this to be a nourishing soothing bonding experience. While I am apparently turned on by him I really don't want to be sexual with anybody unless I sure there is some sort of emotional compatability.

My main intention is just to experience the benefits of consistent affectionate (not necesarily sexual) touch

Any advice on how I can keep healthy boundaries in place?

I've hardly slept since I've got home last night. I'm feeling pretty buzzed. We may hang out tonight again

Comments

Can you say

"I would love to cuddle up and take a nap with you, but please don't kiss my breasts without asking first. I don't want to get sexually worked up right now."

He can build up trust by respecting your boundaries. And he might actually _like_ having clear boundaries. I think some guys think they are _expected_ to be seductive, that not engaging in that sort of seductive behavior indicates a lack of interest on his part.

Nice to hear that you've found a possible partner a lot closer to home! Smile

Thank you guys for you advice

Thank you guys for you advice. Being confident is something that I need to work on. Ok , I'm gonna be confident.

Curious fellow: it's great to here your advice considering your a guy . I will be more clear with him next time I see him

Hey Marnia. Thanks. I ended

Hey Marnia. Thanks. I ended up taking a long drive last night. And I went out this morning to write outside. I think it helped to get out this morning.

I ended up texting the guy last night. I just asked him how his day was going. I feel like theres a lack of clear comminication and asserting of what we want. the last text i recieved from him last night was that he really wants to cuddle. I haven't responded back. I'm just a little confused about how to aproach him.

Do you like the guy?

Do you want to cuddle with him? Do you trust him to respect your boundaries? If so, what's there to think about?! Go for it!!!

If you are texting, I'd suggest saying exactly what I said in my previous post in your text.

It's natural to wonder where this could lead. But you sure won't find out by just sitting around wondering! Get out there and enjoy a nice cuddle! Smile

Have you read my story at http://www.reuniting.info/node/7970 ?

I did what you said

I did what you said curiousfellow. I text with him those pretty much exact words.

We ended up spending a three hour cuddle session together tonight. It wasn't as long as our previous seven hours, but he respected my wishes not to touch my behind or breasts. Tonight was ALOT more relaxing. Very soothing. Just a lot of holding each other tightly while lying down, and looking in to each others eyes. He likes to gaze into my eyes. It's slightly uncomfortable for me. But overall I felt very at ease with him. There's a manly sense of security that I felt from him. We really didn't do much talking.

At one point I somehow ended up spooning him from behind and caressing his chest. And he said "Heyyy" as if to suggest that he was uncomfortable with it. Smile

.

Wonderful!

It's great that you got out there and you both got what you wanted.

I wonder what he meant by "Heyyy." Did he find your touch sexually arousing, and he didn't want to get aroused since you had already said you weren't going to get sexual right now? Or was he half-kidding: I can't touch your breasts so how come you're touching my chest? Or maybe he thought you were trying to escalate things sexually after saying that you didn't want to get sexual, i.e. you were changing the rules without asking him?

You could ask him next time you cuddle up with him. Talking about things like that can increase the understanding and trust between you.

Wishing you many more enjoyable encounters like that.

Yesterday I was experiencing

Yesterday I was experiencing extreme emotions again. I tried my best to stay centered but found it inreasungly difficult as day progressed

we have just been sending texts back and fourth leading to know where for the last couple of days. Im confused by his messages. I feel like I always hit a wall after seeing a guy a couple of times and it ends in an emotional episode

Who knows?

He could be following some silly rules, or fears you are.

Maybe you could just say how much you enjoyed your time together and that you keep thinking about it. Thank him for something he did, such as allowing you to take it slowly.

Excellent!

I approve that message.

Believe it or not, some guys are terrified of asking women for dates. Terrified of rejection. Doesn't make much sense, but that's how it is. Marnia's message would go a long ways toward alleviating any fears he might have that you would reject him.

You could also ask him what he thought about your cuddle sessions. If he says he liked them, then you can say "Great! Would you like to come over to my place? We can have dinner and snuggle for a while." You could even invite him to sleep over if you feel comfortable with that.

Who says guys have to do all the asking?

Last time we hung out was the

Last time we hung out was the Saturday before last. I actually took the initiative and asked him I'f he was home and I'f he was, if he wanted to hang out. He seemed very open to the idea and we hung out for several hours at his house. It was a good time cuddling but I felt protective because it seems like unless I put the beaks on he would go as far as he could take it.

He asked me to come back the following day and bring my pj's to sleep over. Then no word from him. I text him that evening to just let him know that I looked foward to hanging out but that I didn't hear from him so I was off to bed and to have a goodnight. Again- showing my interest like this is uncomfortable because i feel like it leaves me vulnerable to manipulation.

In any case it's just been texting back and fourth since. He lent me a book and when I didn't respond fast enough to one of his more recent texts he told me that if I don't want to speak to him anymore that he wants his book back.

It's just pretty much been a back and fourth of exchange of egos through text exchange for the past week

At this point I think the connection is in the deteriation faze. He says he would loves hanging out with me but he's a busy business man so I told him that since its to difficult to coordinate his schedule with mine I would leave his book in the leasing office. I was being very serious when I text him this, and I guess it somehow took him aback because then he insisted that he wanted to see me in person next week. I feel like he's just playing games with me

Given that it doesn't seem that he really wants to respect my boundaries, I know it probably would have not been so smart to stay over at his house so perhaps it's a good thing it didn't happen. Maybe I would have gotten to out of control.

In any case, between the emotional downs and exhaustion of work I slipped up and started fantasizing and masturbating again the day before yesterday. This morning I was feeling the chaser effect and gave in again.

Ok so that's my rambling for today

What is holding me back or

What is holding me back or causing me pain?
FAILURE TO PINPOINT WHAT HURTS ABOUT THE SITUATION
Is there something I need to be alert to in my situation?
POINTLESS STRUGGLING
What insight will help me at this time?
SITUATION WILL BECOME REVITALIZED
The response to the first question is a clue about an issue that is blocking you (or someone in your life). It may also refer to something in your environment that you need to address by making changes in your situation, in your treatment of another, or in yourself.

Sorry it's not going so well

If I may offer a guess about what's going on with that guy...

He probably does enjoy the cuddling. But like 99% of the other guys on the planet who have reached puberty, his body and brain are probably screaming at him to get sex. With you next to him, yet not available for sex, he may feel like Tantalus. So there's a huge conflict inside him, and avoiding you may be his way of minimizing the conflict.

If he could give up M and O, the desperate craving for sex would go away after a while. That's my experience. But it's difficult to sell that idea.

I'd suggest a really frank discussion with him about what each of you wants in a relationship. You could prepare for it and crystallize your own thoughts by writing him an email (that you don't necessarily have to send). Or, you're welcome to write out your thoughts on this forum.

Wishing you good luck...

He sent me a bunch of texts

He sent me a bunch of texts that frustrated me mainly about how I don't understand at all.., how I don't understand how busy he is and I take things way to personally....how I took it way to personally when he said if I don't want to talk to him to give him his book back. I'll just not take anything personally... He is right. It's all about him.... it's all about him....and his agenda

So i responded In kind.....that probably was not helpfull....

I feel almost embarrassed by how childish this seems and how I don't have enough self control to not be drawn into a reaction....

What is holding me back or

What is holding me back or causing me pain?
DEFENSIVENESS
Is there something I need to be alert to in my situation?
CRUELTY
What insight will help me at this time?
BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER
The response to the first question is a clue about an issue that is blocking you (or someone in your life). It may also refer to something in your environment that you need to address by making changes in your situation, in your treatment of another, or in yourself.

The message under the lower question may help you steer yourself in a healthy direction.

It's generally true

that those "ultimatum" type actions are not coming from the healthiest part of us. Smile But don't worry. You're learning with each experience.

My sense is that you won't resolve anything until you're sitting side by side holding hands. Can you suggest a walk in the park?

It seems like the pool guy is

It seems like the pool guy is a gonner at this point. I told him I would still be open to seeing him in person and Never heard back. Well.....guess its back to the drawing board.

Marnia, I became curious about Love 2.0 after seeing you mention in another post that you were reading it. I ended up getting the book and have been experimenting with the meditations in it.

Im feeling ok lately. Just trying to find my center....as always

It's tough to trust the timing, but

when you meet the right person, you'll realize it's a good thing you didn't run off with someone else instead. Wink

I think that was a good way to handle it. So many guy's are hooked on screens. Good to help them connect in real life, or move on.

I liked Love 2.0 and its suggestions. I'm glad you do too.

*big hug*