new life

Submitted by diamondsoul22 on
Printer-friendly version

hi everybody,

its been a long time since i blogged.

well, I have a new career and am living in a new city. i have roomates now. i think these changes have been for the best.

on the other hand i have slipped back into my old habits. for the past 2 and a half months or so i havent been able to get a grip on my urges to masturbate and look at porn. about every week and a half to two weeks i seem to regress.

i think that theres a greater intensity to my urges than there has been in the past. ive considered trying to meet somebody off of craigs list for a one night stand but i guess the potential consequences keep me from really pursuing anything.


Hey Diamond girl!

Congratulations on creating your new life. I agree with Freedom. What can you do to meet real men, preferably in a healthy setting? Tango class? Yoga class?

Please take care of yourself.

And, of course, the binges can make you feel like doing restless things. Remember the "Chaser effect?"

Also, a friend of mine found this book very helpful: Women Who Love Too Much. It can be tough to find a healthy relationship when childhood challenges have been too great. She finally "got it" at age 52 and is finally in a very sane and happy last. Don't wait that long.enlightened

Keep us posted.

*big hug*

Hey Marnia!!!. Ok I'll give

Hey Marnia!!!. Ok I'll give the book a read.

I'm feeling so sexually frustrated today I could just about cry.

I really do there's a part of me that wants to b promiscuous underneath this self image of a woman who respects herself and takes the higher road.

Maybe because years of trying to repress my sexuality is finally beginning to become unbearable

A relationship just seems so out of reach And I feel like I may b waiting in vain

I'm noticing more of this in

I'm noticing more of this in new and different ways. Perhaps I've regained communication with a lost satellite. Only now, the satellite wants to take over. There seems to be a sense that I've finally gotten close enough to the skill-set I want to actually make it more possible to get into a relationship I want. That somehow awakens the sexual energies in new ways. And those energies are quick to say the likes of this isn't working, been waiting too long, I'm getting frustrated, etc. Maybe this means I'm not as prepared as I want to believe.

With all learned, the just sex route seems even less appealing, especially because it's rarely what is actually going on. I'd rather have everything but sex than just sex.

just stoping by for an update

just stoping by for an update.

im on a role with pmo. just slipped again today. havent been able to seem to get my self fully on the right track since january

i would like to attend that karaza meeting. austin isnt that far from me.

im off for the next 3 days after a very busy couple of weeks of work. but despite how busy and hectic it gets i couldnt think of a better job id rather have at this point in my life. i really have to say that im happy on the career front of my life....and i have a car!

yes speed dating also seems like a really good idea. i should just get up and do it.

ill let you know how it goes

day 1

slept in late today, then pushed myself to go to bikram yoga. glad i went. in between i just hung out with one of my roomates in the house who was also off. im glad to be living with people i really get along with.

Just gently

keep steering for what you want. Every step toward what you want (yoga, dating, whatever) is a victory. Just keep rolling.

So glad you like your career. I'm really happy for you.heart

day 2

thank you for your support Marnia!! it really means alot.

went to yoga again today. glad i went. i ate some homemade bread that my roomate baked this morning. on the overall it was a nice day. i head back to work tomorrow. waiting to hear from scheduling for my assignment.

Day 3

Worked today. Work was kinda stresfull but I got through it. I Got to my hotel room and I just lounged around and doodled with my color pencils. I was feeling pretty good and was getting ready to go to bed but the people next door are obviously having hot wild sex. God I hope I just didn't have a neurochemical blast of dopamine releasing into my brain. I really wana throw somthing against the wall so they'll stop. Omg Im horny and frustrated


devil How'd it go?

I think it's perfectly all right to thump the wall "accidentally" a few times under those long as you don't really count on it working.

day 4

looool. i didnt end up thumping the wall for fear that it somehow might have provoked them to go longer. but fortunately they finshed early.

my work day began at 4:50 am and ive been up since 3:30. It was a good day though- busy, but my mood felt light overall.

i had the opportunity to go to yoga again today so i pushed myself to go despite being tired- im glad i did

im pretty tired now and will be heading to bed momentarily Smile

Day 5

In Oregon now. Its been a really good day overall I'm working with a great group of ppl for the next few days. We all get along really well. We,re gonna go out tomorrow and explore the city.

Day 6

Had some erotic dreams last night. I was sort of cranky for the early part of the day. Nothing too terrible though. I went out with my coworkers and got around to some really cool places. I drew with my colored pencils in my sketchbook. I'm happy to be feeling more inspired these days. heading to bed early. I'll be up bright and early hours before sunrise

Day 7

Busy day at work. Low energy and cranky for first part of day but nothing Terrible. I have a great crew though and we all get along well. I just think about how I'm living such a completely different life now. Its like the difference between night and day. I'm constantly surrounded by people now. I always work as part of team and I live with other people who share the same profession. It really is a great change. Overall it's just been a breath of fresh air from working by myself and then going home to an empty apartment day after day- i think it was just too lonley of a lifestlyle for an independent person with a small support system. This lifestyle suites me so much better

day 11

feeling alot more emotional today. today just feels like a cry and let it all out kinda day. ive been trying to Chanel some of my emotions into poems and drawings. a close friend came to visit a couple of days ago and she just left today. i was really happy to see her. i really love her, but i also tend to project some of my unresolved issues onto our friendship; so i had mixed emotions about her visit and especially her departure. i really would like to go to yoga today-im hoping i can muster up the enthusiasm to go.

i created a new dating profile online. all i have to do is add a picture and i should be good to go.