post two week mark

Submitted by diamondsoul22 on
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today is day 17. off from work. attended yoga yesterday and today. i plan to go tomorrow again. my roommates are home today and im just enjoying their company. last night after yoga i began to feel very emotional - it felt somewhat irrational. I was just sad and i think partly feeling lonely for companionship and affection. my mind kept wandering to my handsome male yoga instructor.... i guess in an attempt to self medicate.I did manage to keep myself centered enough to avoid fantasizing though. it was a full moon last night- and a very bright one. maybe the moon is partly to blame. other than that things are good.

and thank you for the link Marna. i think i need to get back into my self help reading material - oprah, deepak choprah and the like...they never fail to inspire me

oh and by the way, i have to mention that ive been really good at controlling my sugar and junk food cravings for the past couple of weeks, and i really feel like it has to do with some natural health products im taking which my roommate has been taking for years and swears by.


Glad to hear all that

Yes, the realization that you could be feeling less sorry for yourself if you just spent 15 minutes reading something inspiring is an important one. Wink

Glad to hear the supplements are helping. Here's to balance!

Good point. Try writing

Good point. Try writing something inspiring to others, yourself, and imaginary friend, the you in another time, etc. This is probably how people in helping/healing professions benefit. They spend their day inspiting others and getting the feedback. While reading is good, it is passive. Maybe one has to start out with more reading inspiring texts for inputs and work up to generating more output.

Day 21

At the three week mark today. Im feeling exhausted. Yesterday and today are long days at work. For the last two nights I've been having erotic dreams with m ing and o ing.

approaching 40 day mark

stopping by to say hi. so far things have been running really smooth. i feel like my brain chemistry is pretty balanced. ive been taking some herbal health products from a brand called Sunrider for the past month and a half and i really think that they are making a big difference. between that, eating right and attending yoga ive been feeling good. Ive had the opportunity to go to some cool new places this month and socialize and enjoy the company of my co workers and roommates.

i'll keep you updated with any breaking news! happy memorial day

im somewhere near day 50.

im somewhere near day 50.

i somehow managed to sort of fall back into unhealthy patterns like bad eating, and skipping yoga. Ive just been sort of laying around the house these past few days eating junk food and whatching movies, getting caught up in my thoughts and weaving fantasies around people, past events and the future. i feel lazy but overstimulated at the same time. i just need get up and push myself a little bit.

Its funny, i think im coming to realize that these down points, whatever form they may take, and as much as you try to avoid them, are ultimately inevitable. maybe balance isn't about things always going the way you want.

there's always two sides to every coin. and i don't think i wanna be either side - fighting against the currents or letting them pull me down too far under.

Your answer is in your post.

Your answer is in your post. What about keeping a list of things to do when you're in a lower energy mode? There is no end of lower energy tasks. The list need not be chore based. It could include a movie you've wanted to watch, fitting in a nap, calling a friend, etc.

Avoid getting too far under

Avoid getting too far under is an important point i think.

It's important to realize that lows are normal. There's no need to get overly upset about them and act out. Try and understand and see that it may not be as bad as it is in your mind. Without lows, what would highs be?

Stay strong and ride the lows out!

ok i got to another really

ok i got to another really low point. have masturbated and fantasized several times this week including today and im feeling pretty not myself. this sucks! guess i gotta just role with the punches. it never fails that its not until these low points that i start telling myself "you need to give more attention to dating". But when im feeling more balanced i don't think as much about dating.

Marnia maybe you could give me your take on something. I would really like to believe that you need to feel yourself to be a whole and complete person before you can find happiness with another person. And im very into self growth and do try my best to be just that. But if we are biologically built to be with another person then how could you ever feel complete in and of yourself without the opposite sex.

i think i may be doing somthing not right and not be aware of it. I in no way intend to discourage anybody from the journey to a more balanced brain and a balanced dating life, but its been over two years since i discovered this website and i decided that i wanted to give up masturbating and the whole nine.

I do feel like i have grown in the past two years tremendously.. i feel like i made big decisions that have altered the course of my life, yet my dating life hasn't changed very much. Is it that im just not giving it enough effort.? i thought love was just supposed to "happen" so to speak. or maybe im putting out signals unconsciously that are repelling men.

I dont know if anybody ever read the short story Araby by james joyce, but the experience of the main character sort of reminds me of how i've experienced romantic love

How would you act differently

How would you act differently if you were giving dating more attention all the time? Perhaps we've been programmed to hide our need for a partner and that need only openly manifests when we're nearing bottom.

Who knows?

You have a couple of things working against your success. One is that many guys in your generation can't even "see" you. The normal pleasure you would produce isn't affecting them normally. And they don't even realize it until after their brains return to normal: Guys Who Gave Up Porn: On Sex and Romance

The second one is your history. Intimacy can seem scary when intimacy has been scary. Makes sense, eh? It also probably makes you less willing to engage in casual sex...which is not necessarily a bad thing. Men certainly find you attractive. I don't think it was weird of you to not want to play "The Game" with that manipulative guy who sounded more interested in scoring than in relating (bless his heart). He probably didn't know any better, but that doesn't mean you were wrong to pull away.

In any case, neither of these issues is insurmountable, so be optimistic. Are you going out where you can meet guys with common interests? What about a meditation group? Kill two birds with one stone.  Wink

hey guys just checking in! so

hey guys just checking in! so far pretty smooth sailing. its Saturday....i'm just hanging around the house with my roommates. we're all just sort of slouching around. Im waiting to see if this guy from a dating website calls me tonight. happy saturday!

Slipped again

Ok I guess that ive had what is called the chaser effect....again.

Binged out of junk food a couple of days ago. Since then I've been having sexual urges. Finally this morning I couldn't take it and masturbated and O'd, fantasized, looked at porn. Was moping around all day and I slipped again this afternoon not feeling I could control myself.

Im supposed to meet a relative I've never met before on Saturday and Im just hoping I'll be able to be my normal self and won't be a mess

thanks for the support guys.

thanks for the support guys. it really does help. im feeling better today. just finished eating a salad....trying to rebalance.

would somebody please remind me that i have a goal: and thats to experience affectionate touch with the opposite sex. i wont even ask the universe to bless me with a relationship/ it hasnt seemed to work anywayz...maybe because i dont really know how to want it, and maybe because im also supposed to be taking baby steps.