Still running on the hamster wheel

Submitted by diamondsoul22 on
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I ended up letting myself go on an all out eating and pmo binge for the three days following the day I first gave into pmo.

today is day 3 I guess....

The day before yesterday I literally slept almost the entire day away just getting up to eat in between.

I attended another slaa meeting yesterday.

one of the girls from the meeting invited me out to dinner with her and several others from the meeting. I decided to join them and it ended up being a nice time.

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able to evade O

Last night - early morning 3 am day seven I got up in the middle of the night and got detoured to fridge where I devoured a few spoonfuls of my roommates banana granola peanut butter, and then several slices of watermelon. I was in the dopamine chasing mode. The after thought was that I couldn't wait for her to go to work in the morning so I could go out and buy a bunch of junk food and devour it without her knowing. When I went back to bed I began fantasizing.... soon I was masturbating again. But by some grace I was able to just let it go - Allow myself to be in my body and feel the sensations without fantasizing further and without the need to take it to orgasm or push myself very close to that edge. I tried to focus on my breasts also which is something that hasn't occurred to me in a long time.

on another note, last night I went out with my roomate to a restaurant for live entertainment and we had a really great time. We even got out on the dance floor and participated in the festivities

It can often

be a bit challenging to get back on track after a binge. Just do your best to steer for what you want, and keep socializing.

What about keeping something healthy on hand that you can eat when you get cravings? Or make an egg...even though it's not what you want. Sometimes protein helps to snap you out of the junk food cycle.

Glad you had fun on the dance floor!Yahoo

Does anybody feel like they

Does anybody feel like they're minds are a little crazy... In an OCD sort of way. Like your trying to decide in the dark.... and it makes you feel like your unsure of yourself and your decisions.

Maybe this is post pmo syndrome.... But I feel like I'm trying to figure out what I can do to self soothe today and I can't seem to decide. Every time I think of something I figure out a reason why I shouldn't...then I go back and fourth between several options, never really following through with anyone of them mostly because of fear

Definitely sounds

post-Oish. If so, time will put things back into perspective. Meanwhile, meditation, time in nature, socializing, exercise...the usual.

Sorry things are rough just now.

Focus on someone else

All the things Marnia said work for me too. And lately I've come to think of my sexual cravings as indulgent and self-centered, so sometimes I find the best way to take my mind of all that crap is to do something nice for someone else. Even when I don't feel like it, I find that if I do it, I feel better almost right away.

Decided to end my day with a

Decided to end my day with a pint of peanutbutter pie icecream and a kit kat. If I really tried I could have resisted. Funny thing is that I really didn't want it. It was more like I wanted to want it.

Why do I feel so out of

Why do I feel so out of control because I've devoured some sugary food. I feel like an addict on some level, but on another I feel like I'm just overreacting emotionally to my inability to control myself.

There's also a part of me that just thinks " oh ill just make up for it tomorrow. I'll just eat extra healthy. I'll just drive 30 miles to a great juice bar and drink green juice and things will be ok...."

Who knows?

Just know that your brain may be buzzing for a few days. Try not to take any of its concerns too seriously until you're back in balance.

Can you take a walk outside?