craving a partner

Submitted by done4now on
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Recently, i reverted back to mb while using the memories of an old gf. It's a double-edged sword because it makes me miss my intimacy with her but it also makes me feel lonely and insecure afterwards. Basically, for about a week after, i feel that i have cravings to be in a relationship so that i don't revert back to self pleasing myself. I have to admit that i'm also using my own self pleasuring as a drug because i am unhappy about my financial picture and what it means as far as dating etc. I'm older so it's not as easy to meet women who are willing to accept a man in my situation or maybe i just don't think i can because i'm going through this insecure stage. I'm sure i'll feel stronger in a week from now but even though i'm not using porn I still feel that i'm stuck in an addictive cycle.

I'm not sure if there are any women on this site anymore but wondering if you would chime in about dating a guy who's got a tough financial picture etc. I am probably just feeling sorry for myself tonight but I miss being in a relationship. Maybe i'm addicted to relationships and not porn. What can i do about that?

Comments

Humans

evolved to want relationships, so that's a healthy craving: Guys: Where Do You Fall on the Monogamy Spectrum?

I have a strange answer to your question. My view is that if a couple practices karezza, the resulting feelings of wholeness make it easier to attract abundance. So I wouldn't overlook a guy just because he is in straightened financial circumstances at the moment...if he were open-minded about experimenting with another approach to sex. See Lovers' Ultimate Sex Hack: Karezza

If you want to attract a partner, keep your tank full and use the energy to connect with people.

karezza matchmaking

Marnia
So are you karezzaing up a plan to incorporate karezza tribes in this site? People could have whete they are from on their profile and singles interested in finding each other could meet :)
I suggest this because I think you and the other women on here are rare gems of awareness.

Finances~

I think there are women out there who don't need a man to "complete" them financially and who are looking for a partner with qualities that have nothing to do with finances. I've always been one to fall in love with the man, not his situation. And interestingly enough, the financial part always fell into place because we worked as a team (equals).

If you think it's a problem, it will be, of course! But stay focused on the present, know what you want in a partner, then start looking. It will happen! We crave relationships because we need that balance we get from one another. You will find someone who needs you as much as you need them.

thanks Rachel

I hear what you are saying and thank you for your kind words. I think the hormones caught me in a bit of feeling sorry for myself but I do want to feel secure going into another adventure. I want to be motivated by joy and not by pain. I am so appreciating you guys for being here for me during this time!

Marnia,
I don't know how but someday i envision a huge influx of traffic here. Just like i have to believe that love will find a way back to me, I believe all the positive energy that this community offers will come back many times over.

Thanks again everybody!

In a way, the positive energy has

already come back. Thousands of guys are giving up Internet porn and rediscovering their inner strength, using the principles that we all worked out together here starting about 6 years ago. They've just gone on to other forums, some of which are listed here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/external-rebooting-blogs-threads

Now all we need is for people to get jazzed about karezza. That seems to be a tougher sell for some reason.Pardon

tougher sell

I notice that more people are becoming in tune with spiritual concepts, psychic energy or intuition etc even though it's still not "mainstream". I believe Karezza is part of this group. While mainstream still sells pleasure and orgasm as a sort of entitlement - just as beer advertisers sell beer in the same way- i think that there is a growing population that is looking to unplug from the "matrix" and find out what is true and authentic for them.
Plus conditioning can teach us to use the shot of dopamine to relieve stress. There certainly is alot of stress out there. I'm learning that we just have to find other ways to deal with it. Even though my own patterns still play out in this regard, at least i have learned from your work what is really happening and I can be aware enough to make adjustments. I certainly see how loneliness, and stress can lead us down an addictive path. Kudos to you and Gary for giving us a place to heal and rediscover ourselves.

Quote: " it is easier to fool somebody than to convince somebody that they have been fooled"

Thanks Rachel

This is very reassuring for me too. It is fairly common for me to think that a woman would not be interested in a man who is struggling with severe health issues and isn't able to work at this point in time. To think that a woman might see through that to appreciate his inner qualities and interest in healing between men and women is very reassuring.

Thanks for all your posts. It's always good to read them.

Sincerely,

"Arnold"

Keeping the mind on track.

Here's something that helps me keep my mind from wandering into the trauma and has a connection to inviting a female partner into a man's life. It's a mantra that is credited with helping men find a partner. Perhaps it could be helpful to you by helping you maintain a positive mindset and deepening your experience of meditation. Chanting is fun and beautiful too! Even just listening to it can be helpful.

"Inviting the feminine (Shakti) energy of the Universe - Om shrim shriyei namaha (Om and Salutations to the creative abundance that is the very form of this universe)"

I found a really beautiful version of it on-line for free! : http://stevegold.bandcamp.com/track/om-shreem-shriyei

I hope this helps. Best wishes in finding a female friend.

Cheers,

"Arnold"

Mantra for women

You're welcome!

I'm glad I knew of it. It's fairly recent addition to my knowledge.

There is a mantra that is often paired with Om Shreem Shriyei that is focussed more on women attracting a male life partner - Sat Patim Dehi Parameshwara (Please bestow upon me a man of Truth who embodies the highest and most pure masculine attributes).

Deva Premal and Miten did a version of the pair that focused more strongly on the women's side. See:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk1L2zC6rpQ

and/or

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07WN2fiNeuM

I hope you find it helpful for your female friends. Maybe one or two of them will come our way! Smile

"Arnold"

Wonderful

I will share this with my friends who feel they don't know how to attract the man they are hoping for into their lives (I have a few of them!)~~thank you!

The Power of Mantra

Yes,

I've only been exploring mantras very recently. Deva Premal's and Miten's on-line 21 day Mantra Meditation Journey that started on April 23 inspired me to investigate this method. I also looked into Thomas Ashley-Farrand's books and CDs on the topic. In my experience, they are quite powerful. At the very least, they have helped me move through and heal the anger I feel at many people (I've been using a Tibetan healing mantra (Teyata) introduced to me by Deva Premal and Miten). It seems to remind me that my fundamental direction is about healing. I don't get stuck in my anger so much anymore and I'm finding ways to transform the connection with the people who were the target of my anger. I set up a written objective to my 40 day routine (I repeat the mantra 108 times twice a day and sing it (or repeat it silently in my head) whenever I remember during the day). Thomas-Ashley Farrand recommends that routine as a maximum (They can be played with far less intensely too). It seems to help.

I don't know whether these mantras will help with our match making here or not, but its certainly better than getting stuck in the despair and loneliness.

I joked with Rachel when I gave her a head's up message about the links to the Sat Patim mantra for women, that perhaps we'll find a way to sing our way to each other. Smile I would like that.

Sincerely,

"Arnold"

This just inspired a parable

This just inspired a parable which of course I'll never get around to writing. But here's the idea. The not-wealthy man falls in love with the not-attractive woman because they both see something deeper in each other. And in the process, they become wealthy, and their health improves to where she (well, and he) become physically beautiful. The End.