Week 4 & Thoughts On Eating Pizza By Oneself

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This weekend will mark the fourth week I have been clean from PMO. It's not even an issue now because I'm interested in a girl, yes a real girl! There's no way I'm giving up a chance at this relationship for porn!

She's been away all week on a work trip and my mind finds it very easy to slip into fantasies about her which I'm trying to avoid. I had a dream where we had a pizza and I was eating a few slices by myself. She appeared and said "Don't eat the pizza all by yourself." I realized having a fantasy about someone is like eating a pizza alone. By the time you actually meet them there may be nothing left to share.

I'm trying to save this energy for her as much as possible and it's nice to have a reason outside of myself to quit PMO.

Comments

She cancelled

The date got cancelled last minute because she said she was going through some issues and had a rough day but wants to reschedule. I must admit with nothing to do and feeling a little disappointed I gave into the PMO urge!

Aaagh, oh well... guess I just pick myself up, dust myself off and start again at day 1.

Hmm...

Hmm.. there's nothing really that can take the place of real affection with someone. I guess I could practice my dancing and listen to music. I would need to reprogram myself because PMO seems to be an almost automatic reaction to pain.

Dancing practice tonight was quite sensual. I had my hands on girls hips for most of the night but I wasn't feeling anything because I'm still anesthetized from my last binge. It dulls the pain but also the good stuff too.

I wish I could have kept my integrity in the face of disappointment.

Honestly, you can probably

learn the most from relapses. Realizing you temporarily go "numb" is really useful information. It can help you weigh your options next time.

I don't know if it's actually a "loss of integrity." It's just not easy to get in the way of inertia when you have habits well established. Be patient, and stay calm.

Was the lady you like at class?

No

I'll probably see her later in the week. Just planning on giving her some space and letting her initiate the next date.