dublife's blog

I'm Back 9th Day no PMO

Submitted by dublife on

First of all I want to say hello to Marina and others that remember me. It's nice getting back. Some months had passed since i went back to porn with some mini-reboot attempts that went to failure. I decided to go back writeing a journal cuz i realised that this will help me not screw things up again and it's a great mental and confidence booster, also the feedback counts quite alot in anyone's recovery.

Start of day 19 (Reboot 2)

Submitted by dublife on

So 19 days no PMO. On 18th night I edged only M with sensation but i knew where to stop, the only thing that bothered me was that i had sperm leakage even if i did not O. In this morning (the morning after the edging) I had several wet dreams, i can't remember how many , around 2-3 . I remember the wet dreams were not much sexual, only make-ing out with a stranger and touching her, i had PE in the dream and i was more upset then anxios about that. So i would end up O'ing before anything nice to happen (this happend like every time in my wet dreams).

Day 16 no PMO

Submitted by dublife on

So, i managed to stay off porn for 16 days with very ease , i didn't had any urges at all ( i don't know if that's normal or not) . I guess that's becouse i avoided triggers. I think i am in a flatline, my dick looks normal but i don't feel any need of release and i've seen a dance contest at tv and the dance task was striptease and i felt absolutly nothing (it wasn't actualy striptease, there was no nudity, just a girl in underwear).

New reboot, end of day 5

Submitted by dublife on

So , yes, I relapsed again 5 days ago, but i see every relapse as a good thing (the good thing in this is that every time i fail i find out new things about me and my life). I realised that i don't really have good friends ,i am a mess and i need to change that. Nobody thinks that i can do what i put in mind about anything . So stopping PMO and cure ED , PE is only a small fraction of what i need to change. I realised that i'm not the only one that i hurt, i hurt my parents too , not going to school , smoking weed.

Reboot 2, day 8 gone wrong

Submitted by dublife on

Well, i was very horny tonight, i avoided looking at porn or tuching myself a few times but than i ended up MO-ing twice, first only sensation with a 70-90% erection, than i MO-ed at a sexy women that i saw random on TV. So i count this as a relapse and start again at day one. I want to go 100 days PMO clean, so i will reset my counter every time i slip. This relapse didn't upset me at all, it only gives me more determination than ever to hit 100 days.

Reboot 2, First week done

Submitted by dublife on

I've completed the first week of my second reboot, hopefully the last . It was a tough week, not becouse i was struggling to stay off porn. I felt depresed, lonely, sad, anxious and i couldn't see anything worth living for, I was more like a sad zombie. Things are getting better, i feel alot positive than before i decided to start the second reboot. The urges were minor and didn't bother me much, same as the first reboot attempt, i didn't had any problem staying off porn, but too much confidence combined with stress and need of a happy relationship got me back where i started.

Reboot 2, Day 4 (starting of day 5)

Submitted by dublife on

Day 4 was such a bad day for me, but it was like somehow i was prepared and took all in, I almost broke up with my girlfriend, at some point she said that she dosen't want me to call or anything, we fight over same problem as usual. I cryed myself out last night, i acumulated alot during the day and at the end i crashed. But all of that ended up well, at least i think it did.

Reboot 2, day 2

Submitted by dublife on

So this is the end of day 2. Today was a good day, i went to school after 2 weeks of quitting it and i realized that i need to quit missing classes,i did it before and it wasn't so easy to pass them. I am still a little sad becouse of the issues with my girlfriend, i can't figure it out why she is that cold in a relationship, i tried talking to her many times about what i need from her (affection, care , see her more often becouse we see eachother rarely, once a week) but she always deffend herself accusing me of something and never see that i am speaking from my heart.

Reboot 2, day 1. Ideea.

Submitted by dublife on

So this is again day one , last night i had my last relapse. An ideea poped up today. I have a theory on how i will sort of help my rebooting, but i don't know exactly if this is right or wrong, but i was thinking to go cold turkey no PMO for a month and than start M-ing without O , once 2-3 days. I expect this keeping my libido up and probably help me rewire a bit faster, also help me with my PE. I am aware that this might be a big trigger and i might relapse.

Fresh start , the bad and the good

Submitted by dublife on

So, i managed to quit porn for real, go cold turkey for around 75 days. Then I relapsed on day 85-86, the chaser kicked in and i gived in to porn once at 2 days. Now I am at day 92 and my last relapse was last night , my brain fooled me once again. I told myself, this is the last time (sunday night) and i will start a new reboot on 1st of October. So basicaly this is what i am doing. I will start from DAY 1 again, i am sure that i ruined most of my progress, but i will get it back in the next 1-2 months and go on with the reboot.

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