Day 17, February 20th 2012; feeling confident

Submitted by Dutchguy on
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What I wrote in my last blog is still mostly true: heavy cravings (although slightly less today, hopefully the start of a calmer period in that regard), normal size, no morning wood. So, we just try to keep going strong in that regard.

I do feel pretty good at the moment, better than on an average day pre no-PMO and better than most days during the PMO-free period so far. I have been training and working out a lot over the last week, and I think it's beginning to show. I have also started to develop an urge to do some kind of workout on an average day, so I'm hoping this will become my new "addiction". My ex unfortunately didn't contact me last week as I already expected, but it was still a disappointment of course. I accepted it rather quickly though, perhaps faster than I would normally have, as I do have a tendency to get my hopes up way to high, which often leads to heavy disappointments. Hopefully, this will prove to be a permanent change.

Thursday evening I was bored and I decided to contact a girl in my class who had been showing above-average interest in me. Unfortunately, I didn't have a phone number so I decided to email her, asking if she wanted to go get a drink. I was happy she mailed me back quite quickly, but she was on antibiotics so she couldn't go that night. She did suggest we hang out another time, but she suggested it to be with two other people from my class, which is probably not a good sign. Oh well...

Today I gave my ex a call. She did not pick up... She could have been at work or busy in some other way, or she could be ignoring me, or she just isn't ready. I'm thinking the first option is a very realistic possibility, but I cannot rule out the second... I will give it a couple of days, hopefully she'll decide to return my phone call, and otherwise I will give it another try.

So, that's where my life is at at the moment! I have been wondering something over the last couple of days though: since I stopped PMO'ing, I have occasionally been stimulating myself to get an erection, and been enjoying some fantasies now and then while doing so. Yesterday, when I was taking a shower, this resulted in an unexpectedly rapid state of near-orgasm. I did manage to keep it from happening, but there was a bit of fluid release. Now, I have been wondering, would this be considered cheating, a.k.a. O and does this hamper the process? I don't feel any negative consequences at the moment, but then again neither do I usually experience those after binging in PMO. Some thoughts on this would be appreciated! Thanks!

Comments

edit: I mistyped, I wanted to

edit: I mistyped, I wanted to ask if the stimulation (with some semen release but without an actual orgasm) would have to be considered "cheating" from the no-PMO, in that it actually is MO, and thus detrimental to the recovery. Thanks!

Don't worry about it

Just notice how quickly those fantasies build up.

Try to keep you touch "therapeutic," and focus only on the feelings...not on your imagination. It's good training for actual sex.

I wouldn't worry about having

I wouldn't worry about having to go hang out with her around other people. It's just a way for her to figure you out while remaining comfortable. So go and have fun! Also I totally forgot I'm not supposed to drink on antibiotics... I just did :/