Day 8, February 11th 2012

Submitted by Dutchguy on
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So, it's been over a week of no PMO now. There have been good days, there have been bad days, but all in all I'm doing ok.

After the first couple of days the urge for PMO (especially O) remained very high, but the impressiveness of my manhood so to say shrank to quite depressing levels, and has unfortunately remained there so far. I have had a light headache for a couple of days, but this could also be related to the relatively high level of exercising I've been doing over the last week, something that my body wasn't used to anymore. The pressure to give in to PMO is still very high at times, especially in the mornings, but I think I'll manage.

The exercising so far has been a very positive thing coming out of this, and the progress I've made has amazed me I have to say. A week ago I was completely out of breath after running 2 kilometers, and had muscle pain the next day from jogging and other exercises. Yesterday, I ran 4-4.5 kilometers, and when finished I felt that I could have easily gone on for another 5 km. SO, I have decided that that is going to be my goal for the coming weeks: to be able to run 10km comfortably, and 5 km rapidly. I should note that I have been doing a high intensity interval training, which has worked very well for me, so you might want to give that a try. After yesterday's run I did encounter an old knee injury, so I'm taking some rest now and it will hopefully recover quickly, which it feels like it will.

I had a peculiar experience when I was watching "Scent of a woman" two days ago; during the dramatic final scene in the hotel, I started to sob/ cry heavily thinking of my ex, and how I had been an asshole to her, how she deserved better, how I missed her, all those things. This was very weird especially since the breakup had been over three weeks before that, and while there had been some tears, it was noting like this. It was really intense. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that experience now, and whether those thoughts were real and are now once again suppressed, or if I was just in an overly emotional state all of a sudden... Really strange...

Anyway, after my run yesterday, and after I could walk decently again (after the pain from the knee injury subsided), I decided to see how I would function socially, and decided to head into town alone. Now, the town I live in at the moment is just a place where I'm staying temporarily, and I hadn't really checked out the night-scene in the five months that I'd stay here, so I just went to do some exploring and see where I ended up. After checking out a couple of bars and finding most of them relatively empty/ uninteresting, I found one that looked like a pretty nice place, with a nice selection of attractive women. So, I decided to go in and get myself a beer.

Straight from the beginning there was some heavy eye contact with a very pretty girl, and this was a pretty nice boost for my confidence obviously. I wanted to go buy a beer and then approach her, but when I had my beer she was gone. She was already wearing her coat when we looked at each other (a couple of times), so maybe I was unconsciously hoping that she'd be gone before I'd have to approach her, I don't know... I did feel pretty confident though, so I'd like to think I would have made a move.

I hung at the bar a little, tried to strike up a conversation with another guy at the bar (he didn't seem very interested, maybe he thought I was gay haha!), saw another interesting girl but she was quickly swooped up by a bunch of her girlfriends which is a barrier I'm not ready to take at this point in time, had another beer, talked to the bartender a little, and then left. I was tempted to check out some sort of disco, but I had already indulged in a falafel role with A LOT of garlic sauce so I figured I'd just go home. Bad excuses, I know...

Anyway, so today was my rest day from exercises, and I just took things calmly. Did some reading, went for a long walk to a supermarket, etc. I was thinking of maybe trying to explore some bars again, but I feel it's mostly a waste of money at this time. Instead, I approached some girls on a dating site, to see if they would like to meet up for a cup of coffee. I think that would be more my kind of thing to do, and may at least be a good intermediary step to picking up girls in bars. And who knows, maybe it won't ever be necessary to pick up some bar-girls!