Reconciling Karezza with Masculinity

Submitted by EdgingAddict87 on
Printer-friendly version

The last few weeks this has been giving me trouble. I've been feeling down, so my ego has been pronounced & fragile.

In the sexual world, it seems as though whether they admit it openly or not, most women want to be ravished. There are exceptions, sure, but on the whole if a man does not take charge & fuck as if overcome by desire, he's seen as weak & less attractive.

I find this hard to deal with mentally, because while I often do feel like ravishing, I know that in the long run this leads to instability, & karezza is the logical choice. But I can't help but feel this kind of sex is not accepted, or at least that it is somehow emasculating.

This is frustrating as I felt as though I'd got past these hang ups years ago, but they seem to be rearing their head again.

Topic:

Comments

Masculinity and dominance are not the same...

I've been thinking about this after my first and second Karezza experiences. My girl loves being dominated and being totally submissive, to the point of us acting out rape fantasies in the past. However this hasn't been something she has missed. In fact she said it has been liberating to be an equal part of the experience rather than a passive receiver. She said she always used to think of her role as being pounded, but perhaps there is more to sex.

To me she looks more feminine during non-orgasmic sex than when screaming and shouting "Fuck me harder". I'm interesting to hear how she feels about my masculinity in this new type of sex. I don't feel feminine if a woman is the one on top. She could never force than upon me in the way I could on her. I am letting her take this position. Dominance is therefore assumed in the bedroom for the man. I will always be bigger and stronger. Even if I am not using that power the fact that it is there always remains.

This is why I think masculinity and aggression / dominance are not one and the same. As an example outside of the bedroom, I can bark and aggressively tell a woman what we are doing this afternoon or I can lead. To me the second option is more masculine than the first. Perhaps a woman that needs to be fucked hard as hell is not totally secure with gender roles...

well this is in your mind and here's why

With conventional sex we are very focused on two things OUTSIDE ourselves:

#1, we are focused on our partner, how she is feeling, what effect we are having on her, how we are turning her on, how wet she is, etc.

#2, we are focused on fantasy, thoughts that increase our stimulation and our arousal to the inevitable climax.

With Karezza, we are instead focused on:

#1 our own sensations. This takes practice but is what it's all about. Sensation, how the penis feels in the vagina, how the base of the penis radiates energy and sensation into our bodies, and so forth.

#2, uh, there isn't anything else. Not really. There is no fantasy. There is no focus on turning on our partner.

There can be arousal, great arousal, but the game is entirely different due to the focus on our own sensation and the lack of fantasy and climbing up arousal to orgasm.

Once you get this, the idea that somehow it's effeminate or not masculine to practice this way, that women just like to be fucked, goes out the window. It's dead meat.

Being ravished or fucked is a form of fantasy, acting out a mind game. There's nothing wrong with it, it's great as far as conventional sex goes. See #2 in my first list, focus on fantasy. That's what that is. It's totally cool.

But I've left that life in the dust now. Karezza feelings are so much more pleasurable.

I do get what you are saying. There is this conventional thinking that is hard to shake. I'm very stimulated by touch all over my body when I'm in a mood, and my wife will oblige me. But she herself is not relaxed enough to do certain things like have me kiss her breasts. And she feels there is something vaguely unmanly about my erotic reactions. But I don't really care. That's her hangup not mine and I look forward to the day she gets over it, if she ever does.

See, with Karezza you have your world of incredible pleasure. It's not that you don't care about the other person's pleasure, but it's about your feeling and your sensation. And the paradox is, with this focus on you, there is a much better connection, a real connection, with your lover that you don't get any other way.

And I think that's incredibly masculine -- being secure in who you are enough to connect on this deepest level. Wow, how masculine is that? Talk about secure, safe, and grounded -- this is the ultimate in masculinity.

A different kind of energy

As a woman, I have learned to relax and be receptive rather than tense against my lover as per normal lovemaking. This allows him to let his masculinity flow through me completely. As a result, he feels his "maleness" so much more than when I was more aggressive in my sexual role (which always felt false to me).

I am so relaxed that he will sometimes gently hold my body still so I don't move away from his slow thrusts. When that happens, I feel so engulfed in his masculinity. Karezza has a way of not only bringing out your own masculinity/femininity, but also bringing to you the aspects of each other you need for true balance. It's wonderful in that way.

a dance

I think of making love as a dance. Yes, the man may play a role as the leader and the woman the follower, but without the two intertwined there is no dance. In sex the man is active and the woman receptive. The man sends, the woman receives. The woman calls, the man responds, a dance back and forth. The subtlest of movements can be a call, a sending... sublime. For so long men have taken without invitation, dominated without feeling, its no wonder that some women think this is the way passionate sex should be. I want a dance not a power play.