anyone for scrabble?

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Submitted by emerson on
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Title of this is an inside joke that you probably get if you've read comments by others on this blog here in the past.

I turned her down today. We woke up and snuggled quite a lot and then at some point she said do you want to come in. And I said, I want to if you want me to. She said, you can. I said, I only really want to if you really want me inside you. And she didn't say anything.

So we continued to cuddle and at some point got up. Spent about an hour together that way. I wasn't aroused really until near the end. And that is what tipped me off. The penis knows the truth.

I didn't say anything to her about it and everything's cool. But I don't think I have ever turned her down. I think this was a weak invitation. She wasn't really aroused. The penis knew and he wasn't much interested. If I had entered her I would have been hard but I wasn't interested in that again.

This is what changing the whole dynamic is about. I am sticking to my guns here. I am not asking her for sex in either look, or trying foreplay moves, or any other way. I'm giving her room to see what she wants to do.

Near the end I had kind of a valley orgasm just by having her touch me non-genitally (with half an erection and no ejaculation). This whole thing has NOTHING to do with genitals. It really strikes me more and more how interesting this all is -- it's a dance with two people as Darryl has said.

I realize the truth that I moved into this really quickly and that it takes my partner (and other more normal people) time to adjust. I was thinking, I haven't masturbated in at least 90 days or had an orgasm in that period of time. And most people couldn't do what I did so quickly. It's not good or bad, just how I was set up, nothing I have any control over. So change with my partner has to proceed at its own pace.

We didn't really play Scrabble, incidentally.



Way to go Emerson. I'm

Way to go Emerson. I'm finding one of the hardest things to appreciate and accept, especially when I'm having a really positive experience, is that someone isn't experiencing that in the same way. But I'm learning, little by little, to just be present in myself and enjoy the experience I'm having in my own mind/body/heart without expecting it to be the same for the other person. I'm starting to understand this quote by David Richo about mindfulness and longing: "We relate to our desire for love mindfully by feeling it fully, witnessing how it changes and where it leads us, and accepting that it may or may not be fulfilled soon."

That is so well said!

"I'm finding one of the hardest things to appreciate and accept, especially when I'm having a really positive experience, is that someone isn't experiencing that in the same way."

I hadn't been able to articulate that quite yet. The difference between my experience and others' experiences of the same events is so much more obvious to me now than it has ever been before. In a good way, though, because I'm more aware.

that shocked me too, Zia

when we first started this adventure, that I was all so turned on and felt so much, and she apparently wasn't turned on and felt so little.

But it seems the way of it. I completely agree and one thing that I know professionally is that when I get something, communication isn't a matter of transmitting what I get. It's altogether different when you are trying to replicate something that is in your head, in someone else's head. It really doesn't work that way.


That was so helpful to me about two people not having the same experience. Sometimes I am moved to bliss when my partner is still inside me and he will say that was pleasant. I can still validate my own experience even if his is different.