coming?

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Submitted by emerson on
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For no real reason, yesterday I had a blue balls attack. And today, when lying down with my wife, it was so blindingly obvious that I was going to come.

So I told her that when I was inside her. And I came pretty fast. But really a physical release. It is quite possible for a man to ejaculate without an orgasmic sensation which is what I did. I will see if this takes a lot out of me in the next week or so.

I think it was something my body wanted me to do. I'll share with you how it works out.

 

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I too think body will

I too think body will eventually want to discharge on its own and you will feel the urgency to respond he body's call. It's like "end of the cycle and start fresh". Import is that how you stay tuned with your wife during recovery period.

I'm entirely fascinated

I'm very curious to hear how your body/mind responds to an orgasm after going quite some time without one. Please give thorough updates as to how this affects both your mood and your bonding with your wife.

Thanks for sharing! Will be invaluable insights.

an ejaculation not an orgasm

I did not have an orgasm, but I ejaculated. It was a purely physical release.

Day 5 and things are way better than they have been post-O. First few days I felt almost no sex drive, but not much depression either. A little but momentary and not severe like in the past.

 

My wife and I have been at

My wife and I have been at Karezza for 21 months, now, and the responsiveness of my body continues to improve.

I now have good -- though not great -- erections regularly when my wife accedes to my daily request for intercourse. This is an improvement even from one month ago.

My body now resists unintended ejaculation well: things that would have put me over the edge one year ago no longer do. I just note the 'edge,' stop, and let the urge subside.

But, because of my emerging resistance to inadvertent ejaculation, I of course push the bounds. I can now perform more aggressively during intercourse, and like I never could before, even when I was a young man (I am 53). And, my wife's body is more responsive than ever. So, I still inadvertently ejaculate every seven-to-10 days. The longest I have gone without inadvertent ejaculation is two weeks.

Lately, after inadvertent ejaculation, I have not sensed a pullback from my wife in terms of affection: she still looks lovely and inviting to me. And, I am not more snippety with her. Both of these are clear improvements from when we began Karezza.

Lately, after inadvertent ejaculation, I require a nap during the day or more cups of coffee, and feel less energetic. That lower level of energy lasts for three or four days. Then, my energy returns to its high level.

I want to move to less frequent inadvertent ejaculation, as I like feeling strong and energetic. Funny, if I do not urinate before intercourse, I am more apt to inadvertently ejaculate. Problem is that taking time to urinate causes a loss of my erection. Oh well, I probably ought to just get over it, accept the loss of erection, urinate before applying lube, and only then having intercourse.

It is fascinating how the body continues to improve when we treat it well.

Hi John G.

Hi John G,

We have all learned in this society that men are supposed to be instantly erect at the sight of a naked woman, and that a woman's vagina is supposed to lubricate quickly to receive her man's erection. If not, we feel like we are failing each other and are somehow less of a woman or man.

Our experience over 3+ years of daily lovemaking has been that the deepest healing and deepest levels of pleasure for both of us has happened when I have a softy.

I have morning wood almost every day, so I know my penis works great.

Needing to pee does affect my sensitivity and affects my attention on our energy flow, so I always pee before we join. It's well worth it. Coconut oil makes it much easier to insert a softy. and putting the oil on her vaginal entrance tends to be less messy than oiling up my penis. Coconut oil stains, so we place a hand towel under the area where we are joined.

Most important is making sure that your woman is ready for PIV. Many women override their natural instinct and allow their man to enter before they are completely ready for him because they don't want to lose his love.

Diana Richardson's books are excellent in teaching a man how to awaken his woman through her breasts. Our favorite is TOFW.

All the best to you on your Karezza Journey.

Thanks, blissed, for sharing

Thanks, blissed, for sharing your experience with me. Very helpful!

I will continue to 'drain my vein' before proceeding. Yep, I had accepted that I was 'inadequate' because I was not capable of spontaneous 'attention-on-deck.' Now, I accept that I am not rock hard and upright erect, but sufficiently so for easy-enough entry (I have learned to use grapeseed oil every time) (like you, my morning full erections prove that my physiology is perfectly fine).

Yep, Diane's book and that by her husband were most informative and helpful, and a great complement to CPA.

I look forward to trying Diane's various exercises -- and those in 'Tantric Love' by Sarita and Geho -- when my wife moves to fully accepting (instead of just acceding to) Karezza.

Thank you for your help, friend, and best wishes to you, too, on your journey!

Acceding rather than accepting

John,

You've mentioned a few times that your wife isn't as enthusiastic as you about Karezza but it seems you're having regular (daily?) intercourse so when you say she 'accedes' to your 'requests' is she still in some way unwilling? I'm finding it hard to conceive of her doing something she's not enjoying as frequently as you indicate.

What, in your view, would make her more 'accepting' of the Karezza approach?

My wife is dutiful, sood.

My wife is dutiful, sood. She knows intercourse is important to me, so she participates. There are time limits: she tells me when time is up, by periodically checking our bedside clock; 30 minutes, maximum. There is no feedback -- verbal or sounds -- from her during intercourse. Occasionally, during outside discussion, she will state that what we are having is not 'real sex.' But, she no longer states that she misses orgasms (she insisted that I orgasm with her; she refused to orgasm herself; I refused to do so), so that is progress.

I think there is nothing that I can do that would make her more accepting of Karezza. She is awakening in many regards: food, exercise, spirituality. But, she is not open-minded on sex, and does not see the spiritual element in it.

My sense is that she may come across something, somewhere that resonates with her about Karezza. But, I know from experience, and commonsense, that, until then, my pushing her to act in a certain way will yield nothing.

Fascinating

Thanks for explaining, John. I suppose none of us can get inside someone else's head, but I can't help feeling your wife is deriving something other than a sense of duty fulfilled from your encounters. It's interesting you should mention feedback, or the lack of it. I don't want to pry, but is she responsive in other ways? I mean, it's difficult to kiss someone who doesn't kiss back. Over the years we have adapted to Karezza by slowing right down and becoming surprisingly (though not loudly) vocal. We hardly ever use words, but we whimper, groan, grunt, whinny, sigh, all in ways we never used to. We've almost abandoned talking about sex, as our words seemed to get misinterpreted so easily. These noises we make have become very important as a means of mutual verification of our level of involvement.

I can relate

My wife isn't expressive either when doing Karezza.

Sometimes I'll say, "make some noise" and she will. I realized one day that I could simply ask her to do it, and she would. And it does amplify pleasure for both of us, I think, when she does. But otherwise she's pretty silent, although I can hear her breathing and sub vocalizations that indicate pleasure, just not the moaning and groaning that I emit.

So I know she really enjoys it, although seemingly not 1% of the level that I do.

She is always happy to particpate per our schedule, and occasionally off schedule. If we miss it, I never mention it, and she ALWAYS mentions it (later that day, say) and we go to bed. She virtually NEVER misses an opportunity that we've scheduled, and sometimes when we haven't scheduled.

Physically she seems younger to me, younger and more energetic.

So although she is just obviously not really into it the way I am, she is into it in her OWN way.

This sort of bothers me at times. But she says she has no sex drive after menopause, and she is happy to have sex with me, and seems to really enjoy it, in her way. It's not *my* way. 

 

Very nice, emerson, that your

Very nice, emerson, that your wife gives you a figurative (I hope it is literal!) gentle 'tap on the shoulder' if you miss a scheduled 'appointment.' And, I hope you get an accompanying 'come hither' gesture, too! Excellent, that you sometimes get prompted for an 'emergent rendezvous.' May things continue to evolve and move in the right direction for you two!

I do express our feeling

I find it encouraging to be assured by my wife that she is enjoying. We find our lovemaking very comforting and we both don't mind to bring out soft moans and breaths. But, her kissing and caressing and other attitude also bear her comfort. We do share "I love you" words too. But, I think it's not necessary to be expressive since the truth is she is with you because she love is you and loves to be with you.

My wife is old-fashioned,

My wife is old-fashioned, prudent middle class: some things are just 'unlady-like' to her, is my sense, even behind closed doors. That would include any expressions of passion or physical pleasure, it seems.

She responds to hugs and gentle kisses, and is warm and loving with our children. I wish she were warmer and loving with me. But, I know there is a long list of things she would like me to change about myself!

I am very happy for you that you and your partner share verbal feedback with each other during Karezza. It is good to offer encouragement -- which is how I view verbal feedback -- during something as intimate as Karezza. Keep up the good work, sood!

remarkable differences

So it's been about 6 days and I have to say the differences are REMARKABLE.

Without the orgasm, but with the ejaculation, very little depression or down time. And erections have been fine, while before there was a recovery period when my erections weren't as good. 

This is an additional tool now in the arsenal. If I have to come, I will try to do it without having an orgasm. I think that is quite doable.

Since I've been doing Karezza, orgasms have been VERY intense. But that intensity seems to make post O recovery much worse. Without the intense orgasm at least in this trial it seems that post-O recovery is MUCH faster and better.

Thanks for the lab report

Makes sense. We've long suspected that the focus on semen loss as an explanation of any "hangover" was overly simplistic, and that it was fireworks in the brain that mattered more.

Fascinating stuff. I ask you, "On what other forum could you have such a peculiar discussion?" Drinks

Great to hear, e-, that you

Great to hear, e-, that you have found a way to cope -- by intentionally staying away from orgasm -- if you must ejaculate.

Yep, I have to move to slower, tamer movement and more stillness: despite an empty bladder, I had another inadvertent ejaculation (but no orgasm) today. Oh well, good food and time will recharge things quickly enough, I have learned. But, my energy and creativity will be tapered for some time, I have also learned.

John - I hear you on the good

John - I hear you on the good food and coffee. I've always found that during my many trips inside the two week cycle that coffee in the morning was a must to not be a total grouch bag to my wife. I also found that muffins, cornbread, and delicious burgers also are of considerable aid. As long as I keep it gluten-free I find that I can manage the two-weeks without getting into a fight with my wife.

Totally different outside of the two weeks though. The coffee habit falls away, the world looks a lot brighter, I'm not as hungry and I'm interested in personal growth again. It's like going in and out of the passion cycle has shown me what looks like a "split-personality". It's been a real boon to look at all of this from a brain chemistry aspect. I'm trying to make sure the whole world doesn't become a nail... but it does seem to explain a great deal logically and efficiently.

i've tried the "ejaculate without orgasm" again

not willingly but as I was going to ejaculate regardless, I simply toned it down, squirted and didn't have an orgasm. It was again WAY better afterwards. WAY better.

I still had some rough days but not NEARLY as rough as when I had an amazing orgasm.

So this "trick" is a keeper, LOL.

 

That's interesting

Maybe that has always been a healthy potential option for men. It would be so good if real research were being done on these different options. The current thinking that ejaculation is *always* healthy and there's *so such thing as too much* is clear off the mark.