do these amazing feelings ever wear off? Habituation inevitable?

emerson's picture
Submitted by emerson on
Printer-friendly version

I've been with my wife for a long time now and since we've been practicing Karezza and a lot of bonding behaviors, I have gone from really loving her to being totally crazy about her.

She wonders if this will wear off. She thinks it will.

I think it won't.

Sood had an interesting post several years ago here:

[quote=sood]

 

The realisation that I was running the risk, right now, of failing to fully appreciate my wife, in just the same way as I had done then, hit me like a ton weight. I envisaged myself, aged eighty, looking back at videos of us today, showing me equally incapable of being intoxicated by the person I was with, but drooling at images of how they had once been.

I think this question of habituation is amazingly strong. I've noticed it with places, too. Going away on holiday is wonderful initially because everything is so new; after a while, it palls somewhat. Returning home can be equally invigorating, until we get used to it again.

I wouldn't say familiarity has bred contempt. I may have a treehouse (more a love nest) but I'm hardly moving into it, alone. It's more like a continuing failure on my part to regularly count my blessings. I recommend everyone watch old videos of their life partners to remind them of this.

I read something else that chimed with me, yesterday. In 1985, John Cleese (British comedian) was with a friend in Barbados. As the friend described it, "One day, we walked barefoot in the sea, from my hotel to his. The sun was shining, birds were singing, flowers were flowering. He had a new young daughter, Camilla. Everything was rosy. Then John said: You know, Michael, there must be more to life than this.”[/quote]

So what do you think, you who have been practicing this for longer than I have? Does it wear off? Do these amazing feelings subside?

And if not, (and I suspect not is the answer), then is this the answer to habituation that Sood so eloquently wrote about?

 

 

Topic:

Comments

Does it matter? Maybe asking

Does it matter? Maybe asking the question starts the wearing off process. If feelings are in the moment, how can wearing off happen? Habituation seems more about lack of presence and responding to overstimulation. Some ebb and flow is natural.

Totally agree

I totally agree with you, Freedom~~asking the question, by its very nature, means you're living in the future and not in the present.

It's hard to do because we humans seem to be programmed to always be looking around the next corner, but if you can stop doing that and live and love in the moment, then what you get in the moment is what you have.

Ever notice how when one is

Ever notice how when one is somewhere beautiful, looking around stops and the world seems to just come in toward you? And if someone/thing where to try to pull you out of that moment, one can get rather annoyed. Everyone has their own place, a mountaintop, a beach, in sex, etc. The scene is different and the experience the same.

If you ask, "Are we there yet?" you're not there, but you're still here. You're always here. And two people are always here together.

If you ask, "Can we go back there?" you're not there, but maybe you can go back there by being here.

If you ask, "Are we here?" you're not here, but maybe by forgetting about where you are, you'll find here.

I'm here and I have to move on now to another here. Perhaps I'll reread this later to check I've not written nonsense.

well I don't agree

I would like to hear your experiences.

There are many reasons why I might ask a question like that. Really the reason that you think it is, is not the reason.

Am I worried it will wear off?

No. Not a bit. I am convinced it won't but if it does, it does. It's not about me.

I just want to hear your experiences because it will help me reassure my wife if nothing else. She is insecure that this could be a temporary phenomenon.

 

 

Do these amazing feelings ever wear off?

Answer, Nope, they dont. 14 years and they havent worn off yet, or even diminished. In fact they continually expand over time. Deeper and sweeter

The only thing I will say is emotions can bubble to the surface as the karezza process can dig down deep into a persons being and "stuff" can surface. Just letting the emotions be and practicing more karezza has always done the trick for us.

On this note I would suggest that your wifes insecurities may well be some of these "emotions" bubbling up. You know the solution. Besides, in time she will see her fears are unfounded. Karezza DOES work for the long run.

I'll add this. In my opinion, feeling afraid that it wont last is a form of actually considering it could.

thanks Darryl

This is what I suspected.

I've sensed a new level that she may be reaching in this thing. In the process I get a glimmer of her wanting to be more active in whether we have intercourse or not and what happens. Some moodiness. I think this is a good sign. It all is a good sign. 

She is the most amazing woman and I am more grateful every day.

Thanks again

 

Habituation

Thanks for reminding me, Emerson! I can report that I appreciate my wife more each day, and am more in love with her than ever; but I don't think that can be solely because of Karezza, as our 'practice' is irregular, to say the least. I appreciate lots of things more nowadays, which I put down to getting older.

I'll be happy to be proved wrong, though, as our Karezza journey continues. Some degree of habituation is still an everyday reality for me, so it would be wonderful if it was banished altogether.

Is it your feelings for your wife that she fears won't last, or is it her own feelings, as well? I'm not sure from what you've said whether she is experiencing a similar transformation to you.

Sood

No, she's not experienced what I am. She doesn't have the same strong feelings for me this way as I have for her. So the question really is, for her to understand that my feelings for her will not diminish and get back to "normal". I have always loved my wife a great deal but not with the depth that I've felt for the past six months.

Not sure why she hasn't had the same type of transformation in her feelings for me, but it's fine. I think she is still early in her journey. She has had some orgasms, and she is just a different personality. And I think she has some things that are still locked away that will come out in the fullness of time.