Is this the easy path to rebooting?

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Submitted by emerson on
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I didn't have the same issues with video porn as a lot of guys here, but I think my experience may make it a lot easier for you to reboot.

This is all a great experiment because you are rewiring your brain to work along "normal" channels and nobody really knows exactly how to do this in every case or even in most cases.

We're all learning.

So with that, since I'm no expert, all I can do is share my experience and my recommendation.

I think the big mistake most guys make is to avoid sexual contact during reboot.

I stopped a lifelong habit of masturbation and fantasy and porn cold and I've had relatively easy time of it. I'll get to the reason in a moment, but let me give you some really quick background.

I used to have occasional problems getting erect and in fact my first GF who was understanding and helpful became my most wonderful wife and was the first woman I was able to have successful intercourse with.

I would masturbate frequently, once or twice a day, to erotic stories and fantasies. As life went along I would say there was some escalation in these fantasies and as my adult sex life in my marriage progressed, "ordinary" sex seemed less interesting and less rewarding.

When I stopped masturbation and porn and fantasy, as I said, I had an easy time of it. And I think the key was two things.

First, I engaged in daily bonding with my wife as never before. Morning and night, probably 60 minutes or more, and lots of hand holding in between. I just gave my wife a five minute massage while she was at her desk and it felt great to me and to her. This is how I live my life now. With very frequent non-sexual contact but lots of skin to skin and snuggling, massage, stroking, etc.

Most of this doesn't involve kissing or anything overtly erotic.

However, there is something remarkably satisfying with this contact that made it very easy to get over what would have seemed insurmountable before: giving up fantasy and porn and masturbation.

The second part of this process is non-orgasmic sex. Having sex is the object of rebooting, having a good healthy sexual life and good healthy sexual relationships.

If you are rebooting I would strongly suggest you do a lot of bonding and have a lot of non-orgasmic sex.

Some guys say, how can I have sex? I don't get an erection yet. But that is not necessary or important here. You can use soft entry and spend time even with the tip of your penis inside your woman. There is great benefit to this and you wake up a lot of feelings that are deep and amazing.

If you are lucky enough to have a girlfriend or spouse, this is the way to go, I think. Stop porn, stop masturbation, stop orgasms, but engage in daily bonding and lots of non-orgasmic slow sex whether you have an erection or not.

Guys are always measuring their success in rebooting or a sexual activity by the hardness of their erections but this is really a tragedy. Because even sex with a soft penis is sex and you can have incredible feelings without getting an erection. Anyone can get their penis inside a woman even if it isn't an erect penis, and I believe you will benefit greatly by dropping the belief that you must have a strong erection first.

I think this is possibly the key to easy and successful rebooting.

If you don't have a girlfriend or spouse it is much more difficult of course. I don't know what to tell you, except that even sex and snuggling and bonding with a friend would be most helpful. I wouldn't suggest sex with a prostitute or someone casual, but this type of contact would probably help you reboot even if it isn't your lifelong love.

That's all I have to say on this. Your comments and suggestions are most welcome. I would strongly recommend you try this out, though.



emerson wrote:

[quote=emerson]I wouldn't suggest sex with a prostitute or someone casual, but this type of contact would probably help you reboot even if it isn't your lifelong love.[/quote]

Prostitutes are only good for getting used to sex and eliminate performance anxiety.

They don't make reboot easier.

I needed that

Thanks Emerson, I needed that post. Your writing has been very helpful to me during this process.

My main concern is for how my partner feels. I think if it's the right woman she will be understanding and kind, but still I believe that most of them expect an erection to feel like we find them sexy.

It's a tough sell with a new partner, when you have all this other anxiety going on. "Um, sorry, it's me, not you. No really, you turn me on, it's just anxiety and a tiny little porn addiction. Can I try mushing it in there anyway?"

I want them to feel like they are the shit. Without an erection I have to sell them on that point, which is much more difficult.

Never tried a prostitute, I don't think I could, but it's intriguing that they would help with performance anxiety. Has that been your experience Underdog?

mwa wrote:

[quote=mwa]Never tried a prostitute, I don't think I could, but it's intriguing that they would help with performance anxiety. Has that been your experience Underdog?[/quote]


My first attempt at having sex I couldn't get it up. The girl was understanding and didn't make it a big deal, but it completely destroyed me.

After that, every time there was an opportunity to have sex I would get incredibly ANXIOUS and NERVOUS. I remember once when I was at a bar with a friend, we were both kind of drunk, she told me "let's go get a room" and I started shaking uncontrollably. Later on she changed her mind and we didn't do anything.

Now, after being with several prostitutes, I am not scared AT ALL of having sex. There's no anxiety at all and I don't really care that much if I get an erection or not. I now understand that the penis has a mind of its own and that no matter how hard I try to "think" an erection it won't change anything.

I also learned that if I abstain from PMO for several days then I almost never suffer from ED. So I know that if I were to have sex with a regular girl after, let's say, 20 days of abstinence, there won't be any problem with my erection.

Very interesting. It makes a

Very interesting. It makes a lot of sense that prostitutes would help wire the brain to be comfortable with new partners. Maybe we need to add that to the useful rewiring tool list!

That funny.

the erection has always appeared

for me. The fact is it didn't start out that way, and I'm not worrying about whether my penis becomes erect because I'm cool being inside her this way.

Once you "get" this, it is TOTALLY liberating and you are never the same as a man. Because you are no longer Worried About Your Penis.

It isn't a tough sell if you explain it to your woman.

Even today my partner asked me, "are you really okay with not having an orgasm?" and I said "I'm better than okay, this is fabulous for me." And she is forgoing orgasms too. I asked her why and she said it's because I'm doing it, basically.

Anyway, you want to be honest with your partner and open with them. And not obsessing about erections. It's just such a waste of time and energy LOL.