how much arousal?

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Submitted by emerson on
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I'm wondering how much arousal you have in Karezza. It seems there is a spectrum here.

Door #1: Karezza is connecting with very little arousal for a long time --

Door #2: Karezza is having sex without orgasm, with a lot of arousal but short of orgasm.

I'm more Door #2. We have fairly aroused sex, at least I do, and sometimes my partner has an orgasm. Not sure that the Karezza police will come to my door and arrest me, but I'm pretty sure it's okay and we won't get busted. 

Still we don't do the "plug in and hang out" kind of Karezza. Am I missing something? Just wanted to mention it.




Love your questions...

sorry, I don't have answers, but I loved the questions. I am working myself towards Karezza as this re-boot improves. I might actually be mature enough and wising up to the value of this Karezza practise.

What does it feel like , 10 minutes or 30 mins. after you stop sex short of orgasm?

I found myself still very horny, but that was my last re-boot.


it's glorious

I'm not horny in any event anymore, really. And I don't feel that "lack" I used to feel around sex and "getting enough." 

It feels incredible, just amazing, indescribable. I'm not really having sex and stopping short of orgasm, that is an extreme that I mentioned as one extreme. I'm more in that direction than in the "door #1" direction but I don't get close to orgasm usually and if I do I back away from it and stay in a zone of 5 6 or 7 on a 1-10 arousal scale, maybe more towards 6 or 7.

I have noticed recently that if I focus on my root I can easily draw the pleasure up into my whole body and it feels amazing. As soon as I see that pleasure and move my focus to it, it disappears. Kinda interesting.

And the winner is......

Door #2!!!!!!!!

As much as I would love to do the "plug in and hang out" style of Karezza, its not feasible at this point. I have two small children at home and my boyfriend and I both have ADD. I don't have a problem not having an orgasm. The wave of pleasure and connection more than makes up for it.

I think for similar reasons

that's our choice too. My partner has a low drive and she doesn't really want to hang out for a long time. So we end up in the more active zones of arousal. She has said she doesn't feel much otherwise. Much as I would like that to change, it seems fine and we shall see if it ever changes.

It varies.

Since we tend to spend a long time some days (1 to 1.5 hours) we have periods of movment and periods of stillness.  We also change positions a few times during Karezza. At least two or three times, sometimes way more.  We've not found that just 'hanging out' is for us.

But, I  think I feel more when we're moving very slowly, or fully stopped.  It's almost like the internal feelings don't quite register when there's more movement, and I just feel the movement at the external entrance and tissues.  It's as if the signal is 'too loud' from the regular sex movements for my brain to register  the delicious quiet subtle feelings that blossom inside me when we move slowly or stop.  However, we like the mix of both during a Karezza session, so that's what we do. 



stopping short of the cliff

Interesting discussion, I'm wondering how you are able to avoid orgasm during "door #2" Karezza. I have a tough time being very aroused and not going all the way. Maybe it's just self-discipline I need to develop. I'm not sure that "plug in and hang out" is quite our style at the moment.

Good question Emerson

My guide has been an activity level that doesnt end in orgasm or draw me in that direction, after that anything goes. I think its the "draw me in that direction", thats really the guiding force.

Here's an analogy, I imagine a lake where the water is calm and still. Down one end is the outlet where the water leaves. The current flowing out here is strong and will easily pull you out of the lake. Out in the middle where the water is still you can sit in one spot, paddle in any direction with little effort, or let the wind slowly drift you around. On the other hand, when you get close to the outlet you have to watch the pull of the water flow so you dont get sucked down stream. If you hang out right in front of the outlet all your effort will be put into vigilance around not leaving the lake. To me this is an effort around"avoiding" something, to make sure something I dont want doesnt happen. I find this takes away the enjoyment of the lake.

With this said, there is an "activity" level at the outlet that can be fun to play with, provided its fun and playful, not struggle or work. Annabelle and I enjoy the current here, not to the point where we are fighting it, but rather playing with it. Feeling the increased current, being drawn in by it then peeling off into the eddies along the shore line. Watching the current pass under our boat, feeling it pull us and spin us around, then move out into the calmer water and feel the stillness. We like this "activity"

I also think playing where the current is strong requires more skill and experience if its going to be fun and playful rather than an experience of concentrated vigilance. When I first started it felt like I was in an inner tube where I could easily get sucked down stream with little control of my situation. Then I seemed to graduate to a canoe, and finally to a long sleek kayak where I can sit in a fairly strong current with little effort and just a few strokes of the paddle here and there.

In my opinion I think its best in the beginning to stay out in the middle of the lake where a couple can relax and drift and not need to "manage" their experience so much. Take some time to get the feel of the non-orgamic territory. If after a "getting used to it" period one feels drawn to the higher arousal of the stronger current, by all means go over there and play a bit. Find the balance of stillness and activity.

In the end, for us, its really about connection. For whatever reason, maybe just for the play of it, we find the connection stronger closer to the stronger current. Go where you're drawn.... with awareness. Does it increase our connection or decrease it, thats our guide.

I third the wow!

Excellent analogy, Darryl!

And for us, I'd have to say that the target keeps moving...what once would have sent us over the waterfall no longer does (as Darryl also mentioned)...the longer we practice, the easier is is to have more movement and not orgasm. My beloved said the other day that it would take a *lot* for him to get up over a "7" these days. But we have had orgasms and they are usually because we sustained really deep (touching the cervix) penetration, not due to movement.

The only time we really just "plug in and hang out" is when we are wanting to go to sleep that way. We haven't done that in awhile, but it's nice sometimes.

Some Advice Please

Rachel, I am curious about your orgasm from contact with your cervix. When we were still having conventional sex, I was on top thrusting and my girlfriend said I was hitting her cervix and it was painful. Normally she prefers to be on top because I am bigger than she is and it allows her to control penetration better. Is there at trick to this, does position matter? Not that we necessarily need to orgasm, but we’re always looking for more fun things to do. Hope you can give us some help. Thanks.

The cervix

It can be *very* painful for a woman to have her cervix "hit"~~but heavenly to have it slowly and gently and radiantly touched by a loving penis head!

For this to happen the woman has to be very open, relaxed and trusting of her partner. I focus all the time on keeping my pelvic floor relaxed rather than tensing up and constricting my vagina. If there is any in-and-out motion, it's very slow and very deep.

The one position that will pretty much guarantee that things will elevate to a level 10 if we're not careful is me with my hips raised up on a pillow (and him on top). At this point if I let myself use my "third eye" and just let him in all the way in things will escalate to a beautiful orgasm for me (if that's what I want). If I don't want to have an orgasm, I don't suggest using a pillow, lol.

Even though I wasn't asked ;-)

I'll chime in with my two cents. For me the stimulation that feels so good doesn't strike the cervix full on (ouch). It stretches the "end" of the vagina around the cervix. If you're going slowly enough, I suspect your penis finds it's way along the cervix to the end, whereas if you're thrusting away willy nilly you're likely to strike it head on...and hear a yelp.

Thanks for the Responses

Thanks ladies for the information I’ll try to put it to good use. I try to be gentle if I am on top but sometimes we get carried away. I asked my girlfriend to read both your posts, it is sort of up to her if we try it. Maybe she will have her hips up on a pillow tonight.


I agree with Daryl on the it depends how long youve been doing it answer. I would never tell a beginner to do anything other than just stay fairly still. After that it gets easier to move more.

But what i really wanted to say is about my partner. I find her "presence" varys greatly from session to session. She is going through the early stages of menopause and under quite a lot of work stress. Sometimes she will be there, arouse and lubricate, and we can play nearer the lake outlet. But the majority of the time she doesnt arouse, lubricate, or visibly seem to enjoy it. However she persists with wanting to do it so gets somehting out of it i guess. I learned the hard way that when she is like that staying still is the best thing to do. Trying to 'encourage' her is not a recipe for success.

When she is like that i lose my erection quite quickly, and its best if we head to scissors and sleep.

Diana says that recovering our innocence is a long slow process of erosion. Im fairly convinced that she has some sexual trauma lurking that we will probably never know about. In the mean time we just keep connecting and maybe one day some de-lockdown will start to take place.

Im always happy just to connect, even for a little while seems to dissolve my tensions.

I'm kind of there too

my partner is menopausal and she does not lubricate all that much, although it has increased at times recently but not consistently. Just enough to give me glimmers of what's possible. Anyhow, about "presence" as you put it -- this is very real, and I can feel it or the lack of it.

Her presence is increasing in many ways. It has greatly increased. Her body responds much differently than it used to to Karezza. Now she is enthusiastic about it. I am not sure the signal reaches her conscious brain, but her vagina and body respond a lot more than ever. If I ask her (I don't ask anymore) she would say she doesn't feel all that much. But clearly her body feels it. And the effects are far reaching in her obvious greater happiness and our amazing harmony, she looks younger, more feminine, etc.

But she doesn't have the presence for long intercourse, seldom more than 45 minutes and often only 30 minutes. And she wants movement. Not stillness. We alternate between movement and stillness, but the stillness doesn't last more than a minute or two at a time.

And she has no real mid range arousal -- either very little or all the way to orgasm. She isn't interested in avoiding orgasm, particularly, and I'm fine with that.

The last time she had an orgasm was like, we're doing things, hanging out, I'm aroused, I always am more on the arousal train, and then suddenly I could tell she was going to come, and she did. Just a switch, boom, there it is, and she is coming. So her arousal pattern is quite different from mine, that's for sure.

Hi again

>seldom more than 45 minutes and often only 30 minutes.

If shes off line yes thats the extent of it.

>And she wants movement. Not stillness.

Ifs shes off line movement just hurts her, so we go for stillness if thats the case.

> And she has no real mid range arousal -- either very little or all the way to orgasm.

Exactly. She either arouses or doesnt. Black and white. In the past shes been happy without orgasming, but the last three times she aroused she orgasmed. That was weeks ago, and shes been off line ever since. But then her period consisted of a half hour of spotting and cramps.

I'm not really sure how i can help, but be patient.

We finally finished THOTS, and i will order feelings and emotions next i think, or love letters. We miss our daily diana. Is tantric orgasm for women likely to be much more detailed and help her more?

We’ll Take Door Number 2 Please

We are definitely Door Number 2 people. Maybe it’s our age but we like more arousal. We do back off and have rest sessions; they are pretty cool because we can just stay together and then start up again. So far this fall has been pretty busy, rough classes and work, not living together now; our schedules don’t even match up. So lately we have been more at the “Quickie Karezza” Door—maybe that’s Door Number 3.

As for intensity we like to crank it up a bit, usually about an 8 on the Emerson Scale. Then we slide back down; slow down the action or change positions. That is still reasonably safe for us if we‘re careful. We find that after a couple times of getting pretty heated up and cooling back down we can stay at that upper level easier. My girlfriend had more trouble with going from a 5 to over the edge without realizing it in the beginning but now we are more in sync. I needed to be a better partner; I was only monitoring my arousal level at first but we found it better to watch each other’s also.

A few times we had really nice long sessions with some great emotional connections. We stayed coupled together afterwards and just cuddled. My girlfriend gets real emotional and kind of weepy then and just wanted me to hold her. It can be a great way to drift off to sleep. That is about as close as we get to Door Number 1.

Door 2.5

There is a form of play we sometimes enjoy when moving in the stronger current where I'm monitoring her arousal level and I take responsibility to keep her from going over the edge. This is a very sweet experience for the both of us as she gets to completely relax and let go into the experience without any self restraint and I get to drink in this extra level of her feminine openess and receptivity. It requires my complete focus on the subtlest of her signals, her breathing, her body language and movement. Its a wonderfully strong play between the masculine and feminine poles, to take and be taken. To be the pilot and take control with the direction to hold a space where she can float free in the liquid experience of receiving with no self monitoring. I dont know if I'm explaining it well and I think of it as a bit of a advanced karezza practice, but Its really quite sweet done right with love and deep affection.