How much warmup do you she or he need ?

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Submitted by emerson on
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I am interested in how much warmup you or your partner needs or wants before penetration takes place.  Especially wondering what the women need or want.  



No warm up for us. Just a

No warm up for us. Just a simple question, typically early in the morning while we are still in bed, from me to her, 'May I?,' followed invariably by 'Yes,' with me then getting out of bed to lube up, returning to bed, and inserting. My wife is fully ready, physiologically, almost immediately, usually. And, if not, the lube eases things until she is.

This depends on the

This depends on the individuals, moods, cycles, energy levels, use of lube, amount of body lubrication, etc. Perhaps no single approach is more common.

For us it varies. Mostly minimal, but sometimes she wants more. Sometimes we're dry and lube is necesssary, other times not. I've not figured out if there's a particular reason she wants more at times. Perhaps she's dryer or less arroused at those times.

A lot.

Unfortunately, menopause has hit me hard. And lube doesn't help prevent the pain. Only 10 or 20 minutes of warming up does, and then the lube helps.

And add in frequent, sweaty hot flashes, that interrupt every attempt at snuggles, well, I'm not a very happy karezza camper anymore.

We are not an unhappy couple, however. Just frustrated at this stage of my body's changes.


Vaginal Atrophy

See, e.g.,

Do you find this for you?

Does intercourse, without treatment, make [Vaginal Atrophy] worse or not?
It makes it better. The more sexual activity you have, the more pelvic blood flow you’ll have.
--- Source: explains one theory behind the sex helps approach. It also gives some fitness and diet tips.

Have you tried anything much so far?


The heat that is in me
Ignites her
The warmth that was once welcomed on cold nights
Is now too hot
I watch the blush rise to her cheeks
to her chest
Red burning
I feel her heat, radiated
Too hot
No peace

Quizure, how is your diet?

Quizure, how is your diet? We have made 180 degree changes in how we eat, and we feel so much better. We are 53 and 52. We no longer eat wheat or cow's milk. We buy few processed foods. We eat lots of vegetables and some goat cheese, eggs, meat, fish, grains, and fruit. I grow sprouts, greens, herbs, and make sauerkraut, broth from organic chickens, and fermented vegetable and fruit drinks. We no longer have aches and pains from incipient arthritis, no longer have post-meal fogginess, are less irritable, and have more energy, and better focus. Good exercise -- yoga for my wife (blood type A) and high intensity, short duration for me (blood type O) -- and taking daily astaxanthin/krill oil (for Omega 3 fats) -- helps, too.

I presume my wife went into menopause two-or-three years ago or so, but have never heard comments from her on it. She is a private person when it comes to things like that.

Just food for thought, friend!

What's the rush?

My wife has always found foreplay a drag. She is single minded in her desire to have my penis inside her vagina. This isn't a Karezza thing. She's been like that since we first met.

We don't use lubrication, so what happens when she's not ready? My preference is to concentrate on other things. Kissing, for example. Or stroking, with no particular intent for it to cause arousal. Without that intent, it usually does, so long as the activity is sufficiently erotically charged. It is a delicate balance - well worth pursuing, for its own sake - holding sexuality in mind, without desiring its immediate fulfillment.

My wife goes along with this, but she is happiest if I simply place the head of my penis at the entrance to her vagina and wait. This seems to stimulate arousal in her more effectively than anything else, though I find it a bit like being stopped at a level crossing, keeping my engine idling while waiting for the gates to open!

The answer to Emerson's question is, I need very little warm up, but I'd sometimes like more; whereas my wife wants very little, but sometimes needs more.

Holding Space for the "YES"

When we were first learning about Karezza, we read the book by Rudolph Von Urban called, "Sex Perfection". His advice was, to place the penis at the opening of the vagina and leave it there for at least 10 minutes before any penetration was to occur. This method creates a presence of yang energy to "hold space" until the vagina is fully in a receptive state. For us, this works and is necessary. Sometimes a little less time is needed, we just go by how we feel.
Diana Richardson's concept of positive and negative poles sending and receiving energy to each other (even if the genitals are aligned but not connected), makes a lot of sense. The bodies get a chance to warm up before intercourse happens. We've found that, when we have tried to skip this step, the quality of our lovemaking was very different. While "waiting at the gate" we're able to relax, gaze, kiss, stroke and, feel the energy start to circulate which creates moisture and warmth. So in this way it would be considered a warm up.
Our ideal warm-up first would include some body movement. Like a walk, dance, qi gong, yoga, etc. Secondly, bathe. Thirdly, meditate. Fourth, do a little bit of bonding, like massage etc. Fifth, breast holding, which we usually do for about 5-10 min. This is wonderful for us both. It is energizing for the man and he can feel breast energy coming in through his hands and streaming into his body. For the woman the breast energy allows the vagina to start opening. Six, leaving the penis at the entrance of the vagina (the pre-entry). And then, it's time to Get it On!

this morning

we had like 10 minutes, so I just lubed up and stuck it in.  Slowly of course. And in about 2 or 3 minutes, all was good. My penis was soft on entry and then got hard as it always does these days, and we had fun for 10 minutes. 

This is an extreme. No warmup time at all. But usually we like to have 10 minutes or 15 minutes of snuggle time first. Although it isn't necessary.

The exception is if I've ejaculated in the past couple of weeks. In that case, I find I need to rebuild sexual energy before I begin intercourse. Warmup for me becomes more important.

We don't

Karezza is more like a bonding session to us and it always starts after some kissing and embraces. Nothing like so called warm up is required. The hardness I get and the wetness she has is enough to initiate our karezza love making after those passionate kisses. I enters her very slowly and take few minutes to get into fully inside her. Though we remain mainly still afterwards but she produces enough wetness that I feel. I said once that it is one of the beauty of karezza that we don't need that hot lustful mood to make love anymore.