"I don't feel as much as you do"

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Things are great. We have sex almost every day and really enjoy each other so much.

She still says that she doesn't have the same feelings as I do. I have sent some of Rachel's posts on breasts and quotes from Richardson and I think she's reading it. I'm kind of working with her in a light way sometimes to focus on her breasts. And I'm not touching them with my hands so as not to evoke a defensive reaction. (Thanks Rachel for your amazing posts.)

My partner has never meditated or focused her thinking that way and it's new to her. 

Yesterday we went to dance and it was such a lovely experience touching and being close that way during the day when normally we are sort of separate. Over night I kept waking up and thinking of her. This morning very early she woke me up (which I love) and we had this wonderful intercourse that was nicer than usual.

I'm becoming more and more of a fan of dancing and, if you don't have a partner, dance lessons and dancing. It is so great! Especially partner dancing. I noticed there is a country western place and there are a ton of unaccompanied girls. If I was looking I'd be there all the time. Have fun, dance, be close to girls, and chat them up. What fun!

I think she's finally starting to wake up to wanting to feel more than she does. She said she doesn't feel that much. It's pleasant but not the kind of feelings I get. She is 16 days from O last time. And it's been over seven months since we started this Karezza adventure.

It may take her awhile but when she gets it, she gets it. She'll wake up to this sooner or later, I'm sure.

I was re-reading an early post I made in February when I was worrying about my erections. I no longer worry about them. I don't manually stimulate my penis and I get spontaneous erections without effort. If she's not into it that de-energizes me, of course, but generally I have erections for as long as I want. They may go down a bit but they come back on their own when it's a good idea for them too. 

Looking back I'd say it took me a good six months to really reboot and become a full on Karezzanaut. I still haven't orgasmed and it's been seven months and I have such amazing incredible feelings now when we have sex. The other day I almost came but did some simple techniques to avoid it and I didn't.

We don't have intercourse for longer than maybe 20 minutes because she isn't yet in a mode where she is focusing enough for that. But as I say, I think we'll get there. Your thoughts always appreciated.

 

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ugh - this Karezza stuff can be difficult!

Last night I *finally* got her to watch the Richardson video and she got angry with me.

She said she feels inadequate. She doesn't have the same drive I do, or much of a drive at all. She doesn't necessarily want intercourse as frequently as I do and she finds it hard to say no, is what it amounts to.

I said she isn't present with it. And she agreed. I said, why not put a little work in to be more present. She has never meditated and she doesn't initiate much of anything new. She leaves that to me. That's our partnership. And things weren't going well before really, and it's better now. She agreed it's much better now.

But she was very angry still, and she insisted that everything was going along well enough in our sex life before. She thought it was okay and then I had to change things over.

And Richardson said in the video that it often takes a woman "an hour or more" to get ready and I never gave her that kind of time.

I said there is a lot more to the video and to her books and to this Karezza. That lots of people use a minimum of foreplay and lube the penis and insert. And that the key is for her to be present in her body, as I am in mine when we are together having sex.

We had a discussion of all that, then went to bed and snuggled for long time. I really get off on this sometimes, almost in an orgasmic way, and she noticed that of course and commented. I said, it's because I'm really present in my body and you can work to be present in yours. It's very enjoyable.

Then we spooned and she fell asleep.

This Karezza stuff is sometimes very difficult. 

and later...it's all great again

I just have to say that sometimes when you get these speed bumps in life...these periods of an impasse or frustration...that they lead to breakthroughs.

We had intercourse today after yesterday's argument. She initiated it all. And afterwards I asked her what she felt. She said, "I didn't feel sexually turned on but I felt really good like cuddling but more so."

She loved the feeling.

I think this is a new discovery for her...it takes bodies and brains real time to adjust.

And I put this all on this thread so you can if you are interested (or I can if I come back here to read this) see how things "are darkest before the dawn" and how it can take MONTHS for stuff to move to a different or higher level...

It's great that you're such a good listener

even when someone says something you don't want to hear.

It's astonishing how many things resolve themselves in surprising ways, if we just listen. I'm still learning this lesson myself.

I'm glad she's open to experiencing new things. I know you know this, but remember not to pressure her. Resistance gets in the way of subtle feelings.

Thanks Marnia

I'd rather know the truth even if it's not pleasant. I've found it's far better that way LOL.

This was just so weird. She went from a terrible mood to her normal good mood overnight and it all seemed to pivot around that Richardson video. 

Karezza really is much deeper than I imagined. Darryl did tell me that but I didn't understand as well what he meant as I do now. 

And we get the thrill of this self realization with a partner. How wonderful is that!

I really can't pressure my wife at this point. She is on to my tricks Diablo

I guess

she feels inadequate or like you might find her "insufficient." Imagine if she were into some kind of sex that you couldn't deliver....

In any case, karezza smooths bumps. It's cool that she let the bad feelings go...wherever they came from.