I had resolved -- no intercourse. Well, here is how that turned out

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Woke up early this morning with a lot more of those good feelings for Sparkles back. Not 100% but maybe 70%. And it was *very* early, like 4AM. I don't need that much sleep but she does.

But she was awake too (post O day 6 I think).

Anyway, I was resolved. No intercourse. Two weeks.

Something in how I was acting with this resolve drew her in her quiet way to me.

We kissed and hugged and snuggled for some time. There was a little focus on my part on her genitals at some point, just a little very light teasing. She was aroused.

At some point I knew she was wondering, why isn't he making a move? She really wanted me to.

Now, I could finish this story two ways. One way is that I left here that way, wondering, and turned over and went back to sleep.

Or the second way, I could leave it, "hey, you want me to put it in? Really and truly, you're not saying that because I want to?" and she says yes, yes, and I can see in her eyes and her body that she really wants me.

So I'll go with the second way this story ends, because it is truthful. So we have intercourse for a bit and it's really not the melty kind of Karezza, it's not quite urgent and hungry either, but it's more like regular sex I would say. Then she is on top of me, I go soft, then I get hard again at some point.

She is ready to come, but we're done. I could be accused of trying to control her orgasm but it wasn't like that.

I think she really enjoyed it. A lot. Neither of us had an orgasm. I got close, she got really close, so it was a bit more "edgy". Felt great. I would have gone around some more but she wanted to get back to sleep. I would call it "energy Karezza" not "Tantric Karezza."

So what are the lessons here?

1. She does have a libido. Hahahaha, as if I didn't know that devil

2. There was not urgency on my part to do anything. That attracted her to me. I was literally on my back not looking to do anything with her, and she was seducing me, in a low key way. Very low key, but it was there. I changed the game and that really got her attention.

3. We spent a comparatively lot of time getting aroused (or getting her aroused, I was aroused in 2 seconds) and all of that. In the mornings normally there is a big rush on her part to get out of the house to go exercise and this puts pressure on me to "get right to it" which is not good.

The previous two days, I was very angry for some reason, I think related to rebooting. I never really acknowledged in my own mind how big a step this is for me. I've had fantasies and things rolling around in my brain almost non stop this past 24 hours, and the weird anger. It's settling down and I don't have that anger feeling.

Today I felt better when I woke up very early and I had more of those feelings for Sparkles back, and I could tell things are getting back.

Now I am more determined than ever to move to the center here, and let her do some coming to me instead of pushing myself on her. I really, really can see how great it is to give her space.

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Just a thought~~

She might want you and welcome you in even more if you *don't* touch her genitals. Focusing on that area, even just little bit (especially the clitoris), can cause the vagina to constrict rather than relax and open for you. I don't mind being touched and played with down there *after* we've had intercourse, but before intercourse, it makes me tense up. Whisper soft touches everywhere except there are wonderful, though.

I'm glad she came to you and really wanted you~~such a good feeling for you, I'm sure!

Yeah it feels great

To have her want me. 

 The genital play was very light, gentle pulling of pubic hair, brushing a little on the vulva. I hadn't done any of this for the last 2 months and I guess I wanted her to be aroused. I know you are right Rachel about this though.  Perhaps we are in a transitional period where she is getting sensation and arousal back. Dunno.

Isn't it amazing

how those "problems than can't be solved and are reason for despair" just seem to evaporate or present solutions as our neurochemistry moves back toward homeostasis?

Truly shows how much of our love lives are projection follies born of neurochemical ripples.

Glad things are moving back into focus. There could be a couple more ripples as you know.

It is never linear

Certainly we will have more ripples. I know now that I am really in reboot mode and so is she really. And I cannot believe how much the neurochemistry affects everything.  Astounding. Loving feelings come from neurochemicals.  My feelings tangibly change depending on if I leak precum or am continuously aroused for several days or other unexplainable reasons. Big shifts in my feelings though. Huge.