the inevitability of orgasm

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Submitted by emerson on
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occasionally sometimes it just seems inevitable. I mean even before the act, or very early. I am learning from this...what have you concluded? Do you ever feel this way? I don't try to stop it, it is truly impossible...



I don’t know if my experience

I don’t know if my experience of Karezza style love making over the last couple of years will help but it might.

When we first started a more relaxed, and less goal orientated style of love making what we noticed was that we made love much more frequently – generally every other day even when we might be tired or not feeling 100% well.

We also noticed that my wife’s frequency of orgasm dropped quite quickly to about every five times we made love and then declined further to about every 10-14 days. I found however, that I’d orgasm (i.e. ejaculate) more frequently than she would but the frequency still dropped so that I rarely ejaculated more than every 7-10 days. Sometimes though the point of “no return” appeared out of the blue within a few seconds and, so far, I’ve never pulled back when this occurs.

More recently though I’ve noticed something has changed. I often have really intense feelings, which I’ll call orgasms, but I don’t ejaculate. The longest interval here has been about a month between ejaculations.

Sometimes though I realise the moment I enter my wife that ejaculation is inevitable because of how I feel. I’m fortunate in that I don’t seem to suffer any “fall out” when this happens, perhaps because I’m so relaxed about sex these days by not pursuing the goal of ejaculation.

If you ejaculate

without trying, then maybe it just needs to happen. A sort of "spring cleaning?"

On the other hand, since you and your wife decided that she would orgasm frequently, your frequency of ejaculation has gone up too, right?

yes it has gone up

sometimes it is just so inevitable...but it still has fallout so I like to avoid it. When we were cuddling it was inevitable. I just knew 100%. 

This time I stayed hard for a long time and she had several orgasms afterwards. Maybe that closeness will help prevent fallout. The longer a couple is together in intercourse, perhaps, the less fallout afterwards. Perhaps.

Frequency, probably about once a month these days...


"It's a mystery"

All we can do is watch and learn and share. We know the idea is worth exploring. And we know there's more to understand.

And, honestly, it's fun research to do. Biggrin

Can you clarify what you mean

Can you clarify what you mean by inevitable? People frequently use the word know when there's just some high probablitiy.

My partner and I have both noticed a sort of mental high wire act around orgasm. If one's thinking gets too far off balance, recovery is tough. The best solution might be to immediately stop. Otherwise, the outcomes perhaps depend upon how balanced one is in general, how high the wire is, is there a safety net, and so on.

I try to stay connected for a bit after orgasm. It's hard to know if such actions mitigate anything or are folly.

inevitability @freedoream

Alright, so here's what happens.

My feelings for my partner go up and down. They are always 100 times what they used to be, but they may go up to 200 times better than they used to be. And we continue having sex (me karezza, she may have an orgasm but usually does not) and at some point, I REALLY feel like 500 times more love towards her, and at some point we're having Karezza and the thought pops into my mind and it is IMPOSSIBLE not to come. And if not this time, then it will happen next time.

The only way to stop it is to not have sex at all. I mean, pull out, stop, and not have sex tomorrow either.

But it seems REALLY inevitable. There is no WAY to stop them short of having no sex for awhile which isn't going to happen.

The last time this happened, there was an erotic moment that just took place in real life outside the bedroom, and I knew at that moment, it was going to seal my fate :)  

In other words, my feelings and hormones bubble up to a level where they cannot be contained cooly enough.

I'm actually doing the orgasm thing around once every 4 to 6 weeks as that is when this spillover happens. 

Last time, I did stay connected for a long time, and she came a few times, and I stayed hard a long time. )Which in the old days wouldn't have happened, but that is incidental to my explanation.)

My feelings for her dipped but not as much.

They didn't dip as *much* as usual the following week (but still dipped.) Why? Maybe because we stayed connected. Maybe because it's spring. Mantak Chia says orgasms in Spring aren't so bad compared to those in Winter in terms of their effect on men. 

And once in the following week when we had sex, I had some difficulty getting hard at one point, which will happen on day 3 or 4 after an orgasm. It happened when it was her turn to be on top. Which is the posiiton requiring energy to come from her. So here I am, drained of sexual energy, and she doesn't have much either.

Part of it is in my case my wife is really not that into sex honestly, so she is cool most of the time, and when it is up to her energy level to govern, she is feminine and involved and receptive but doesn't inject a lot of her own energy. So if mine is really low, sexually speaking, it leaves very low energy for sex and that is common about day 3 or 4 afterwards.

I think a lot of guys experience this actually, even guys much younger than me. I don't know how I failed to notice it all those years...

I hope this explains things Freedom.