Karezza: What's it done to your pleasure quotient, and to your sex drive

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Submitted by emerson on
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I wanted to ask you who are practicing Karezza.

Do you find sex more pleasurable than it used to be, the same or less?

And do you find your sex drive has increased, remained the same or decreased?

For me the pleasure is off the charts and has kept getting better. But awhile back one of the guys here posted something that sort of shocked me, to the effect that it wasn't really so much about higher pleasure for him than it was about more connection and sense of loving connection. And it is all that for me too, but it is really incredibly pleasurable these days and the pleasure goes on and on really.

My sex drive has always been high. It remains quite high but two changes. One is that I really miss it if we don't engage in intercourse at least every other day. And two is that it is not urgent like it used to be or uncomfortable. I think that although I wouldn't want to, I could go a time without sex now, and I doubt I would masturbate either. Although who knows as that isn't what life has presented to me. Anyway, it just doesn't feel urgent anymore although I do have a high sex drive as ever.

So anyhow, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  

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Pretty new to this, but YES

I'm pretty new to the idea of practicing Karezza, but so far, I would say most definitely it's better.

I'm in a NoFap reboot and shortly thereafter I discovered karezza. Read the articles about the orgasm hangover, recognized with some absence from a daily masturbatory orgasm that I was actually having a hangover. So 21 days later, I'm loving going without orgasm.

Had some of the most amazing sex since then. Transcendent. I'm 39 years old and I've probably had 10,000 peak orgasms in my life. A few days ago I experienced a valley orgasm.

My wife is almost through her last orgasm cycle and is dedicated to trying this. Last night she really wanted to go for an orgasm after not allowing herself to have one. I'm not sure she's into this style of sex for the long run, but I can go really slow and satisfy her and still avoid orgasm.

best not to try to pressure her

that's what I learned. Best to let her enjoy her orgasms and fully support her in whatever she wants to do, and avoid them yourself.

I only have orgasms by accident. My wife has them frequently and that's fine with me. We went a year without her having them and it wasn't that great. Everyone is different and you have to find your way as a couple and that takes a good 6 to 12 months.

Congrats on your reboot. The more cuddling you can do, the more non orgasmic contact with your wife, the easier it is to continue. I abruptly stopped a lifelong porn and masturbation habit and never looked back. It was all due to Karezza and lots of cuddling and non sexual contact with lots of Karezza. 

Thanks

Good to know others have gone before me.

I did go ahead and tell her, if that's what you want, let's go for it. She tried, but then changed her mind and backed off. 30 minutes later we debriefed the experience and she said that she honestly was still feeling really satisfied by the experience, which is exactly how I feel after Karezza style sex

Definitely not trying to pressure her. Been telling her that if she wants orgasms, I'm more than happy to help her get there.

Well, Ive probably spoken

Well, Ive probably spoken about this before but I'm happy to say it again.....the increase in pleasure is so much greater, I cant really put words to it. When people tell me they couldnt consider giving up orgasm I want to tell them they have no idea the pleasure they're missing, but you know how it is, the brain just goes on "tilt" when you try to explain....so generally I dont.

As far as libido, that too is so much greater, its like I just cant get enough of her. Luckly, she cant get enough of me as well.

And of course the increase in the depth of connection, which in some ways is the sweetest part.

So we've got increased pleasure, increased libido and stronger, deeper connection. Why everyone on the planet isnt singing the praises of this I have no idea. Its like the big secret that when you try to share it you just get blank stares. Its a great conversation stopper though.

Pleasure

I always found conventional sex incredibly pleasurable; but I never liked the fact it had to end, and especially not in the usual, frantic way. For me, it's not that the pleasure of unconventional sex is greater, so much as my appreciation of it. The slowing down and prolongation of intercourse is so much more deeply felt and fulfilling, that all desire for bringing it to an end - still less an abrupt one - becomes lost. Most things turn out to be better taken slowly, and sex is no exception.

I wouldn't say my sex drive has changed much, overall. It's still circumstantially and seasonally driven (warm weather, long days, free time and nobody else around, as opposed to being wrapped up against the cold, in the dark, busy or sociable); but my wife's has certainly increased.

The major insight I've gained from practicing Karezza is that orgasm is entirely optional. It's no longer a case of 'denying' myself a climax; having one has become an occasional, not particularly exciting indulgence. For my wife, though, while likening Karezza to 'eating an everlasting ice cream', the marrow shaking pleasure of orgasm is still her primary goal.

is it just my limited

is it just my limited perception or are men more likely to engage in non orgasm sex than women.

sex for me had been less and less fun simply because my partner struggled with the no orgasm part and would feel bad when she did but always did,,and then,sometimes eliminating sex for a month or more but then decided just to have regular style sex...I would have been better off never telling her about karezza at all. now I am single and way less excited to have sex with someone else again...I can easily go without sex now, using Tibetan breathing exercises. so I guess the pleasure could have been greater if I had been able to navigate the challenges better. lots to learn. for now, slightly discouraged...

Sorry about the discouragement

I'm a bit confused by your post because it sounds like you two never really *did* karezza. If not, then there's every reason to be optimistic about the future. You get a fresh chance to charm a partner into it and give it a try.

Any propects around??

no, I guess we never really

no, I guess we never really did it together...brushing up on the charm...it is the third girlfriend in a row that I was not able to share karezza with...the first one flat out said she did not believe in it, the second agreed to it but would always orgasm as did the last. and I do notice a big decrease in sex drive once the relationship was past the "honeymoon" beginning, and orgasms did not stop for her...which kind of sucks when yours increases or at least stays high...so, I am trying to search in myself for why I may unconsciously be choosing partners that do not share karezza with me, or asking if more men than women are into it.

My wife of 24 years and I

My wife of 24 years and I have been experimenting with sex without orgasm for about 9 months now. It has really been a miracle for us. Really. My cravings for porn just evaporated almost overnight since we started. Before I found this site, we would often go weeks without sex, and sometimes the sex seemed more like glorified masturbation.

9 months later, it just seems to get better and better! We never considered ourselves high libido types, but we often have sex in the morning and at night, sometimes for days in a row. But its not just the frequency that is amazing - it is the level of pleasure and contentedness. There are all these levels that we never even fathomed before. It takes time to find them - after an hour of lovemaking we seem to find ourselves in another dimension.

We keep asking ourselves "how did we not know about this before??" "how come everyone is not doing this??"

I continue having orgasms occasionally, sometimes by accident but on two occasions they were purposeful after a month of regular sex without coming. I'm telling you, these were the most long lasting powerful orgasms I had ever experienced. I never thought I would be one of those multi-orgasmic guys, but I can understand it now. They were mind blowing.

All in all, my wife tends to have more orgasms than I do, but she often doesn't

Another one of the most amazing things to me is that the "blue balls" I used to experience occasionally seems to have vanished. In our old way of having sex, I could not have imaged stopping before orgasm an then going to sleep. I would have felt too pent up. I don't experience the same sense of urgency about finishing now. Its wonderful to finish a love making session knowing that it will continue so soon!

We really feel like we have rediscovered our youth, but in many ways its better now than when we were first married!

Lastly, we have had some extra stress in our lives the past few months due to some crisis in our extended family. Both my wife and I have been struggling with some new challenges. However, Karezza has helped us keep our sanity! Its nice to know we can go into our other world and not think about all the outside stress for a while. It's like a mini vacation to an exotic island somewhere! No airports necessary.

Good to hear

Since you two are mixing karezza and conventional, can I ask if you notice any changes in feelings of wellbeing, closeness or general life chaos during the two weeks after a climax?

                                                                                          --Your friendly lab technician

I do notice the changes: a

I do notice the changes: a little more distance, a little less patience with each other.

We sometimes have timed our climax to happen right before she menstruates. It seems to be a good time of the month to get a little more space.

When I have gone a full 30 days, it doesn't seem to take very long for my interest to rekindle, especially if she had not climaxed. In fact that seems to be something that has worked for us - taking turns with our orgasms. In the past we always used to want to climax together, or at least during the same session. It seems by staggering, the "non-satisfied" partner is able to rekindle the other.

So far, though, I've been happiest during the 30 days of abstaining. However, I may be ready to go longer.

fantastic to see how you're doing

thanks for posting this. Very encouraging.

Personally I'm seeing that orgasms can affect my perceptions for many days afterwards and the effects are icky so I avoid them if I can. I even get them sometimes when things get too edgy for more than a few days in a row. So no orgasm is needed, just the edgy sex. At least for me. 

But your question, why didn't anyone tell us this? is a great one!

We just run programs unconsciously and the rest of the world is all about running the wrong programs. No wonder we didn't know.

Thanks again to Marnia and Gary for this site.

Great to hear, pianoluvr!

Great to hear, pianoluvr!

I, too, am much happier now with our sex life (wife of 22 years, also). We have been at Karezza for four months now. My climax control got better almost overnight last week. I feel great: more powerful, more relaxed, more energetic. My wife's libido, or at least acquiesence, has markedly improved, too.

emerson, I retired five years ago and began searching for truth in economics, history, religion, science, food, etc. I have concluded that things like Karezza have been deliberately withheld from us, to make us better slaves -- craving, unsettled -- to The Cabal. Same with their pushing of GMOs, vaccines, fluoridation, chemtrails, poor vs. rich, black vs. white, believer vs. atheist, Christian vs. Muslim, etc.

I appreciate that you mention

I appreciate that you mention climax control, John G. I have experienced the same thing. In the past, I tended to be a bit of a "hair trigger" in this regard. My wife has been surprised and amazed at the increase in my stamina since we altered our sex life. We both are feeling so lucky and grateful that we have discovered this.

We have pondered that people have affairs trying to attain the passion that we have rediscovered these past several months. It is true that after many years of marriage sex becomes more mundane and passion just isn't what it once was. In a real way, we feel like we are having an exciting affair, but with each other! That makes it even better.

Today I had a funny thought

that this idea of a "pleasure quotient" suggests math that could describe the "value proposition" of Karezza. In my case, the pleasure of Karezza seems to be continuously rising; we are constantly reaching states that feel beyond what we did before, we have sex for a lot longer and more often than before, and we're both enjoying it a lot more than before (especially her).

Since orgasm is a peak experience that lasts a very short time, it got me thinking about "the area under the curve". So, to look at it mathematically, Karezza is better than orgasmic sex because the area under the curve is way higher (and getting bigger all the time). Having done the experiment enough times (both ways), it's become very clear to me both experientially and mathematically that orgasm isn't worth it (unless I'm trying to make a baby). That helps me ignore the voice in my head that says "go for it, an orgasm would feel great right now".

But apart from its quantitative difference, Karezza is qualitatively different (for me) in that each experience is unique; not obscured by the mechanical, automatic drive towards release. And of course, there are the many pair-bonding benefits; we are both happier with our marriage and with life in general.

And for Your Next Parlor Trick...

...sender, please lay out the two equations, with your suggested variables -- e.g., pleasure of orthodox sex = f(ax + by + cz) vs. pleasure of Karezza = f(dx + ey + fz) -- so that I can plug in values and plot graphs (ha, ha).

Your insight of 'area under the graph' makes great sense: more frequent intercourse and of longer duration -- tempered by reduced highs of valley orgasm compared to peak orgasm -- certainly seems to pencil out to much more accumulated pleasure.

I see two sets of graphs, a probability distribution function (for the measured pleasure of each individual intercourse session) and a cumulative distribution function (for lifetime accumulated pleasure).