Karezzanauts: how often do you come?

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Submitted by emerson on
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And in what circumstances?

I went 7 months once without an orgasm.

Nowadays it seems about every 3 or 4 weeks that I come. I practice a hot version of Karezza, and my wife sometimes comes although not most of the time. (She tends to come 2 or 3 times now, instead of just once, when she does come...not sure why)

I stay away from the edge, at least mostly. Sometimes, I find that I am not as hard as normal, for some reason, and work harder at getting hot...and these are the instances when I do come. It suddenly just seems inevitable, nothing stopping it, and it happens.

I do feel a bit weird and disconnected a day or so afterwards, and then it helps to lay together and rebuild sexual energy. Which we do anyway. It takes a week to really recover from it...

When she comes I feel weird sometimes too...and notice that day 3 is kinda really off...

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As little as possible

We don't like the effects either. I'd say Gary probably averages 3x a year. Now that I'm post menopausal I find it fairly easy to avoid inadvertent orgasms, but once in a while I have one in a dream. Even then I notice some effects.

We really enjoy the easy harmony and loving feelings that prevail otherwise.

Recently, I would

Recently, I would inadvertently ejaculate every 10 days or so. But, suddenly, it seems like the interval between inadvertent ejaculations is getting longer and that I am gaining even more control over things. I am trying to keep further from the edge. I now use shorter, slower movements while deep inside, and it seems to work for me, with little-to-no loss in enjoyment.

When I was using more movement in and out, tripping over the edge happened quickly, with no real chance of stopping things.

Neat, how the body adapts to changes in practice: my erections are more frequent, harder, and longer lasting than they have been in a very, very long time.

Neat, that some can go four-to-seven months between ejaculations. I hope to get there.

My recovery mirrors your experience, e-: weak and disconnected for a day or two, with full recovery in a week or so.

My wife has never climaxed during Karezza. She regularly climaxed during 'animal' intercourse.

We have been practicing Karezza for 14 months.

At least once in every 4 week

My wife and I are into karezza for 3 years. We practice "still and relaxed" version of karezza and so we hardly find us tripping over the edge. But, we also practice slow version of conventional sex that leads both of us to orgasms once in every 4 week just before her period starts. Few days break during her period helps us to recover.

No, actually.

We are not to have sex during her period so we actually find this way is more suitable. Being on pills my wife has very regular periods and we know what we are doing. We like to end up this way rather than ending up with an inadvertent orgasm or with wet dream and experience the disconnection for few days. Also, my cumulative pressure building inside needs a release otherwise It makes me sometimes uncontrollably horny and makes us miss the mental and emotional attachment. Everybody is different. I don't think I can go for so long like Emerson or Gary.

And when we engage in our version of conventional sex, it's not like the old style we know. It maybe like the karezza that John G. used to practice with more in-out movement embracing what comes naturally at the end instead of running towards it madly or escaping away from it forcefully. And when I know we are not going to make love for next 3 days automatically it turns out that way. And it's much better than the old style sex that we used to do.

Orgasm frequency

I'm finding circumstances have a big say in this. For many, many months I was finding it not only easy but increasingly enjoyable to postpone orgasm almost indefinitely. The reason for this was simple: a prolongation of pleasure. My wife was happy to come along for the ride. Whenever we strayed into hotter territory than we could cope with, I tended to ease off while letting her go over the edge. Occasionally, I went with her. So, I was probably averaging one or two orgasms a month, with my wife twice that many.

The only lasting downside from orgasm I was aware of was a diminished interest in sex over the following day or two. I was acutely aware of and sensitive to any symptoms of disconnectedness, and always made a point of expressing affection, however I was feeling, which was invariably reciprocated - so the knowledge of what might lie in store for us by way of fallout could well have helped prevent it from happening.

Recently, however, orgasms have become much more frequent, for both of us. In fact, they almost always occur. The reason for this is simple. We have been on an extended 'camping trip'. Our days are warm but our nights are cold. There is no way to be naked in any comfort other than under thick covers at night. The duvet we have is incredibly heavy. If it lifts away from the bed it lets in jets of cold air. Moving around under the leaden weight of this duvet without letting cold air in is not easy. Consequently, we got into the habit of making love in relatively motionless, sideways positions, but the problem was, my wife found these incredibly soporific.

The first few times it didn't particularly bother me that within minutes - sometimes seconds - of penetration she was lost to the world; but after I found myself continuing to want to make love, to the point of carrying on moving, desperately trying to rouse her, long after she was already asleep, I decided we had to try something else.

We ended up 'grinding the corn', which worked fantastically. Very little overt movement is necessary, and the effort of supporting the duvet without letting cold air in is no effort at all. Orgasm is very slow coming but more or less inevitable for both of us; and, of course, mounting excitement means that sleep doesn't intervene.

Again, I have noticed no fallout; but, again, I could be neutralising any distancing that might occur by making a point of being affectionate. It's not that I have to force myself to do this, though. I can't really distinguish between different modes of affection and say one is more natural than another.

I will be interested to see what happens when we return home, in another month or so.

let the duvet dictate!

I had to laugh at this image of the heavy duvet dictating sexual situations, positions etc. How often does our environment affect us like this? I think it's rather profound too. 

I will comment on your second post but wanted to say that!

 

We go sleeping same way

I and my beloved wife go to sleep connecting sideways face to face position every night and completely agree with you this is very much relaxing and soporific. We talk, embrace and of course kiss a lot (from just pecks to deep sloppy kisses with saliva swapping) that keeps our lovemaking going. During a long session like 3-4 hours, we take time to relax to focus on our feelings, have a little nap and then again get active with our mouths and tongues. We use our minds to keep us awake and focused on our union without having any needed movements down there. And when we think we need to sleep, we shift our concentration to it. It makes us fall sleep so peacefully and have a sound, sublime sleep. We have got so addicted to it that we connect even for a nap during daytime.

Sleep

Unfortunately, we don't do much of what you describe, as sleep comes too quickly, and we wake up only to turn over and go back to sleep again. I agree, it's a lovely way to drift off, but whereas you talk of 3 to 4 hours, in our experience, it's more like 3 to 4 minutes!

My wife has always been a sucker for sleep so I don't hold it against her that she should find it hard to stay attentive to Karezza lovemaking at night in bed. I've mentioned elsewhere how by shifting the time (during the day) and place (away from the bedroom) we opened up a wealth of new possibilities. It's just recently that this option has been closed to us.

Affection

I wanted to clarify something I said in my previous post, even if only for myself. I claimed not to be able to tell the difference between different modes of affection. We're currently at home, taking a short break from our camping trip. We made love last night, in relative warmth and comfort. My wife had an orgasm; I didn't. Nor did I contemplate having one, for a moment.

What was interesting was what happened today. The feeling I had for my wife was immense. I found it difficult to keep my hands off her. Not in a pawing way, or because I wanted more sex (though I wouldn't have said no) but because I felt drawn towards her, almost magnetically. This evening, watching something on screen together, most of my mind was occupied with stroking her legs and hand. I did this without thought; I don't think I could have stopped myself, if I had tried.

While this was going on, I had just enough clarity of mind to compare it to previous occasions when I have been somewhat apprehensive after mutual orgasms that fallout might occur, and had instigated some affectionate behaviour in order to try and prevent this happening. It never occurred to me before that that apprehension might itself be a form of fallout.

The affection I felt today seemed to come from somewhere deep inside me, unbidden. I just did it. The other form of affection starts off as a ploy, and I have to remind myself to do it. It might turn into the first sort, after a while, but it is certainly requires a different mindset at the outset.

I'm not sure one experience like this proves anything other than that I am often blind to what should be screamingly obvious.

I'm surprised

I'm surprised you haven't felt this so often. This is how I usually feel. I am drawn to my wife in a magnetic way, kind of all over her, and want her all the time although she is totally cool with that and doesn't interpret it like I'm asking for sex or that she is turning me down. It's just that I'm always into her HUGELY compared to the old days.

Now, if I come, I find that for maybe a week or more, I don't have those same feelings, nothing like them. I find that my perceptions of her are greatly reduced.

If we lay together without sex then they build back up. Sometimes it takes a number of such cuddles, and there can be sex also, non-orgasmic, and the sexual energy refills quicker this way.

I find that life is VERY likely to draw me towards trying to turn her on, and have more conventional sex, so I use the learnings from this orgasmic fallout to reinforce why I'm doing what I'm doing and it makes me more committed to it.

The rougher, more conventional sex, can quickly desensitize me. I quickly build my sensitivity back up, but I hate to be in that waning period as I feel more disconnected.

AND...the idea of men and ploys to get sex is SO true...it has taken some real time to get where we are but now there is no ploy and no maniuplation on my part, and there is no guilt (it appears) when my wife realizes how much I want her, but knows that I don't mind not having sex. We have a schedule and we stick to it, pretty close, and it keeps any neediness away.

 

That's common

I feel the same magnetic attraction to my wife 24/7. I can't take off my eyes from her and I can't take off my hands from her too when close together. Even when watching TV with our kids, we sit closely together holding and stroking each other gently. If we are alone in our bedroom it always leads to karezza lovemaking, but it is not sex that I want mainly. It's the bonding and closeness that I want. I think the intimacy and union that our mind and soul experience during the bonding session is keeping in love all the time.

My wife and I involves into conventional sex once in a 4 week but it also has turned into a bonding session with the virtue of karezza. It's like a hot version of karezza with lots of movement. Yes, after our mutual orgasms the breezes of love that we used feel around us all the time get weakened, but still it is not enough to make us disconnected. We don't have karezza love-making for 3 days but still we makes out and cuddles during sleep. After that when we return to our usual karezza love-making we feel more connection after 3 days of abstinence.

I don't feel the apprehension of getting pull back to conventional sex because we actually addicted to the bonding nature of karezza. We always into our "relaxing still" version of karezza. The one hot karezza that we do once in a month is purposefully done which is always triggered by the back of our mind that tells us that her period is going to start and she is will not be available for 3 days.

Magnetism

[quote=emerson]I'm surprised you haven't felt this so often. This is how I usually feel. I am drawn to my wife in a magnetic way, kind of all over her, and want her all the time although she is totally cool with that and doesn't interpret it like I'm asking for sex or that she is turning me down. It's just that I'm always into her HUGELY compared to the old days. [/quote]

The truth is, I have felt like this, a lot of the time, but for some reason, I haven't been able to make a connection between feeling this way and not feeling this way, and climaxing or not climaxing. It was just so clear this time I wanted to put it in writing, although it was only one Karezza session after a series of non Karezza ones, which is hardly definitive. Looking back, though, a pattern emerges, of the magnetic attraction building during an exclusively Karezza period, subsiding when I eventually climax, and then starting to build again.

I should mention we are much more Bass oriented than Richardson, and although we don't dance on the edge of orgasm, we're a long way from soft entry We both seem to need it to be this way to stay focused. This may explain why pressure can build the longer we go without orgasm. It can get to the stage where I can't keep my hands off my wife or get her out of my head. and climaxing is the only way to ease matters.

I quite like it this way as I still harbour a belief that occasional ejaculation is good for the system.

What I have found though is that kissing and cuddling my wife when I wouldn't otherwise because I want to recreate the lost desire to kiss and cuddle her spontaneously does bring this about far faster (sometimes almost instantly) than just waiting for it to reoccur naturally. I think that was what was confusing me into thinking there was no difference between the two approaches.

hotter KArezza can sometimes have the same effects as orgasm

or close to it. I've found that dancing at the edge for two long, getting too hot, so it's sex without orgasm more than Karezza, can if repeated for a few days, lead to the same feelings as having had an orgasm.

My style is to dance closer to the waterfall...and use a technique where I focus on my pelvic floor and bring the pleasure up into my body, which creates an orgasmic feeling and can be done again and again for long periods of time. My wife either just has fun with it and doesn't come, or she goes all the way and comes. Curiously it's usually several oragsms now not one, and although it's not as frequently as we have sex, it's much more often than it used to be (that she comes.)

 

 

More than one

It's interesting to hear about your wife's orgasms. My wife has always been a strictly one orgasm person. She's very 'male' in that respect, as once she orgasms, she loses all interest in sex and only want to roll over and go to sleep, However, most if not all of her orgasms are what I would call deliberate rather than accidental. She's going for them rather than allowing them to happen to her. They don't come out of the blue. Maybe, if they did, it would be another story.

It fascinates me how differently everyone approaches Karezza, which is such a simple idea, but so open to interpretation. Something as apparently slight as your change of focus can make a world of difference. I think I'm a bit lax in this way. I'm maybe still going after the pleasure rather than letting the pleasure come to me.

I'm just happy to be experimenting. I don't know what my friends and acquaintances are doing (the only one I ever asked admitted he found going for a walk more exciting than being in bed with his wife) but I find marital sex more absorbing and rewarding - and more fun - than ever.

We do both styles

During some sessions, we've had the "slow sex" version of Karezza, and it was really nice. But my wife and I mostly tend towards hot Karezza, and it's wonderful too. I'm usually able to keep calm enough to avoid the edge. Last time, I came very close, and it really threw me for a few days, so I agree, it's not strictly about skipping the orgasm.

We would do the slow sex version more often if we had the time and energy. Because we are devoted parents to a 9-year old, we both work a lot, and my wife needs lots of sleep, we only manage to have sex 1-2x per week, always after our daughter goes to sleep, which usually only leaves about an hour before my wife gets too tired to continue. That's not enough time for us to completely relax and enjoy it slow. I'm hoping that if my business does well, she can go part-time or quit, in which case, we should have plenty of time to extend our lovemaking.

I wonder

how one gets this information into the mainstream? If within loving relationships we can, when not in denial/rationalization mode, see a definite difference in heartfelt loving feelings, then how much more pronounced is the difference in couples who are doing less conscious bonding and hammering the "hot sex" even more?

How much depression, anxiety, addiction, etc. is due to, or severely exacerbated by, mismanaged sex? And shouldn't people be informed? But how?

FYI, there's an online radio show airing later today about using tantra to help heal addiction:
http://ctrnetwork.com/events/recovering-from-porn-addiction-with-tantra

I think it's best presented as the solution to a problem

We are constantly inundated by misinformation about sex and orgasm's essential role in it, so that's a lot of programming that has to be overcome. I think most people won't be interested until the perceive that a problem they have (which they think of as difficult or impossible to solve) is actually solvable, and that Karezza may actually be the solution. Only then will they be interested in hearing about and maybe trying it.

But even then, it takes a certain kind of person to try something like this. If it were in pill form, then no problem! But to reap the rewards of Karezza requires self-discipline, practice, and most of all, some patience. But then, so does yoga, exercise, and most things in life worth having. So I guess it's really a question of "building value" so people feel motivated to expend the effort.

It's curious

but my wife doesn't feel this way about me. I don't mind. It's just that she doesn't. I don't know why. She loves me a great deal and is wonderful, but she doesn't have that almost obsessed feeling about me that I have with her...

Curious.

I'm really trying

I'm trying not to come.

I'm not sure how I went 7 months without coming. That was almost 3 years ago. I think it's been hotter since then. My wife is more into it. Much more sexual energy.

It seems that sometimes I'm really REALLY into her, and I never practice cool sex, but sometimes it's amazing and a bit hot, and then there is this sudden inevitability. It is just like this. Either choose to completely stop (never) or I'm gonna come. There is no stopping it, not the slightest iota of chance unless we stop sex and play 20 Questions instead.

I've tried at that point going really slow etc. but it ALWAYS happens anyway, there is NO stopping it.

So I like to move close to the edge and play. But I want to continue doing so without orgasms. I'm wondering why I'm coming as often as I am, maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks.

When I do come, the next day is kinda lousy and flat. Sex isn't nearly as good. And it takes a good week to recharge.

More dynamic movement

We are discovering a new level in sex. We start off slow with deep focused breathing, visualizing the sexual energy rising into the heart, purifying electrons so to speak, and then breathing out from the heart to the top of the head. We agreed to keep this going - strangely, we noticed a natural passionate energy which becomes "hotter", more arousal, yet extremely easy to control. No orgasm whatsoever - ever. and the plateau level keeps increasing, like there is no end in site. Strangely enough, we have a kind of divine sexual energy that remains. We joke that the secret is to end with me still hard and her wet!

do you two have the full-body

energetic orgasms?

I much prefer your "happy ending" over the traditional one.

To share here with others, I did watch the video you recommended: "Sex: The Gate to Eden" -- full version on YouTube. It was perfect to support my belief in this style, as I have been faced with a "tantra" teacher here in Seattle, whom I later learned was trained by Charles Muir. Many of these tantra teachers promote the reduction of orgasm, and to me are not educated in all that the members here have learned. I still waver when I am discussing with someone who is also knowledgeable and uses all kinds of fancy reasoning and terminology, so it was synchronistic to have you tell me about that film just before I engaged in a lengthy chat with him. I still cannot dissuade him; but it was for me that watching that film was so very beneficial

I did locate the film mentioned on this site, but had missed it. I recommend everyone watching it.

reflecting

These past months, I probably came 6 or 8 times, maybe once a month. Recently less often perhaps. 

When I last came, it was a physical release, and I wasn't even hard. It was totally inevitable, and not really a pleasure at all. It happens like that occasionally. Not sure why, but it does. There is NO WAY to stop it, even though I know it isn't going to be much fun.

Someone on here contacted me on a PM and pretty much had the same experience not infrequently. 

This is different because it's not like I was just getting so close too often and finally fell over the edge. This was more like not that hard, not that aroused, and must come anyway.

Does this sound familiar?