quiet breakthrough

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Submitted by emerson on
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Ever since we started this journey of Karezza it was mostly all my initiative, my drive, my pushing.

My partner was going along with me but over the months it's been much of an act of faith on my part, and of course the huge pleasure I get, that has kept us going on this path.

Then last Sunday she and I had an orgasm which I mentioned in my previous post. And she made a positive comment about this approach. Since then, it's been MUCH better. She has lubricated a lot better and is more into the whole process. 

So I would say this has been a quiet breakthrough. Like a lot of things worthwhile, this one takes time, patience and dedication even in the face of some discouragement. But it's been so so worth it and our love keeps feeling like it's deeper and our connection is amazing.

And I don't feel this is just all coming from me anymore. Whew!

So if you're in the same boat as I was, in some ways, take heart.

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yes it really is melting

and thankfully this is our particular path. I'm so blessed to have such an amazing partner in life. I think she is starting to explore the space, as Darryl puts it, that she now has in our sexual life, and find her own way. What's exciting is that this is really just beginning and I'm thrilled to be there LOL.

That's fantastic emerson. I

That's fantastic emerson. I do indeed take heart because I am in the same boat. I am so happy to think there might be a similar "whew" in my future. Don't get me wrong--it's going great, and I have always known that "time patience and dedication" were some of the key players. Thank you for your post. It really helps.

glad it is helpful

I read your first posts and am so enthusiastic about your being here. What are your challenges, do you think?

My challenge has been that I've been turned on to sex and my wife has not been. She's in her upper 50s and never been as interested in sex as I have.

So that has changed a lot and it's SO much better now. It's been better all along really, but for much of the time I was kind of going on faith. Faith that she was enjoying the benefits of Karezza even though she wasn't enthusiastic or feeling it the way I was, evidently.

Well now that's changed. It's a huge change too. Our sessions are much longer and she isn't impatient to get on with the day. I dwell inside her and she's more of an active participant than before. She is lubricating much better than before. I get the idea she really likes this now, when I wasn't sure before. 

We must had intercourse with Karezza 120 times and I just persisted because this is so incredible to me, such amazing feelings. But she insisted all along that she didn't feel much. I persisted anyway and in the last few months I could feel her body really responding even as her conscious mind apparently still wasn't feeling it.

And then the breakthrough a few weeks ago. Now it's just SO SO SO much better as I can't emphasize enough. Yes, time patience and dedication. Fortunately, there is NOTHING that has been better for me in my life than this, ever, so that has been easy most of the time due to the huge rewards that I've already received. And now it just got SO much better (I know I mentioned that LOL).

 

 

The 'challenges' are hard to

The 'challenges' are hard to articulate, but I think the basic issue is that I am enthusiastic to the point of feeling literally energized at the prospects and the comfort and the joy and the serentiy that I think are coming our way, but she, while clearly on board, is taking it more slowly, for want of a better description. I think she (to quote you) sees this 'heading in an interesting direction' too, and she definitely senses that this is all about her in a way, which surely intrigues her. But (to loosely quote you again) I agree that explanations may be fleeting in this context. It's good and I know it will get better. It's just that I feel like I'm sitting on top of the world and she hasn't quite climbed up here yet! And when she does--man are we going at it! Gently, of course.

one thing that probably slowed us down

I was probably too enthusiastic for awhile there and didn't match her level of enthusiasm, to say the least. I think that caused her to pull back a bit and just let me be the more aggressive partner, the partner doing all the work. In the glare of my enthusiasm, she wasn't comfortable bringing her own light to the fire, so to speak.

I was too overbearing and she didn't feel the room to grow and cause things to move on her own. My over enthusiasm may have caused her to be too passive.

I think part of this was a phase we had to go through, or I had to go through. Anyway, I felt as you seem to for many months and patiently hung in there, sometimes not so patiently. But all along I found it immensely rewarding and I think it was for her too even if she didn't consciously feel that it was. So it was good for both of us.

 

Feminine wounds

I think that many women become wounded over the course of their lives from being loved in the wrong way. In their youth they opened themselves fully to receive true love and they got something much less instead. After years of receiving weak love, or uncommitted love, or love with lots of conditions attached, or even unlove from their partners they start to close down. They don't trust love any more.

Then a man starts to offer them true love, for real, but they still don't trust it. What if they open to this and it ends up being as painful or unfullfilling as all the other times? Thus, instead of openeing themselves up all the way, they decide to watch and see if this is going to last or not. They want to see the proof that this love really is true, and that it is not going to revert back before they decide to trust in it.

Honestly, I cannot blame them for being wary. There is a lot of selfishness mascarading as love out there. How can they know if this is true love or not?

As a man, you just have to be patient and consistent in your love. The proof will be in your commitment over time. She will gradually open up and start yo accept what you are offering. Eventually her resistance will melt away altogether. But, she has to have time to open up in her own way, on her own terms.

Wise words

Thank you for such compassionate words. Even today, young girls are primed and conditioned to see love as important to their lives, and when they get involved in relationships, they often end up in these horrible, trivial, demeaning circumstances where both they and the boys are encouraged to be promiscuous, selfish and heartless towards each other. I can see how that can create a longing for something greater and a disgust for what is out there. My exh-husband tried to be patient, but he gave up. And of course, we hadn't heard of karezza ten years ago. :(

Healing

Your wife is a very lucky lady to be with someone that has such profound understanding of the female psyche.

In the end, I believe love does prevail and providing someone with the time and space to realize that is an amazing gift. There are many healing attributes that bonding and karezza offer to relationships. By exercising patience, restraint and self-awareness one is able to offer his or her partner so much more of him/herself and as a result there is a deeper connection. Especially when the other partner is able to do the same in his/her own way.

Wow, three cheers for your progress!!!!

I am so glad for you Em. Your post has given me hope as I am in the same boat. Things are starting to turn a bit but I look forward to when my wife can relax and enjoy. I know, it takes time patience and dedication, and I am being as patient as I can. It's all good though, just wonder when and if she will get on board? It is good to know there is hope, thanks.

Emerson

I'm curious, Emerson, why do you think your wife been willing to engage in lovemaking with you when all along, until recently, she has said she hasn't really been into it? I understand why you have persisted but why has she gone along with you?

Darryl, I'm curious too

I never quite understood it. I don't trust explanations much either. She said she enjoyed the closeness and in the last few months I could *tell* easily that her *body* enjoyed it -- without a lot of arousal but in an energy sense it was obvious.

Also...she could see my increased devotion to her, always good but since we started this, off the charts. And, she may have sensed this was going in an interesting direction. All of it after my initial neediness was really good, so she continued. I dunno, that's as best I can figure out right now.

So I say to guys reading this, in the same situation, just keep at it. It took me 9 or 10 months to get here and of course it still evolves every day.

Wise woman

I suspect your wife is following a intuitive sense, feminine wisdom without really thinking about it. I'll bet if she thought about it she'd be less inclined to engage with you.

See, my experience is that the practice of karezza is both the way TO the experience AND the experience itself. If you're not feeling it, just do it some more. Whatever is blocking the way will be slowly softened by continuing to practice. I know for many folks engaging sexually without being "in the mood" is difficult but karezza soothes the blocks and paves the way to more opening. Just do it. A month, six months, a year, whatever it takes. You and your wife are a case in point, in my opinion.

Congratulations on the opening you are experiencing with your wife.

Recently we decided to engage three times a day. Yep, you read it right, three times a day. We wanted to see what would happen and made a commitment for one week. I'll tell you, it wasnt easy. At one point I joked that it was akin to saying, "hey, you wanna go floss again?". Good thing our business is beside our house. Sometimes one of us would say to the other, "again!?"and the other would say, "come on, we made a commitment for one week". The next day we'd switch who was dragging their feet. Of course when we actually got naked it was always sweet. Sometimes when it came to the time we set aside we'd look at each other and start laughing. Its hard to describe exactly what transpired but by the end of the week we had opened up to a new level that we've never experienced before. And it has stuck. We're actually thinking about doing another week stint of three times a day, see what that brings.

Eager Beavers

I think there is a critical point that must be reached in any karezza relationship before it can really kick into high gear. That is the point where both partners accept that karezza is something that is of tremendous benefit to them personally.

It is probably rare for a couple to enter into karezza because they are BOTH excited about it. More likely one of them is excited and eager, and the other is just doing it because they were asked to. 99% of the people of this forum would be the eager beaver in their own relationship. We all need to be patient with our partners and give them some space to come to a full acceptance of karezza on their own.

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

It is a process that we really have to be patient about. To not give up at times of temptations and anxieties.
To focus on our loving emotions towards our partners, and not the hunger that is between our legs.
Stay on track my friend, you can do it and again Congratulations

Thank you for the inspiration and your story

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