is this a rebooting thing, anxiety or just something that will pass

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Today we spent a long time cuddling. I had written off sex for this morning.

Then I went on top and did soft entry. At some point we were kissing and the kisses changed quality, much more sensual and involved, more mutual. This is very unusual.

I kept my penis soft at her entrance and she was dry, then at some point she was wet and we made love for a bit. After awhile I pulled out. She said she felt it a lot more then ever before, and described the garden of love area and that somehow I had gone deeper and she had really felt it this time.

I've been focusing on my own sensations these days and not worrying about her arousal. I felt it a lot too.

She cuddled with me and then after a minute she climbed on top of me. I wasn't hard. But I inserted soft and she was obviously very aroused and had a rather lengthy orgasm a minute or so later.

Not sure what this means. I don't seem to be really hard when she's on top. I wasn't really hard but I did soft entry with her on top and she had a long orgasm that way in any event. Maybe it's just a bit of leftover anxiety from the past with me, or maybe it's a rebooting thing.

In the old days of hot sex I had no problem with her on top but I did have anxiety about other positions.

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reading Richardson's Tantric Orgasm for Women today

And I realized a few things as I processed this later on.

1. It's remarkable how she was able to have a major orgasm with me inside her but soft.

2. I think we were able to engage a bit more in breast play and at some point a switch went off and she was really aroused. And she felt my penis and the feelings around her cervix very obviously, for the first time ever, I think.

3. It is fine if she wants to orgasm. I'm going to totally let go of any ideas (I already have) that she shouldn't. It's her business. I'm remaining happily non-orgasmic.

4. I think I missed some of the finer more sublime ecstatic points when she was on top of me. I think she was there for an orgasm and Richardson mentions in the book, this raw hunger is almost masculine and driving, and it sometimes keeps a man from having/maintaining an erection. Well, it didn't matter to her. She had an orgasm with my penis soft and inside of her. Wow.

yep

now I'm super aware of it. And "wonky" feelings of my own that result, which to me is really the mystery given that I didn't have an orgasm.

How soft is soft?

All women are different but considering how few apparently have orgasms during intercourse even with (presumably) full erections and loads of stimulation, I think it is remarkable that your wife had one as you describe. I don't remember when my wife last had an orgasm without considerable effort of one sort or another. It's particularly remarkable because you said your penis was soft at the time.

We haven't tried intercourse without me having an erection at all, so I've no idea how it might work; but I find it hard to believe it would even be possible with my wife on top of me. Wouldn't gravity be against it? My only real experience of being inside her while soft has been when we fall asleep after lovemaking. I'm usually aware at some point of my penis slipping out, even when we're stil closely entwined. 

Also, how could your wife be feeling you near her cervix with a soft penis? Isn't it a lot shorter when softer? Or is it a question of your penis having an 'energy' extension, so she felt it even though it might not have reached that far physically?

As you said - Wow!

Soft entry

Sood, when a woman allows herself to feel the energy from the penis (rather than stimulation), it doesn't matter whether it is soft or hard and honestly, my lover's soft penis inside my vagina feels very, very nice. Incredibly nice. As nice as an erect penis, but in a different way. There are times when I have no idea whether it's soft, hard or somewhere in between because it doesn't matter. Sensation vs. stimulation at its best.

But yes, to have the head of the penis be in contact with the garden of love *does* require an erect penis and those feelings are delightful, as well.

It's win/win no matter which way I look at it, lol~~

As far as Emerson's wife, I think it sounds like she's actually starting to enjoy sex for *herself* so he is smart to let her do what she wants while continuing on his own path. Eventually, she can learn to not let herself go as far as orgasm while still enjoying all the delightful sensations and she won't feel she's missing out on *anything*~~it's the penis in the vagina, not the orgasm, that gives us so much pleasure.

thanks Rachel

[quote]

Sood, when a woman allows herself to feel the energy from the penis (rather than stimulation), it doesn't matter whether it is soft or hard and honestly, my lover's soft penis inside my vagina feels very, very nice. Incredibly nice. As nice as an erect penis, but in a different way. There are times when I have no idea whether it's soft, hard or somewhere in between because it doesn't matter. Sensation vs. stimulation at its best.[/quote]

your post was a gift to me, I never knew that.

Absolutely

[quote=Rachel]As far as Emerson's wife, I think it sounds like she's actually starting to enjoy sex for *herself* so he is smart to let her do what she wants while continuing on his own path. Eventually, she can learn to not let herself go as far as orgasm while still enjoying all the delightful sensations and she won't feel she's missing out on *anything*~~it's the penis in the vagina, not the orgasm, that gives us so much pleasure.[/quote]

My wife would probably concur with that. It's me (not the lizard, this time, so much as the 'considerate' lover) that feels she's being short changed when she doesn't have an orgasm.

I should clarify

After I first entered (soft) my penis grew hard and we made love for awhile while I was on top. That was when she reported feeling sensation around her cervix (to her great surprise.)

And I withdrew and grew soft and then she went on top of me and finished off. I entered her soft again with her on top but this time I did not get hard again and she came. And actually, as best I can say, she wasn't using clitoral stimulation as she normally does in that position, although I guess there is some anyway.

yeah, soft entry is possible with either position but more difficult with woman on top unless she is already quite lubricated.

In response to "All women are

In response to "All women are different but considering how few apparently have orgasms during intercourse even with (presumably) full erections and loads of stimulation, I think it is remarkable that your wife had one as you describe."

I've experienced multiple orgasms alone through fantasy without any touch, so it's not surprising to me that she would have an orgasm under these circumstances.