she's in charge now

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Submitted by emerson on
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Our own special version of male neediness and feminine lockdown is taking on a new progressive twist. She is going to be in charge for awhile. We'll do the Exchanges during the week and she'll initiate intercourse on the weekends. 

We have to do something. Although we have had a lot of sex this past year or more, there has been something missing. The idea originally for Karezza came from me and she still feels that I am too domineering so we're switching things and this way she can explore this space for herself without my neediness getting in the way.

She is frustrated because she feels no arousal. She says the scheduled sex may be responsible.

I am not happy because she isn't into this at all. She cooperates, her body is willing, but I'd like to see what develops without this for a bit. Part of me always wonders and doubts whether I am sexually wanted. In fact, I know I am not. That is not a good feeling. So it's worth giving up our scheduled intercourse for awhile to see how things can get even better.

I recently went almost two weeks without physical contact with her at all, when I was on a trip, and I can see that this isn't really difficult. Especially as we will continue snuggling and now doing the Exchanges for fun every night in the meantime.

I'm really happy about this. It's all progess. As I tell guys, there is no such thing as two steps forward and one step back here. It's all forward, even though it may not seem that way sometimes. This is how progress really looks.

I'm pretty jazzed about not having sex at the moment. I think it's terrific. I want to see where she takes us when she has her space. 

My partner is such a terrific woman.



quick update

we've had a breakthrough. It is really this. I practice Karezza for a bit, she becomes aroused and then has an orgasm. I'm happy she's happy. I give her what she wants. No more control issues. She has been unselfconsciously having orgasms for the first time in quite awhile. Real intense ones too. 

I am not coming and I am enjoying the sensations and pleasures before she has her orgasm, and of course I am enjoying her orgasm. I think it's super good for now, for both of us.

The other day she claimed she never had a sexual thought or a shred of desire. But that is situational obviously.

I think Sood has said this best, but the fact is, talk and analysis are really a huge distraction and meaningless in this realm, it seems. 

We continued to snuggle and cuddle and spend a lot of time together bonding and that has let us move through this difficult period, and we have continued having sex during it. But it's gotten really nice recently and it's because she has broken through her feeling that I'm controlling or cajoling her.


Glad you've found

a workable compromise for now. Who knows what she'll decide in the future? Women are so brainwashed about the essentialness of orgasms that they aren't always observing effects clearly.

In any case, please don't add to this thread. Start a new one. It's too long now that it's on two pages. Smile