some fresh insights and an update

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Submitted by emerson on
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I wanted to give you a quick update and a few recent insights.

My wife "Sparkles" and I are engaging in Karezza type intercourse maybe 4 times a week. Sometimes 5, sometimes 3. Each lasts maybe 15 minutes to an hour, depending on her. I'm available for however long she is. 

It's no longer a struggle in any sense. She is really in charge but in a subtle way. She senses when I really want her, or we have a scheduled time, and she asks me if I want to lie down which is our code for intercourse.

She has orgasms maybe 50% of the time, more or less. I think she is learning to relax more and not come but that's her business. I try to help her get the pleasure she wants, but I don' t dwell on it overly much.

One thing I've realized more and more is that women love their men to give them a good fucking and enjoy their (the woman's) body, and that gives her great satisfaction. And because I have that attitude, in reality I am more available for her because I'm not focused on *her* or expecting her to do or be anything. I'm focused on myself.

Women in general, acting on the feminine, want to please their men, and are pleased when their men are pleased. This probably sounds completely bonkers. But actually it isn't.

We have a lot of pleasure these days. I have really discovered how to have what used to be orgasmic type pleasure, but all the time, any time, during intercourse and often just when she lightly strokes my body even non-genitally. It can be like a 30 minute orgasm but without ejaculation, without fallout, just all good. 

I've done this for awhile now and it's gotten better and better and better. 

The pleasure is greater than it used to be when I was experiencing an orgasm, but it goes on and on now. And erections go for as long as I want or need and since I don't ejaculate or have a "real" orgasm I'm ready all the time and I have those amazing strong feelings for her virtually all the time.

This is a paradox: that by being more self focused you actually open up the pleasure and self-realization possibilities for your partner and have more pleasure for yourself. 

My wife's sex drive has never been high. But I have read that many women, maybe 30% or more, are not mind-aware of their body's arousal. Masters & Johnson discovered this in experiments.

Men always are or can be aware of their arousal levels in a gross sense, but many women aren't. If the woman is experiencing what I'll call "mind sexy thoughts, fantasies or feelings" she will connect with her body's arousal. But if she doesn't or isn't having those thoughts, her body can be aroused but she isn't feeling that it is.

That's how my wife is much of the time. But once we get into the sexual connection, sometimes she will begin those mind sex thoughts and feelings and connect with arousal, or sometimes she is preoccupied to do so, and doesn't. But either way, her *body* is aroused. And she seems to greatly enjoy the connection with me, and enjoy my enjoyment, and that's fine. That's as it should be.





I really enjoyed reading this, im going uhuh, yep, uhuh, all the way through. If this is mid life bring it on baby.

I was especially interested in your comments about her being aroused in body but not in mind. I figure thats about right, and for my partner too. Its very much as you say she needs some mental trigger to her engagement with her own arousal. The last couple of times, she has altered our routine slightly, and its making a difference. Instead of her putting the oil on her first, then me, shes trying it the other way around. As its cold in our new place, she uses a torch under the duvet so she can see what she's doing, not get the oil everwhere. Its really funny, like kids under the blanket. Anyway this little visual stimuli seems to do the trick and by the time she puts the oil on herself shes ready for it. Then when i enter she actually wants me. Its quite radical the difference her mind makes.

I figure its a crutch, and she will soon tune into her body better. Another thing ive started doing is putting my hands on her more, more back and shoulder rubs, kisses through the day, random running my fingers through her hair, massing her scalp. Anything to get her out of her mind more. The last is especially good, it feels like zoning in exactly on her little worry wort center itself. She just loves it.

The other thing ive started doing is giving her nipples a firmish squeeze between thumb and finger when shes oiling me up, or when at other times when shes connecting with her concept of arousal. Maybe this will start to awaken some connection by association or something i dont know. Im just trying anything and everything that intuitively feels helpful. But i think she will get there all by herself.

>The pleasure is greater than

>The pleasure is greater than it used to be when I was experiencing an orgasm,
>but it goes on and on now. And erections go for as long as I want or need and
>since I don't ejaculate or have a "real" orgasm I'm ready all the time and I have
>those amazing strong feelings for her virtually all the time.

With those words you describe it exactly and well. I personally dont subscribe to the concept of becoming orgasmic without having an orgasm. Orgasm is orgasm, right?


I assume you mean, this isn't a real orgasm. It's not. But the pleasure is the same or greater for me than an orgasm used to be for me. But it's definitely not an orgasm, and I'm glad of that!

There was a guy on here, Virgil, who isn't here anymore I guess. He wrote posts about, if I remember, "Tantric waves of bliss" or something like that. I think this is how it is for me, and evidently you and maybe any man or woman who really gets into Karezza.

The pleasure grew exponentially. And I use a technique that when I focus on my root I can easily draw the pleasure up into my whole body. Are you doing that?

And I'm hoping the Karrezza ladies will chime in here about their pleasure experiences...ladies?


yeah, of course. It's been awhile since I read the book, but I don't recall your writing that this type of pleasure level is normal or attainable. 

I didn't reach this level of pleasure either for a number of months. 

1. I was too focused on my wife's arousal and what she was experiencing.

2. I hadn't figured out how to move the pleasure from my root to my whole body.

3. I guess my sensitivity / brain hadn't formed this ability as it has today.

I think we could "sell" Karezza better if we could figure out how to communicate this. But I also think that if you expect it too early, or expect it at all, and are going for this type of sexual experience, you probably aren't going to get it. It must be something you do for its own sake that evolves without excessive attachment to a particular type of pleasure experience, or at least that's a theory Dirol

You're right...on all points

I'm wary of telling people things that might be perceived as, "This is what I should be feeling." Everyone is going to have a different experience, and, as you say, people will need time and brain changes to maximize their pleasure.

If I revise the book, I'll try to do a better job. I prefer to include a lot of first-hand accounts, so readers gets a sense of a range of experiences...all equally valid.

So happy for you

Emerson, it's so good to hear that things are going so well for both of you and you sound very free of any "angst" and that is good!

I'm writing this in a post-karezza hypnotic daze (my lover left about an hour ago) so hopefully, this will make sense, lol.

I find I no longer need "sexy thoughts" or urges in order to want to connect with my beloved. As long as my mind and body are open, present and relaxed, I am ready to receive him~~and once he is inside me things immediately become electric and blissful.

And yes, I love being able to surrender my body and mind and just let him *fuck* me (to put it delicately!) and that feeling of letting go is sublime. It feels like there is no end to how much energy he can send through me when I am able to relax in that way. At times I feel like I'm free falling and there is no ground to meet.

But back to your thoughts about women needing to be aroused~~for example, this morning, we had both just barely woken up and knew we only had an hour before he needed to leave. So we just rolled into the scissors position, used some lube, and connected while still kind of sleepy. But you wake up very quickly once the two magnetic poles meet, that is for damn sure, lol. We went from half-awake to full-on bliss within a matter of minutes. I love the scissors position because I can cross my arms and caress my nipples and for me, that is heaven.

I think we're at the point where sex is less about being sexual and more about feeling each other's beautiful, healing inner essence (I know that makes no sense, but words are failing me). It's a wonderful way to be because your mind is no longer obsessed with the act, but your body craves the connection when you are together.

Yesterday he was out working on a trail in the woods and I was sanding my front porch and I thought to myself how it doesn't really matter what you do with yourselves throughout the day, the most important thing in life is to have someone to connect with at the end of every day. If you have that you have everything.

Rachel wrote:

[quote=Rachel]Yesterday he was out working on a trail in the woods and I was sanding my front porch and I thought to myself how it doesn't really matter what you do with yourselves throughout the day, the most important thing in life is to have someone to connect with at the end of every day. If you have that you have everything.[/quote]


that's exactly how I feel. Exactly it. Thanks Rachel.


>it doesn't really matter what you do with yourselves throughout the day, the most
>important thing in life is to have someone to connect with at the end of every day.
>If you have that you have everything.

Yeah, im nodding too. Beyond the sexual pleasure for me its about the connection, totally. When she is completely there and tuned in, its like a glorious dance, im deep inside her, our eyes meet completely, we respond to each others (small) movements, ands it like how little movement can create the biggest connectedness and resonance.

Theres no way i would trade the feeling when we are both tuned in. Wouldn't trade that for anything. If my beloved isnt really tuned in on a given session, my erection inevitably subsides, and that is the end of the dance. In that moment i dont lament the loss of pleasure but the loss of connection and presence.

But theres a strange counterpart simmering for me as well. What about the rest of my life, a little voice is saying. Is my connection to my community humming at the same level, the joy of my work, of walking to letterbox, and smelling the fresh mountain air? At the moment it really seems like karezza is challenging me to be more, more alive, more engaged. More happy. Can i do that in a world that i feel mostly so bleak about?

For me, too, this was a wonderful, awesome, inspiring thread :-)

It's been years since I had a partner, other than several very short dating experiences. I discovered quickly that most men are not ready for this type of experience. I had a lover for awhile who had some interest, but since he traveled in his work we did not have the regular "connecting" that couples have who live together. This is something I would love to have, too! When we were together, we "connected" morning upon awakening, and nightly before sleep. With some study of tantra and tantra teachers, I was able to expand my physical experience to "sacred sexuality" and have some *mystical* experiences. Discovered the book, "When Lovemaking Opens the Veil" which explained to me what had occurred, and that many more people are reporting such experiences now.

One little trick my former lover used to use was something like (as I recall hazily) beginning intercourse with using the top of his "lingam" (penis) to circle around the entry to my "yoni" (vaginal entry) several times and then make a slow, shallow entry; then he' circle the head of the lingam around several times again, but one less time, and then another gentle, deep entry. I think he started with 9 circles around the entry to the yoni, subtracting one with each round. The effect was hypnotic for me, extremely sensual, and effective.

I feel ready now to find a new partner with whom to practice -- and then make sure I've given an accurate description here. Smile

Actually a new Tantra meetup group was just formed here, and I've joined it. Will let you know what happens. I hope the group is serious. I will share about Karezza and this site at the first meeting, July 11th.


good luck with that Shannon

a good man can probably pick up Karezza with your help just as an example to him.

I think as a guy, had I met a woman who set this example for me, I'd have been thrilled to try it. As it was, I introducd this to my woman and I think that way is a much more difficult road to take. 


Thanks for the good wishes <3

Emerson, in my experience with two men - the former partner who told me the first time we met that he was learning Tantra, and the other man whom I dated for about three months -- they both felt "pressured" to give up the orgasms by me. I think you are right - it only works by setting the example.

It would be so cool were the next partner to have the same intention, and, experience. Only can dream . . .

As for that technique described about, the male's entries start shallow, and the each progressive entry is deeper. It's quite heavenly!