I wanted to give you a quick update and a few recent insights.
My wife "Sparkles" and I are engaging in Karezza type intercourse maybe 4 times a week. Sometimes 5, sometimes 3. Each lasts maybe 15 minutes to an hour, depending on her. I'm available for however long she is.
It's no longer a struggle in any sense. She is really in charge but in a subtle way. She senses when I really want her, or we have a scheduled time, and she asks me if I want to lie down which is our code for intercourse.
She has orgasms maybe 50% of the time, more or less. I think she is learning to relax more and not come but that's her business. I try to help her get the pleasure she wants, but I don' t dwell on it overly much.
One thing I've realized more and more is that women love their men to give them a good fucking and enjoy their (the woman's) body, and that gives her great satisfaction. And because I have that attitude, in reality I am more available for her because I'm not focused on *her* or expecting her to do or be anything. I'm focused on myself.
Women in general, acting on the feminine, want to please their men, and are pleased when their men are pleased. This probably sounds completely bonkers. But actually it isn't.
We have a lot of pleasure these days. I have really discovered how to have what used to be orgasmic type pleasure, but all the time, any time, during intercourse and often just when she lightly strokes my body even non-genitally. It can be like a 30 minute orgasm but without ejaculation, without fallout, just all good.
I've done this for awhile now and it's gotten better and better and better.
The pleasure is greater than it used to be when I was experiencing an orgasm, but it goes on and on now. And erections go for as long as I want or need and since I don't ejaculate or have a "real" orgasm I'm ready all the time and I have those amazing strong feelings for her virtually all the time.
This is a paradox: that by being more self focused you actually open up the pleasure and self-realization possibilities for your partner and have more pleasure for yourself.
My wife's sex drive has never been high. But I have read that many women, maybe 30% or more, are not mind-aware of their body's arousal. Masters & Johnson discovered this in experiments.
Men always are or can be aware of their arousal levels in a gross sense, but many women aren't. If the woman is experiencing what I'll call "mind sexy thoughts, fantasies or feelings" she will connect with her body's arousal. But if she doesn't or isn't having those thoughts, her body can be aroused but she isn't feeling that it is.
That's how my wife is much of the time. But once we get into the sexual connection, sometimes she will begin those mind sex thoughts and feelings and connect with arousal, or sometimes she is preoccupied to do so, and doesn't. But either way, her *body* is aroused. And she seems to greatly enjoy the connection with me, and enjoy my enjoyment, and that's fine. That's as it should be.