Things that affect us like an orgasm (but aren't an orgasm)

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Submitted by emerson on
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I have begun to realize more nuances of things that affect me similar to having an orgasm.

For instance, fantasy. I can feel a surge of dopamine and it feels like sexual fuel being added to the fire. But it's not "good" fuel. It's "ejaculation" fuel. And after awhile I find that such fuel makes my wife feel less attractive and makes sex more difficult.

I avoid fantasy pretty well but sometimes unavoidably it rears its ugly head.

Same thing with seeing a parade of scantily clad pretty young girls. Same thing. I can defocus my eyes or not really look, but if I really look and absorb, I find it affects my sex with my wife.

What do you find?



Bonding, Bonding and more Bonding !!!

I think that certainly rings true for me. As a man that is still recovering from PMO addiction, I can attest to the the fact that, through our social conditioning, we have wired our brains to seek out fantasy, wherever, whenever and, however possible. I believe that growing up in the 1970's and having the television as a babysitter was a real set-up for this. It was a time of "open season" for the objectification of women and that was, unfortunately, a strong influence on my malleable, adolescent brain.

The only thing that really helps that I've found, is to continually re-wire the brain. The best and quickest way for me, that seems to bring the most dramatic results, is to do bonding exchanges with my wife everyday and be consistent about it. When we miss some regular bonding, it is automatically a set-up for my brain to want to seek the "shelter" of fantasy.

In my case, I had some childhood traumas and using fantasy created the pathway for me to experience "safety" from these traumas. I am learning now (in my late 40's) to break the "bond" I have had with the fantasy by doing real bonding with my wife. My wife reminded me that, with the bonding we do together (that could be either making love or doing exchanges), I'm much more able to get in touch with how I feel. I'm present and in my body during, and after, and how I feel afterword keeps me in a state where fantasy is much less likely to be something that's trying to get my attention or, "pull me in."

If I choose fantasy, having the body awareness also helps for how I feel afterword, which in this case leaves me feeling empty, foggy, depressed, and/or anxious. After bonding with my wife on the other hand, I feel ecstatic, calm, level-headed, optimistic, I feel loved and like my battery has been charged up 100%.

what i find

Is that attractive women are real and the sexual energy they stimulate is real. After acknowledging this you can spin it into fantasy or circulate and transform it into life and spiritual energy.

And I find

that sex with my husband also refuels and centers me. He remarks on it too. It's a subtle elixir, but has definite beneficial effects.