emerson's blog

Karezza and ED issues, rebooting

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Submitted by emerson on

I guess I will have to say that I am in a reboot mode and going through a bit of a flatline.

Recap: In my low 50s, married almost 25 years, and never did the video porn thing but since maybe 15 did the M to pornographic stories. Videos and pictures couldn't match the stories and the pictures they created in my head.

So I suppose I was living in a very strong fantasy world.

I stopped all masturbation and porn maybe 5 weeks ago. And I have been practicing Karezza, definitely a work in progress.

♥ How do you go from cuddling to sexual arousal without the usual sexual tension escalation?

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I wrote in I Get Turned On Just Cuddling that I get aroused with cuddling quite often. And I sometimes drip a bit of clear liquid from my penis, I suppose it's precum.

I also find that I am very sensitive to touch and when Sparkles really touches me in a soft way, and I'm talking non erotically, like on the chest or my back, several times I have experienced what feels like an orgasm almost, more of a low key rolling orgasm that is not accompanied by an erection or ejaculation. It's pretty cool actually.

BUT...

♥ Okay, a little frustrated

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I arrived home from a business trip and tonight we cuddled.

After awhile, Sparkles asked if I wanted to penetrate. I said, did she want me to. She said, "you don't understand, I don't have the drive you have."

I said, I didn't want to do that if she didn't want to, and why was she asking if I wanted to.

"Because you want to"

"No, I don't want intercourse with you unless you want it," I said. "I want to be welcomed in."

"You don't understand. I don't have the powerful drive you do."

I never knew this stuff until I spent time on reuniting.info

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Submitted by emerson on

I've learned so much in the past few weeks about sex that I can hardly believe it. Thanks to this site and yourbrainonporn.com and some books like Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, the Richardson's, Dr. Bass's and Mantak Chia's.

1. I never knew women's sex drive is as great as men's. Or greater in many cases. Not always, not necessarily, but quite often.

2. I never knew that I had experienced a lot of sexual difficulties due to porn consumption and what I will call excessive masturbation.

3. I never knew so many guys had the same or worse problems with porn.

success in this new life, thoughts about shame ***WARNING: POTENTIAL TRIGGERS***

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Submitted by emerson on

I want to share a few thoughts that will hopefully inspire you as a lot of posts are of the "help I've relapsed" variety which is totally cool and one of the great things about this site. But it also gives the impression that most/everyone relapsed and that may make it more difficult for you NOT to relapse.

So here is some balance to that, some success to inspire you (success so far anyway.)

No PMO for about a month, maybe 5 weeks. I haven't counted and I don't worry about it.

Avoid periods of inactivity when you would have PMOed

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Submitted by emerson on

I am out of town in a hotel on the road.

In the old days, like several months ago, this would have been a big PMO thing for me because of all the time I have without my wife and without other things going on.

Idleness is the devil's playground.

I thought about this a lot. I had to go on my trip and it'll be a great trip but it also is a great PMO temptation.

In my case, I simply won't succomb to that. I'll be reading, exercising, eating breakfast, ironing my shirt, and eventually it'll be time to go to my meeting.

But it's a challenge when you have nothing much to do.

♥ Karezza, wow wow wow, sudden deep contact

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Submitted by emerson on

Okay, we've been snuggling and cuddling each day and each night, I would say 30 minutes to an hour. I have been leaving things to her and not being needy or pressuring in any way I am aware of.

So this morning Sparkles and I were snuggling and I felt a very close connection. And after about 30 minutes or so, I said, can I plug in, and she said yes. I just whispered to her a suggestion to give presence to her vagina and it was an amazing experience for me.

Did you bring porn star expectations into your bed? ***Warning: Potential triggers***

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Submitted by emerson on

I think one of the most lethal things that porn does to us is to create expectations in our "real" love life that can never be met.

The way pornstars love cum, for instance. Not all women love cum, in fact I'm not sure that most do. I don't have enough experience to know, but I doubt it. And the way pornstars do anal. I could go on and on.

And here's how this corrupted our sex life.

I suggested various activities with my lovely wife Sparkles that came (no pun intended) straight out of the porn stories I had been O'ing to. But it was always disappointing.

Anyone else has had issues with printed story erotica porn?

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Submitted by emerson on

I didn't come here for recovery purposes, although maybe I did. My issue was that I masturbated to printed erotica. Videos never did it for me for some reason, mostly because I wasn't that interested in the scenes they depicted, although a few spoke to my core fantasy which is more domination and spanking oriented.

I have given up masturbation completely and all forms of porn completely and it hasn't been difficult primarily I think because I have a loving life partner and have replaced the porn outlet with Karezza and cuddling activities.

breasts sensitivity, ticklishness before arousal

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Submitted by emerson on

The Tantric Sex books by Diana Richardson say that breasts are the gateway to stimulation for women as opposed to clitoral stimulation. What if a woman's breasts are very sensitive or ticklish? Is there any way to desensitize or does this ever change? It seems to be not a problem once a woman is sufficiently aroused, but my question is about breast sensitivity/ticklishness before that happens...

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