I wanted to give you a quick update and a few recent insights.
My wife "Sparkles" and I are engaging in Karezza type intercourse maybe 4 times a week. Sometimes 5, sometimes 3. Each lasts maybe 15 minutes to an hour, depending on her. I'm available for however long she is.
It's no longer a struggle in any sense. She is really in charge but in a subtle way. She senses when I really want her, or we have a scheduled time, and she asks me if I want to lie down which is our code for intercourse.
I started this thread to comment and discuss times when one partner is into orgasmic sex and the other is into Karezza.
So we're doing things differently. She's having her orgasms and I'm practicing Karezza. I say that because my experience is mostly Karezza. I don't come and I focus on my root and enjoy the sensations and the connection. She does for awhile and then gets more into the orgasm part. But that's great from my point of view because she feels freed from being controlled or influenced by me. I am able to reverse a mistake I think I made a year ago.
I can sense that I'm killing desire.
And I'm coming to a conclusion about the whole thing.
I'm trying to get her turned on, worrying about my erections, all this nonsense that I thought I got over a long time ago. I'm stressing out about it. So what I need to work on is not working on this.
I feel clearly that I've been very dopamine driven over the past few weeks. It's from months and months of wanting to be desired, pressing myself on her, and her pushing back quietly in her feminine way.
Our own special version of male neediness and feminine lockdown is taking on a new progressive twist. She is going to be in charge for awhile. We'll do the Exchanges during the week and she'll initiate intercourse on the weekends.
We have to do something. Although we have had a lot of sex this past year or more, there has been something missing. The idea originally for Karezza came from me and she still feels that I am too domineering so we're switching things and this way she can explore this space for herself without my neediness getting in the way.
okay, the reason is not that I can't, but I won't.
I sit on my side of the couch, she on hers.
We don't touch.
We don't snuggle.
I have the flu and I don't want my beloved to get it.
So we are apart for a bit.
Life continues to be a complete blast. Just off the charts wonderful.
Happy New Year.
I've been here a year now, counting the lurking time, and I learned so much and my life really changed so much that it is hard to believe.
I gave up a lifetime of masturbation a year ago completely and totally without any real issues. I was thinking about that again today. How easy it was to completely and totally stop, something I never could have imagined.
I have had two orgasm/ejaculations this entire year, one planned and one accidental.
And it's been a blast.
Some of the guys here have been experiencing what Darryl calls so aptly feminine lockdown. Women who just seem closed to their sexuality and pleasure from sex, often even talking about sex.
My partner is fabulous and the most amazing person and she is in a lockdown situation as far as I can see.
I think a lot of lockdown stems from women feeling vulnerable to being controlled by men.
I'm wondering how much arousal you have in Karezza. It seems there is a spectrum here.
Door #1: Karezza is connecting with very little arousal for a long time --
Door #2: Karezza is having sex without orgasm, with a lot of arousal but short of orgasm.
I'm more Door #2. We have fairly aroused sex, at least I do, and sometimes my partner has an orgasm. Not sure that the Karezza police will come to my door and arrest me, but I'm pretty sure it's okay and we won't get busted.