emerson's blog

She has no libido - what to do

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Submitted by emerson on

If you've read my blog you know that my partner is low libido and we've been having a lot of Karezza sex. Up until a week ago.

Then I just got tired of it. She hasn't been really into it all this time. She has kind of put up with it, I would say, without any real enthusiasm or interest. So I said I wasn't interested in that path anymore.

We've had some discussions since then and a few times we've had intercourse. It's like I'm trying to "fix" her and she's extremely defensive, obviously. 

"I don't feel as much as you do"

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Submitted by emerson on

Things are great. We have sex almost every day and really enjoy each other so much.

She still says that she doesn't have the same feelings as I do. I have sent some of Rachel's posts on breasts and quotes from Richardson and I think she's reading it. I'm kind of working with her in a light way sometimes to focus on her breasts. And I'm not touching them with my hands so as not to evoke a defensive reaction. (Thanks Rachel for your amazing posts.)

My partner has never meditated or focused her thinking that way and it's new to her. 

Can a woman do Karezza if the man isn't into it?

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Submitted by emerson on

To me, Karezza is a mutual experience. It is more than just being "non orgasmic". I think it's pursuing sexual intercourse with the goal of bonding and union without the interference and interruption of orgasm and all the goal-seeking and arousal-climbing that orgasm entails.

It isn't possible to do Karezza really unless both partners are into it.

But Darryl has said his wife was having orgasms for years before she chose to stop having them. And my experience is a bit similar so far.

So here's the point.

do these amazing feelings ever wear off? Habituation inevitable?

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Submitted by emerson on

I've been with my wife for a long time now and since we've been practicing Karezza and a lot of bonding behaviors, I have gone from really loving her to being totally crazy about her.

She wonders if this will wear off. She thinks it will.

I think it won't.

Sood had an interesting post several years ago here:



whoa, brain chemistry, what a lesson

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Submitted by emerson on

I've been on a paleo diet and pretty low carb at that. But not ultra low carb and not zero carbs.

Last night we were at a restaurant and I thought, better have a yam or something but they didn't have anything acceptable on the menu. I realized I hadn't eaten any carbs to speak of all day.

Felt weird driving home, had these anxiety thoughts about ED, which is weird because this isn't an issue for me anymore. I thought, this is what the HOCD guys feel like.

I embraced the thought and just went with it.

mini rebooting account and Karezza account

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Submitted by emerson on

Marnia had asked me at some point to provide an account of my getting into Karezza and I thought I'd start that here. If you've read my previous posts this will be somewhat repetitive.

This is a story of my going from porn and masturbation and occasional ED to no porn, no masturbation, no ejaculations, no ED and wonderful sex and an even better life than before (and it was good before.)

some successes and interesting events

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Submitted by emerson on

I had a dream last night where I was studying some file folders of other "cases" that were collectively labeled "bonding" as in "bonding behaviors" and I got a bit aroused in my dream. I thought, this is a dopamine thing and it isn't good for me.

Next moment I was somewhere like a hotel room  (traveling in real life quite a bit) and although I didn't touch my penis, I ejaculated and thought "oh no, I didn't want to do that!"

Woke up but hadn't really ejaculated at all.