emerson's blog

Is this the easy path to rebooting?

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Submitted by emerson on

I didn't have the same issues with video porn as a lot of guys here, but I think my experience may make it a lot easier for you to reboot.

This is all a great experiment because you are rewiring your brain to work along "normal" channels and nobody really knows exactly how to do this in every case or even in most cases.

We're all learning.

So with that, since I'm no expert, all I can do is share my experience and my recommendation.

I think the big mistake most guys make is to avoid sexual contact during reboot.

♥ everything's so much better

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Submitted by emerson on

One of the reasons I am blogging here in such detail is primarily for myself. But also I think it can prove helpful to guys reading this at some point, a tidbit here or there.

I started here to deal with a porn habit and quickly came to the realization that now is the best time for me to really discover sex and answers to sexual questions that I've had since or before puberty.

I studied and read over many old posts on this site and really went into depth by reading different people's experiences not just with porn addiction recovery but also Karezza.

♥ relaxation sex rather than excitement sex

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Submitted by emerson on

Tried the first time to just relax into intercourse. Just forget my erection, who cares, sick of worrying about all that, let things happen as they are supposed to. Trust the penis, as I said in another blog entry.

Trust that it knows what to do. How delightful.

I can't say it was any different so far, but it was more relaxing. I felt kind of like snuggling but I had an erection at the same time. It was a lot better than snuggling, I'm not comparing the two, but I had that relaxing feeling of closeness while also having intercourse.

"I don't feel anything down there -- numb vagina"

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Submitted by emerson on

I was reading someone's account here of trying Karezza and it seemed nothing was happening so they switched to "regular" sex.

I can completely relate.

Sparkles, my wife, says she does not feel much of anything "down there" in her vagina when we have intercourse. She is not having orgasms to give this all a chance and just wants me to know she doesn't have the same sensitivity and sensations that I apparently do in my penis.

♥Making sexy stuff, being there, and taking turns initiating whatever

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Submitted by emerson on

This would be Sparkle's day 15 post-O and good things happened for whatever reason.

I am more and more a believer in the passion cycle, at least for my wife. I've kept a detailed journal and although it is early days, I can see something to this for sure.

So anyway, she was in charge today. Up to her to initiate or not initiate. We are at the moment taking turns day by day.

She said she was much more comfortable today. I didn't pressure her today.

♥ How I will avoid being needy and still get what I want

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Submitted by emerson on

I'd become very needy and demanding since I quit masturbating and porn and started bonding behaviors with my wife.

I think the reason is that I want something.

That's always what it is, bottom line. You want something. So you try to get it.

I mean, it's kinda understandable. Surprisingly I'm not as eternally horny as I would have thought. We are doing a lot of daily bonding and that satiates my horniness to a great degree.

But there is something far deeper that I yearn for.

Will her sex drive increase?

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Submitted by emerson on

Sorry if I seem to be repeating myself but this is important and I appreciate your reading and commenting.

We are on post-O day 12 for Sparkles. Definite ripples...she had trouble sleeping and was especially unhappy with my lovie dubbie needy behavior today :)

She said, "you don't understand. I don't have much of a sex drive."

So we discussed. (I have been very upbeat and never shown a trace of frustration if she doesn't want to have sex with me although I am always ready. She admitted this.)

♥ We have (another) honest discussion

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Submitted by emerson on

Today I wasn't feeling well and I hung around. Sparkles hung around too. I fasted because that helps me get over being sick quicker.

This afternoon I was laying around and Sparkles joined me. I got quickly aroused and she said I could connect which I did. It felt great as always but we aren't really into the very satisfying territory in our intercourse.

And the reason is clear from what developed.

So after about 15 minutes we lay together. She told me that she wasn't really into it but didn't feel comfortable saying no to intercourse.

♥Getting in sync

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Submitted by emerson on

Tonight we had our second round of intercourse. Lay down to rest and one thing led to another. She initiated this time and then I could tell she was going to cum and I said, "don't cum" and that did not make her happy. I guess I screwed up. Shouldn't have said anything. My bad. She said she no longer felt like it and that I was controlling. And that she already feels funny that I don't orgasm.

We'll get there. It was nice she initiated. We are in day 10 from when she had her last O. Now I feel like a bum.

Thanks for reading.