enlightenmentgirl's blog

M and O (not a railroad)

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For the first time in 7 weeks, I decided to masturbate to orgasm. No porn (I got away from that a long time ago) or even deep fantasy (that is what gets me going; it's like a sexy fiction in my head), but mostly based on having a couple of beers and a "let's see what happens" attitude. The first two felt good, then there were diminishing returns with the next two and I decided to quit. It's not the end of the world, but I am curious to see how this affects my mood, especially since I am single and don't have anyone to cuddle with.

Strange crash

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I got through a complete menstrual cycle without M, even though it was very tempting at times. But what causes me to post today is this strange sad loneliness that could be a combination of factors. First, I went to my first anime convention and dressed as my favorite character from Axis Powers: Hetalia. I had a blast and it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. I got greeted by my character's name, fans took my picture and asked for hugs, and I got to goof around and admire beautiful and fantastic costumes.

The Body cycle (TMI, especially for guys)

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I noticed myself feeling hornier and more interested in masturbating today and yesterday. The last orgasm I had (thanks to Weird Friend) was August 24. Now the kicker is that while I didn't write the date down, my period started the last week of August. So I am midway into my cycle and it makes sense that my body is revving up for arousal and mating sex before the little egg leaves the station.

Useless

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I'm going to an anime convention in a few weeks and I fantasize about looking across a crowded panel, seeing the Hetalia:Axis Powers Germany cosplayer of my dreams and convincing him that we are meant to be karezza partners. And then I realize what a useless, stupid dream that is, and I reconcile myself to lonelieness.

My love is gone

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Yesterday my 10 year old Pomeranian seemed to be in physical distress--lots of heavy panting,coughing, bodily tension, inability to lie down comfortably, etc. The vet's was closed and so I called the local animal emergency service, described the symptoms and I brought him in. By the time, we got there, he had died in his pet carrier. The vet said based on the fluids coming from his mouth, he must have had heart failure. I was stunned; my regular vet had never picked up on any abnormalities during his regular visits.

New woman here

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I stumbled upon the concept of Karezza in research for a story I was writing. I found this site and was moved by the stories. This practice speaks to me. Unfortunately, I am single, and I have somehow lost the ability to meet single men. Actually a male friend and I went out a couple of weeks ago to pick up a single guy for me to have "hook up sex" with. It failed miserably, which was actually a blessing in disguise.