I stumbled upon the concept of Karezza in research for a story I was writing. I found this site and was moved by the stories. This practice speaks to me. Unfortunately, I am single, and I have somehow lost the ability to meet single men. Actually a male friend and I went out a couple of weeks ago to pick up a single guy for me to have "hook up sex" with. It failed miserably, which was actually a blessing in disguise. I had just started reading about Karezza, and even though I was longing for male attention, touch and sexual release, I started to realize semi-anonymous one-night stands were not going to do it for me. I would have been happy if I could have exchanged numbers with someone and followed through with coffee or something else, but I didn't even get that. Instead, I felt shy, reserved and afraid of coming across as a pervy, desparate middle-aged woman trying to play Mrs. Robinson (or Demi Moore) with a college guy.
I have stopped looking at porn several months ago, out of feminist concerns. I think what I am addicted to are the pretty boys of anime. I don't even look at anime porn (hentai), but art that shows these impossibly good-looking young men. That's what led me to go hunting for college students rather than men around my age. I am struggling with my guilt over my atttraction to good-looking men. That male friend I mentioned could be a potential cuddle buddy, but my body recoils at his touch and the kind of emotional openness and intimacy needed. I feel torn by my desire for attractive men (even as cuddle buddies, not procreative partners) and the guilt that that is not what Karezza is supposed to be about. I've been told I'm attractive in an old-fashioned movie-star way (A lot of people say I look like Ingrid Bergman, even though I have now dyed my hair platinum blond), I'm not overweight, I can be charming and engaging and a good listener and conversationalist. But I'm starting to feel invisible, touch-starved, and lonely.
I hope I haven't triggered anything in anyone here. I just don't know how or where to meet the kind of people who would be receptive to practicing Karezza, and I feel stuck.