I usually have tended to update during periods of stress, but I suppose I should write a few, here and there, where I am a bit more adjusted. The last two times I posted, I found myself in a serene state where for the next few days I enjoy socializing with people, my anxiety's gone, women are very flirtatious and I'm very attracted--it's tended to wane, thereafter, and I find myself mostly back to where I started. But during those times, I feel as though I'm suddenly fluent in a language I've never even attempted to speak before.
I figure there's still stuff going on upstairs, as I've been having porn flashbacks from earlier and earlier times--most of which I'd largely forgotten--and I've been having dreams reliving actual experiences with girls--albeit with novel faces. However, dreams of porn are popping up, as well and as often, in addition to actually triggering wet dreams. I've been very fatigued lately and have not slept well, to make matters worse; and I'm not sure if it has anything to do with this reboot. I've also been a bit of a grouch, finding myself unenthused at the prospect of social interaction, barely even speaking with close friends or family. It feels as though not much would satisfy me besides porn--I've been good so far, avoiding PMO for the whole duration of this reboot. I'm not depressed, however--I'm just listless and occasionally frustrated.
I have been experiencing very full morning erections of late, and though I'm often aroused as anything throughout the day--I'm largely unresponsive and uninterested in regards to the women around me. A very attractive, 'pornesque' woman might trigger an odd combination of anxious sentiments and sexual feelings, while the rest don't interest me in the slightest--a far cry from my good days where their vibe, demeanor, personality, knowledge, quirks, scent, grace, as well as beauty all vie for my attention, and where I find myself interested girls of all types, as well as finding my ability to charm suddenly supercharged.
I presume, by the looks of things, that this reboot will take a while longer, still.