so tonight, i hooked up with two chicks. one sexy black chick and one alright chick. am i happy about it? no not at all. im so fucking sick of just "hooking up" or whatever. it means absolutely nothing to me. I took back the alright chick and she threw up twice. fuck that. even if i did fuck her, i wouldnt be satisfied. i need a girlfriend.. thats why Im a PMO addict.. i see it now very clearly. I'm just filling a hole that i dont have.. i cover it up with PMO. FUCK HOOKING UP AND JUST FUCKING SOMEONE.. ITS WRONG IN MY OPINION. IT DOESENT MAKE YOU HAPPY.. OR AT LEAST ME HAPPY.
i have an awful addictive personality,
porn and gambling. but thank god i dont have an addiction for drugs/alcohol. i limit my alcohol use to not even once a week. and i smoke pot maybe once every couple months.
im down 330 bucks after gambling football sunday. im done gambling until the Australian Open (tennis).. tennis is the only thing i should bet because I win a lot of money from it.
need to find my innerself to quit porn though... day 2 complete. ... going home in 8 days cant wait!!!
new reboot starting tomorrow. im leaving university in two weeks and going home for good. really rough times right now relapsing back to pmo.
never going back.
thinking about really doing it soon with a few pals of mine. ive been doing alot of reading about it, it seems like it could cure anxiety and depression alot. plus some people say it changes their personality and have mystical experiences that changes their life. including one of the kids that is going to do it with me, it changed his view on life entirely. and its also known to get rid of addictions and see through it.
it may be worth a shot! what do you guys think?
im so dissapointed in myself that im starting from scratch. after going 55 days no PMO, relapsed several times.
clearly im not happy with my life in general. i need a girlfriend or someone to make me happy. im leaving university for good to go home and work.. probably just going to end up owning my own business which is pretty cool. but i think going home will give me some time to chill out and relax about life, and not get so stressed.
i hate pmoing, dont even know why i always go back to it, it doesent help me with anything in life.
well after viewing P images days 54 and 55 then finally fapping on day 56. then fapped at least one more time. then a few days later, again. have stayed off of PMO for 5 days now since my last relapse. just trying to stay positive.. hopefully all my progress isnt lost.
and by the way i had such great morning wood the last 3 or 4 days out of no where. still no libido though.
in order for me to overcome this addiction, i need a girlfriend. someone to just hold and care for.. im getting over my head with this alpha male shit, tryin to talk to every girl. i mean i can get most girls because of my looks and body but in the end it doesent make me happy. i end up in the same position all the time.
im probably leaving arizona after the semester so im gonna just relax and let things come to me, im no longer going to be in a rush for women.
glad to stay sober today. no more bullshit.
gettin back on the horse!
viewed a lot of P images the from the last 2 days and fapped to porn to a quick video today.
that was after 55 or 56 days or somethin.
how much am i set back? i feel like shit :(
viewed P images for last 2 days.. jerked off, while barely looking at the pictures. well i fucked up. damn...