I've begun to notice that I can understand my cravings better. I'm trying to train my mind to recognize the early signals and try to parse the meaning. Not all cravings are the same. Different things trigger them. It could be loneliness, stress, etc. Each craving wants the neurochemical meds but the root need is different. Contrary to what one might think, my cravings are rarely related to horniness. I then try to channel that energy by either thinking to myself what I am doing, can be doing, or can't do at the moment to address that underlying need.
Is mate selection primarily chance followed by a filtering out of who we find intolerable for one reason or another? Even doing things like activities we like to help find more compatible mates, chance + filtering still seems to be the primary process. After all, we can only meet a very finite number of people. Of course, eventually once has to grow to like the person. Is there some better way? What if I want more optimum compatibility? Can I even define optimum? Is a future mate more optimal or less? There are so many life paths and nothing is really known about any of them.
You can download the pdf for free (http://www.nationalsexstudy.indiana.edu/ - see the link on the right). I haven't read any yet, but it might interest some. It can be nice to know what the others out there are thinking.
I'm going to try to come up with a new idea each day this month that might be usable to help in this process of not using PMO in place of real people and love. I'm not sure I'll come up with one each day, but I'll try. I'll update this thread as I think of things. My apology in advance if any of these are already on here, have been posted by someone else, or are just plain obvious to some. I can't filter out what I've read. I've written this for men, but women can adopt these ideas as well. I know there are women out there with similar problems even if it doesn't involve porn.
Are we ever cured? Or is this like being an alcoholic, albeit where perhaps much of the world is in the same boat?
Trial 1: I tried it for fun. It was a nuisance so I dumped it.
Trial 2: I gave it three weeks. It was too intrusive for my mobile lifestyle. It began acting up and randomly blocking all traffic with no way to override it. The only fix was an uninstall which required a reboot. That is a nuisance when I have open work. I think it might be ok for a home computer, but a laptop that has to connect all over seems to be too much for K9. I'm back to my own internal controls which is more or less where I was anyway because I knew the password.
I've noticed that positive things like exercise, socializing with friends, communicating with prospective females, etc. sometimes makes for very strong triggers to go back to business as it was before. Has anyone else noticed this? Is this just more biological tricks? It seems odd that the brain would use good things against itself, but we already know our brain is one sneaky devil. Maybe these positive things also highlight some sense of inferiority that then triggers a desire for soothing. Or maybe the neurochemical releases are close enough to orgasm to be triggers.
What do you all make of this - http://www.relationshipsandlove.com/TheGoodStuffCup.htm - and specifically the smiling test mentioned toward the top of the page? I initially thought the smiling test was hooey, but I've since had an experience that lead to just such an effect despite never having met the person or having any romantic feeling at all for them. We have had limited online correspondence only.
I finally got to a week without PMO. The last time doing that was mid July. All those who are relapse focused should just stick with it and focus on the big picture. Try to learn from the process one way or the other. One thing I'm mentally experimenting with is looking beyond the need to use PMO. The analogy I can think of is one who craves protein, but fills up on potato chips instead of waiting a little longer for protein. When a PMO craving arises, try to think about what is behind it and what that trigger is really telling you.
For a while I've been playing with online dating sites. I don't pay for any and I don't use a picture which might explain some of this. I also use craigslist where I will email, but don't post a picture. I'm wondering why it seems like I'm often initiating. When I get a response the dialog just drops off. That can also happen when the girls happen to start the process. I've noticed this in person too. I might have an ok time...good enough to consider another date...and we might converse a little afterward, but then the girl disappears. I don't think I'm being too slow.