Today was draining. Very draining. Someone broke up with me. I couldn't sleep last night. I realized that the rejection I felt wasn't actually from her (we've only been seeing eachother a few months), but a previous wound that I didn't know was there. I reacted so badly. I couldn't control myself. I hurt like a wounded animal. But things are subsiding now. I said some things that I regret. But this is the way things happen. I hope I can make amends and become friends with her after some time. I know I hurt her and she feels angry, so I'm going to step back and let her be. I'm just going to do me right now. Stay active, in good health, and keep on dreaming. I have none of myself available to give anyone. Things are as they are. I'm going to let them be. Though I feel in a cloud of emptiness, I know it will clear in time. But for now, I just have to keep on.
I realized that I'm not well. I'm not. I have to wait this out. Life seems so dull right now. I had a chance at something very nice, but I blew it. Well, the wounded animal me blew it. I'm sad about it, but I think it time, the wounds will heal.
Relationships are not what I need right now. As lonely and lost as I feel, they are not the answer. I can't offer anyone anything right now. I'm so lost right now. I can't find a reason to keep me afloat. I hope this darkness passes.