\Thanks everyone. I'm undergoing the most difficult craving so far (Day 45/?). I'm powering through. If not for this blog and this site, I would have relapsed long ago. It not for the inspiring stories and fellow rebooters, I would not be here. I would have been back in porn. Today, I went to a dance club alone. Why? Because a chick dropped me and I'm doing everything possible to "get out". I didn't want sex or girls. I just needed to be out.
On the way back home I was tipsy and feeling low. I was walking the street and realized - in any other situation, I would have gone home and relapsed. Not tonight. Not ever. As I type this I have a craving, but I will not let up. I've been looking away from ads, tv, and other triggers for the past few days. My brain wants it, but no way no how. Suck it up brain!
This is the most important goal in my life right now. Not my career, not my love life, not a hobby. Nothing. Hear that? This addiction has destroyed me so now there is nothing more important than getting through this. Even as I'm in the depths of craving, fuck it - I'm not giving in. Even when I'm alone in this city with few friends. Fuck it, I'm in this. Even when the girl I was falling for deeply dumped me. Fuck it, I'm still in. When I'm at my lowest, I'm going through this.
Because of you guys - your stories, your struggles, your support.
And Marina - you are a blessed soul.