Today was pretty productive. I have realized that I am very negative when it comes to my thoughts about myself and my outlook. I easily bring myself down quite a bit. The additction has contributed, but after years of this type of thinking, I'm somewhat vulnerable to it. I was a huge porn addict too. I would PMO for hours and hours a day, for the past 13 years. Every day. Hardly a day off. Dark stuff at times. So, I'm not sweating it too much. I'm learning to develop ways to combat this negative thinking pattern in my life. I've read up on CBT, and I'm looking for a therapist to work with to find cognitive strategies to combat this type of thinking. One thing at a time. For now though, I'm glad that I'm porn free this year, and that I've changed a lot. But it's hard to see those changes when your mind is only wired to see the negative.
I did find myself fantasizing today, so I have to cut that out. But the fantasies were more....innocent and real. They weren't very explicit. Just sort of sensual. Who knows. What I do know is that the fantasies I've had here and there over the last year have changed. THey don't involve other people - they involve me as a participant.
Anyway, day 4 no MO.
I did a lot of productive stuff today, but given my negative thinking patterns, it's hard for me to see it sometimes.