Progress and increased temptation (Day 30)

Submitted by getmeout on
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I got to work yesterday. Without thinking, I woke up shot for the cafe and worked on job applications. I woked on my resume for about 2 hrs and then applied to postings for 30min. I have 3 interviews. I'm stoked. I just kept working - I took breaks, and then just started working again. Before I used to get low and worried about not getting a job. I used to be overwhelmed by the poor job market. But I'm having fun! Sure the economy sucks, but it doesn't mean that I have to suck too. In fact, I feel pretty awesome. I feel like nothing can phase me. I've started applying to higher level positions too. What's funny is, I still have a ways to go! The evidence is my limp dick that gets turned on, but doesn't rise.

I've noticed an increased temptation to MO, especially at night. Which is interesting. Last night, I went to bed about 1:30. I woke up at 5 am fully rested and thinking about the girl I'm seeing. I tried to go back to sleep, but I wasn't sleepy. My morning glories are about 60% though, and I don't get wood throughout the day.

I see hot girls everywhere, and I'm attracted to them. But I don't want to jump on them though. Like I notice them, I'll make eye contact, and I'll smile, but that's it. I don't want to date them, and the thought of how it would be to sleep with them doesn't cross my mind. Weird, huh? =

I like the girl I'm seeing a lot. I find the more I get to know her quirks, the more I'm attracted to her. I'm working on the bonding part. I'm still flatlined, and there are times when I don't feel a physical attraction to her (just like I don't feel a physical attraction to other girls). I get turned on by her in other ways though - like sometimes she'll say something cute, for example. I'm now learning how to separate the difference between physical attraction and liking someone. Right now, I'm not sure what it means to like someone. So, I'm going to tone down the physical stuff and just hang out with her. Porn has been such a big deal in my life that I'm not sure of the difference. Learning still.

PS I just checked out a girl at the cafe - she's hot, she saw me and didn't look interested. Normally, I would feel bad that she didn't. But right now, I'm 100% cool with it. Ah well, fuck it.

NP 30, NMO 20

Comments

That just opened my eyes a

That just opened my eyes a bit. Because I'm not very good at telling the difference between liking someone and just physical attraction as well. It never really occurred to me that porn my be the reason why. Good luck! Keep pushing forward!