Restarting Day 0

Submitted by getmeout on
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Hi guys,

This has been a long road. In 2013, I watched porn probably 4 times total, not lasting longer than 1 hr in sum. I've gone through peaks and valleys, and I came really close to getting passed it. Today, I binged. I don't really know, but as I went through it, I kept thinking "this just...sucks" - like, I don't feel terribly guilt about it. I've accepted it. I'm already working to move past it. I know already that the next few weeks will be hard and difficult. Every time I've relapsed, it is at least 3 weeks of self-loathing, depression, anxiety, loss of motivation, etc. I've done it. I know what this is going to feel like. How did I get here?

Well, I'm sure there are plenty of reasons. But the fact is I just told myself, "you know what? fuck it. who cares". Why? I don't know. I think I'm going to deeply regret this once I go into withdrawal. I've been able to abstain for long periods of time in 2013, but I just don't know. I need to keep in touch with someone to stay accountable. This personal, private battle is just too hard by yourself. I went to a sexaholics anonymous group even - that group is wrong for me on so many levels. No offense. But the philosophical approach just irked me. However, I just need to report in to real people. So, here I am again. I haven't given up. I know what I'm about to encounter is going to suck. SO BAD. But here's my day 0. That's all I have.

Comments

This happens, and

I've heard therapists say you need at least 18 months for a solid recovery. So you're almost there. Congratulations on your progress. A nasty withdrawal can be an excellent reminder of what you're really dealing with and why you should definitely care the next time that lame excuse presents itself. Wink

This newish site is set up for accountability partners. I think that would be a good place to find someone who will really stay on you.  The Reuniting site has very few recovering guys these days, so you may not feel as supported. Accountability Partners

Remember not to "believe" the cravings and anxiety thoughts you may experience over the next couple of weeks. They will fade. These tips might help you avoid bingeing: I relapsed or am in danger of relapse. (EMERGENCY MEASURES) | Your Brain On Porn

BTW, "Hi!" Bye