She's gone (Day 37)

Submitted by getmeout on
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Connecting is scary because you give a little bit of you...and sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes you think something might be wonderful, and then you realize it can't be. Well, guys, I gave a little. It was scary. For a variety of reasons, it didn't end in my favor. She wasn't ready. I learned a lot though. I learned why it's scary to open up. I learned that it's o.k. to fear. But we must leave things to their own natures.

I am proud of myself because I didn't react negatively. She said the prospect was overwhelming to her. Although it hurts a bit, and I'm a bit sad, I told her that it's perfectly o.k. Before I might have been angry and hurt. But now, though I have a bit of pain, I'm letting go. Maybe she'll come around again, maybe she won't. I'm committed to no outcome. She decided this, so I can only let her do what she has felt to do. I can't change her. She experiences what she does.

That being said, I find this all very draining, so I'm taking a break from the dating stuff. It's cool if it's casual, but the opening up part is very draining. I've learned a lot from all this friends. I'm still going strong. I'm still pushing. Tomorrow is another day. In it I don't want to find a mate, as that thought is rather taxing for me. Instead, I'm just going to follow hobbies and make friends. That is the best way to go. There is no risk is making friends. A friend is better than a lover. A lover might not want to love anymore on any given day, but a friend is there with less conditions.

NP 36 NMO 26

Comments

I think its awesome

that you took a chance. I feel similarly about opening up. You sound very optimistic and that's a great way to look at things. Stay strong and congratulations on making it so far with your reboot.

It still hurts like a motherfucker

I don't think it's because of the girl, and I can't find another. I don't think it has anything to do with her. The pain has everything to do with opening up and being afraid and then getting shut out. The minute I did open up, I was immediately afraid afterwards, fearing a consequence just like this. How do we deal with this? We can't just open up all the time - it's much too draining.

It's a scary

planet for relationships at the moment. We're pair bonders who have mistaken ourselves for bonobo chimps and our brains aren't getting the "warm fuzzies" we evolved to need.

Just keep trying. Glad she was honest. It's nothing to do with you...see? You're doing great.

*big hug*