Had sex this weekend. It felt good, I wouldn't call it amazing yet. I enjoyed it. I haven't O'd in three weeks, and it felt pretty good. No chaser to speak of. It felt relaxing afterward. But I know I'm still not 100 percent yet. Libido wanes up and down, and so does my motivation, concentration, and mood.
Just checking in. I feel a bit numb, and really irritated for some reason. It's been like this for the past two days. I'm just easily annoyed. Going to get in a workout and try to get it out, but god. ARGH! Well, gotta go. Later.
Coming off the fantasy buzz and back into a flatline. I can focus a tad bit more, and my memory is working better. Still not the same as it was last week. I still feel the ebb and flow of the emotions. I haven't O'd in 3 weeks? Well, I did edge though. Anyway, just checking in. I'll keep on reporting. My libido isn't much to speak of, and hasn't been for, well, as long as I can remember? I'm sure it's on its way. For now, I'm off. Just reporting in.
I ended up watching some really racy netflix movies last week. I didn't MO/ just watched. I have no idea why actually. I had somethign very important to do the next day, which I completed, but was greatly impaired. Since then, I've fallen back into a bit of a slump. Lost the motivation, lost the edge, and now I'm just waiting to get it back. I know the drill. I don't know why I seem to give in to it. It's weird. Ah well, still moving forward.
Still riding the motivation train. It's like I can't sit still, I keep thinking about what I want to do. I'm feeling happy-ish. A tad bit annoyed, but mostly just focused. Pretty flatlined, and the thought of any sex is just "meh" to me. I came across some racy ads, and I realized that I'm still sensitive to them. Ah well. Moving on. I'm posting on here more consistently because I'm on a streak, and I want to stay accountable.
So, over the past day, I've been .... too focused? Very focused. My memory has improved over the last 5 days, my attention to other people and details around me, my dicipline, motivation, I spent the day paying my bills, organizing some events and social calendar, and organizing my communication. The weird thing is that I'm not actively trying to do this....it's,effortless? Normally, I loathe phone calls, keeping tabs, and paying bills. But today, and over the past few days, I actually wanted to get things worked out.
I haven't O'd in about 2 weeks? Something like that. So, it's been interesting. My GF came over and we had a bunch of sex this past weekend. But, I did not O once. Ha! I told her that I didn't want to, and that I don't get too much out of Oing right now. She said that was interesting, because she's never heard a guy say that before. We tried Karezza twice, and realized that the caressing works best with clothes on, because the first time we tried, we had a marathon sex session. But anyway, no O for me. I like it that way. I did enjoy the sex, and I didn't feel a "buzz" in my head over it.
Sup guys, just checking in. I saw some images/rated R sex scenes on netflix a few days ago. Fuck, it sucked. Well, the next day. Yuck. It amazes me how sensitive I am to this stuff. The effects are wearing off though.
Remember you are the one in control. There were many times during my reboot(s) where I felt powerless about being addicted. If I saw a few images, then I would think "no, this can't happen again, it can't. I don't want to go down this road again." - I would get worried, and get mad when I failed shortly after. I think the problem was that I was giving the addiction too much power over me. Last night, I was tempted, and saw some images. I snapped out of it, and told myself repeatedly "There's nothing to fear, I'm the one who has control.
I woke up feeling, well, pretty good. I don't want to jinxed it. But I haven't felt this decent in a long time. It's like, happy? I've been depressed for the past few weeks for some unrelated issues, but today, I surprised myself by getting out of bed, and getting to what I needed to do. I hope this continues. Let's hope so. I'll report back here over the next few days. I normally wouldn't, but I think I should, just to keep myself in check.