Definitely feeling some cravings over the last week. Just checking in for accountability.
Tip of the day: Fill up your calendar before you start the week. Schedule activities ahead of time. They could be anything - Go to the park, and walk, people watch at the mall, go for a jog, etc. It keeps you busy, and you feel like you have something to look forward to. Sometimes, I've ended up waiting for something to happen for me, and being used to being a zombie, I just stood home, and didn't do much. I think small activities like these are great because they're not hard, but they also give you some momentum. Try it out, you might be surprised.
I kept busy over the weekend. I didn't feel the need to even check my email. It was nice. See you guys later.
I have been edging here and there over the past day or so- without P...but eventually, I found myself fantasizing. I hate it. I found that I didn't want to fantasize about my GF. I wanted to fantasize about something dirty, and different. It's kind of sick actually. I stopped the behavior. But I just fear that this process is going to take a long time.
Concentration is slowing coming back. My GF and I were texting about some pretty hot and heavy stuff, and it caused me to fantasize, and look at different toys we could get, which triggered those "pathways" (I felt the 'rush'), and caused me to lose focus and motivation for a few days. Fantasy alone was pretty bad. Jesus. Well, the "rush" has subsided, and I'm back where I need to be : having a weak/low libido. HAHA
I was a freshmen in college when I first heard her name. Everybody seemed to be "needing" her or "wanting" her.
I'll stop there. I'm a lazy writer and it's a lazy Sunday. But I do want to elaborate on something for a moment: How porn was a catalyst for my Coffee Addiction. While, you might be thinking that I need to stop blaming the most insignificant things on my addiction. But give me a chance to elaborate.
I'm in love. I still don't feel like I'm 100% yet, but wow. I miss her? The girl who I perpetually doubted was right for me. Just like that. I questioned my love throughout this reboot, and there were many times I thought about leaving her. The only hope I held onto was that I wasn't healed, and that other people saw in me something I was too numb to notice: that she and I are wonderful together. And the thought of not having her around me scares me. What I feel for her scares me. It feels intense. I feel like I can do anything with her. Strange. I haven't felt this way for her before.
I think my awareness of what happens to me physically and mentally has sharpened. I am less sympathetic when I go through the withdrawal phase immediately after orgasm, as I'm sure some of you who are familiar with me can attest to. I think, that I'm changing. However, I am still vulnerable to certain things.
I had sex with the GF - it was in the heat of the moment. No chaser, no perception changes - this marks the first time this has happened. Also, no ROCD, well maybe a bit. We talked again about getting back to Karezza. We plan on it.
This is what addiction looks like:
1st 51 Days
2nd 3 Days
3rd: 5 Days
4th: 6 Days
5th: 16 Days
6th: 4 Days
7th: 21 Days
8th: 16 Days
9th: 129 Days (not completely strict / MO'D too much, watched images here and there)
10th : 11 Days
11th: 39 Days
Don't give up.