getmeout's blog

Don't really know what to do. Day 0. Again.

Submitted by getmeout on

I feel like utter shit. I've been trying at this for so long and although I've seen good progress, i still seem to fuck it up. I've noticed here and there how watching an image or a clip has gotten to me. Last wknd, I ended up actually edging for the better part of two hours. I'm near tears as I write this. I have an amazing GF who loves sex. But I haven't really been into it the last few times because of the porn. I feel very sad about this. I've tracked my mishaps in a notebook, and noticed that I just have little "blips" about it. I don't feel sorry for myself, just hopeless.

PR Day 11

Submitted by getmeout on

I feel a bit of a craving for some dopamine. I've been socially avoidant all day. I don't feel some inner turmoil, I would just rather not be around anyone at all. I was with my brother and good friend tonight, but I wasn't very happy to be there. I have really wanted to talk to or see my girlfriend, I just feel like being alone. And I feel a bit sad and lonely - like something empty inside of my chest.

PR Day 9

Submitted by getmeout on

No "porn images" so far. Mah brain feels pretty clean. I spent the weekend holding my FG, and we had sex with no O. It felt great. But then I jerked it the same night. I was expecting something bad to happen - withdrawal symptoms. Nothing crazy, besides a bit of disinterest, which usually hits me at this time.

Awesome.

PR Day 9

Submitted by getmeout on

No "porn images" so far. Mah brain feels pretty clean. I spent the weekend holding my FG, and we had sex with no O. It felt great. But then I jerked it the same night. I was expecting something bad to happen - withdrawal symptoms. Nothing crazy, besides a bit of disinterest, which usually hits me at this time.

Awesome.

PR Day 5

Submitted by getmeout on

Some cravings yesterday, enough to prevent me from concentrating. I just wanted to sit and go on the net. Lame lame lame lame lame. Today I woke up feeling sad - like it was the end of the world and I was all alone. I don't take these emotions very seriously. They'll pass in a few days.

- sad/lonely
- motivation is sluggish, but not unbearable

PR Day 4

Submitted by getmeout on

Woke up for the second day in a row where I felt something was missing. Kind of like a sadness. I feel clear headed. I found myself (over the last few days) wanting to be on the internet.

This is a common feeling amongst us rebooters. It never really struck me until today. It's your brain's way of getting you to be stimulated and watch porn. It's a habit (over years and years). Normally, this habit pushes you to watch loads of videos. But now that you're not watching porn, it's like an ex-cigarette addict's desire to hold something in their hands. It's comforting.

Post Reboot Day 3

Submitted by getmeout on

I woke up feeling a bit sad and unmotivated today. But the feeling wasn't deep enough to keep me down for long. I was longing for my SO. Girls look great everywhere. The attraction is physical, not sexual. Weird. I'm looking right now at a girl in coffee shop - she has a fantastic body, and she looks incredible. But I'm not thinking "I can't wait to fuck her" - I'm not thinking anything really. I'm just enjoying what I saw. Now it's gone.

- A bit of ROCD
- A bit sad
- A bit tired
- A bit of fog

See ya.

Post Reboot - Day 2

Submitted by getmeout on

So far so good. I've been working on lots of personal issues that have held me down for a long time. That's the thing that sucks. When addicted to porn, you can't improve yourself because your brain is so fucked. Anyway, I've been practicing dicipline and not giving up. I have a tendency to throw in the towel during the last stretch, and I hate that. So how did I start?

WIth small things, like cleaning my room in the morning. If you want to be diciplined in one thing, you have to practice it in all things. I'm learning a lot about htis now.

Day 129 - Need to "restart" again.

Submitted by getmeout on

So, I'm calling this day 1. I have not PMO'd in 129 days, but I did come across come pornographic images, and I did MO intermittenly. Sex life with the SO is great, but I want to be sure my record is really clean. I really want this to authentically go away. Last wknd was a warning sign to the power of this addiction. I came across some "nude" images, and I was angry with my SO, and I shortly found mysefl watching videos. I didn't MO. I walked away. It lasted no more than 5 min. But I felt the "BUZZ" in my head, and it wouldn't go away. I feel fine today, and I feel pretty great.

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