The day started out with having some somatic anxiety - I was operated on a couple years back and every time I get anxious I get this soreness in the left side of my back and a bit of shortbreathedness. I've been getting this every now and then as of late which I now definitively can say is a result of kicking the habit. In the beginning I was freaking out and feared I might have a relapse (mild lung condition although a relapse would require surgery at some point) though.
So! Although I've been having a headache most of the day it's been an ok day. At least I feel good right now.
Changes I've noticed are improved blood circulation (my hands and feet used to be really cold), calmness and a lowered need to stay stimulated. I think getting off video games is crucial for my success.
At the same time though I've been feeling a little bit worried that maybe I won't get fixed as some guys seem (or seem to think) not to even after 3-4 monthts. Yes, I know the time it takes to reboot is different for everyone.
A friend of mine texted me yesterday - he was back in town for the weekend and were getting a preparty going. This couldn't have come at a better time; I wasn't really in an outgoing, social mood but I definitively didn't want to be at home.
I gave it a shot though, and was at least pretty calm the whole night. Again, I wasn't as outgoing as I would have liked to but I participated.
At 3:30 AM I woke up to nocturnal emission. It was such a weird experience - I never even though this could happen to me. At first I was disappointed (because of the setback in mood I was expecting), but I at least logically reasoned it's a sign of progress - that my will/determination (when conscious :P) is stronger than I may have realized.
So! Today sucked.
I've found that certain habits - although they might seem insignificant - are of huge importance to my (our?) well-being. This morning when I woke up for example: I felt good (which is unusual for me having just woken up) but ended up falling right back into sleep. Bad move Mr.; the rest of the day has been coated in mind-fog.
So, before starting today's log I will quickly summarize the past two weeks I have gone without PMO.
Most noteworthy is the emotional roller-coaster I've gone through. One day I was on top of the world - filled up to the rim with testosterone - whereas I could feel like a sad excuse of a human being the next. I've been ranging from confidently making eye-contact and flirting with cute (and completely normal-looking) chicks to feeling a urge to back away from all sorts of social situations.
The up's has been great and the low's not so great.
Hey there. I'm a 20-something year old guy and I JUST realized I have an addiction to porn. I've been neglecting a lot of relationships as a result of this; I've been easily irritated, overly critical, shy and insecure - the list goes on.