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Submitted by Gucci on
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Hey there. I'm a 20-something year old guy and I JUST realized I have an addiction to porn. I've been neglecting a lot of relationships as a result of this; I've been easily irritated, overly critical, shy and insecure - the list goes on.

I can't even remember when I started watching porn. I know for a fact I was doing it when I was somewhere around 11-12 years old (which is so fucking sick when you think about it). It started out with playboy-type material and has progressed into ganbangs, bukkakke and other types of humiliation over the years. What got me REALLY hooked though, has been sex-blogs and reading sex ads etc. The knowledge of real women wanting do all sorts of disgusting stuff was a huge turn on for me, reading about their experiences even worse. I honestly still get turned on when thinking about it (so I try not to) but I hope that will fade over time.

I actually abstained from porn/masturbation last summer without knowing I actually had a problem on my hands (pun intended) but MAN did I feel a difference! I became more aware, happier, more social, optimistic and stable. My experience was reeking of what I can only describe as a powerful masculinity and inner calmness; it was what life should be.

Anway, since I hadn't really decided to totally quit but just to try it out as a personal experiment, I fell back in the cycle. I started M:ing in 2-week incriments or something like that and then during the autumn the frequency increased; parallelly my mood decreased - after some time I couldn't even figure out why.

I have (sadly) parted ways with the person I was when I was younger - and that connection with myself is what I felt I was reconnecting with when I quit masturbating last summer. It was just as if I unveiled a totally new, but oh so familiar reality. I used to be extremely witty, outgoing, hyperactive and creative. Today (before quitting) I am somewhat insecure, shy, approval seeking, and nowhere near emotionally independent.

My addiction to porn has kept me a virgin, although I haven't admitted that to anyone. In my teens I the internet and games engulfed practically my whole life, even back then I was an addict. I didn't have very much interest in any kind of social life and even when I forced myself to try in the swedish equivalent of high-school I didn't enjoy it. I participated but I did not enjoy myself. I've encountered a couple of girls who I was interested in and who were interested in me, but every time I've rejected them for whatever arbitrary reason. One of them I rejected because I thought she walked funny in stairs. Seriously WTF. Looking back I must have been soooo messed up.

Luckily I stumbled upon this site and YBOP and after doing some reading I've decided to quit for good. :)

My current goal is to go without PMO for at least 90 days and then without PM for the rest of my life. I've gotten rid of a couple of addictions before (nailbiting for like 15 years, nicotine and marijuana) so I feel confident I'll get through the withdrawal. I know how to endure pain and suffering already - that's what porn has brought me.

I'm currently on day 14 of not watching porn nor stimulating myself.

Comments

Thanks

Thanks :)

Well I guess that's the upside of having spent too much time in front of the computer :) but also we study english from first grade in Sweden and I've recently spent some time in the US so that has definitively helped!